Podcasts or other tips for excruciatingly low self confidence

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I’m late 30s and am in a very junior corporate support role in the Civil Service (HEO level for those of you familiar with the Civil Service). I’d been a PA for a number of years and was thrilled to have made a (small) step up but the job has been awful. Part time job but with a full time workload in an understaffed team and no line manager/support for much of my 7 months in post.

Im trying to job hunt but find myself really, really struggling with such low confidence that I don’t know what I have to offer an employer.

I’m embarrassed it’s turned out this way. I was deemed one of the smartest kids in my year at school, then got bullied and massively struggled with suddenly being a tiny, inadequate fish in a big pond full of lots of confident and privately educated bigger fish at university. I spent my 20s coasting through admin and PA jobs, not daring to do apply for anything further than that. I took a few years out as a SAHM, returned to the Civil Service as a PA a couple of years ago.

My peers have all well and truly surpassed me. Some are directors and partners. I know that comparison isn’t helpful but I’m very scared that I’m going to get to 40 and have wasted my life so far on feeling so utterly inadequate and no skills or experience to offer an employer. I want to make something of my life. I don’t need status or enormous salary but enough to be able to support myself alone should I ever need to (am married). I just want to be skilled at something and feel proud of myself.

I can interact pretty well with people one on one. I like to get things done and see tangible results to my work. I’ve always had good feedback at work, I’ve never been let go or anything like that. I shy away from responsibility and risk, am hopelessly, hopelessly lacking in confidence. I really want to change but I feel stuck and don’t really know where to start. Is there any hope for someone like me? Are there books or podcasts that can help me stop feeling useless and hate myself? I don’t really know where to turn and would be very grateful for any advice.

Of course there is hope for you.

I would maybe start here, which is a resource often signposted by NHS mental health services:

https://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/Resources/Looking-After-Yourself/Self-Esteem

It's using cognitive behavioural therapy approaches, so it's evidence based.

Reading your post, I don't think it's low confidence so much as terribly negative self-esteem. The link above could help you take steps towards addressing it. Not an overnight magic fix, but in time you can transform how you feel.

Thank you so much for your hopeful words Swanling. Erm embarrassed to say that I don’t actually know the difference between low self esteem and low self confidence…off to google!

Definitely don't be embarrassed! The only reason I thought it may be useful to pin it down as self-esteem is because it will enable you to access support and resources that are better targeted towards what you are struggling with specifically.

You may not wish to go down this path, but depending on where you live you should be able to self-refer for a short course of CBT through the NHS (IAPT). That could give you a kickstart on working through strategies.

There's also the books on prescription scheme. https://reading-well.org.uk/help

Mind also had some info and tips. https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-esteem/about-self-esteem/

There will be something out there that's the right fit for you.

You should be able to get counseling through your job - up to 6 sessions most likely. There is no stigma and work won't know. Book a triage call. It will be easy to find out how to access this kind of support. support.

Thank you so much for these links Swanling. And a great idea about therapy through my employer Surreyswans but I checked our employee assistance programme and unfortunately all they seem to offer is links to articles, there’s no practical support available.