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Original poster

Are your colleagues also your friends?

31 replies

BettyBoopBetty · 19/05/2023 14:21

I like my colleagues and we have a lovely work relationship but I do not enjoy spending time with them outside of the office and the odd team’s dinner. We just lead different lifes, don’t have the same interests etc. many of them are very close and do a lot of things outside of work together, which makes me feel a bit like an outsider in a way but my free time is too precious and I don’t want to spend it with people I don’t truly care about. Anyone else feels the same?

OP posts:
MuddaUdders · 19/05/2023 14:24

It happens, I see the same thing in workplaces too. Some people like to socialise outside of work and some prefer to get home as quick as possible. I flit between the two :)

Discwriter · 19/05/2023 14:29

I'm a team leader and while I will join for drinks now and then, my colleagues are not my friends - I don't share personal details of my life with them.

Yetisrus · 19/05/2023 17:05

I'm new in my job (6 months) so its early days, I would class some of them as friends but not close ones yet. My boss I'd class as a friend as we do talk about all sorts of stuff not just work, every so often something comes out that surprises us(we used to go to the same clubs at the same times) and when we're out with work we tend to be the last two standing.

I think since covid and people wfh more making friends at work is a bit more difficult.

FoFanta · 19/05/2023 17:08

I have some colleagues that are great work place pals but I wouldn't see out if work, and I have true friends who I have met at work and have a fantastic bond with and see all the time.

hopeishere · 19/05/2023 17:13

No. Get on fine inside work but no desire to see them outside of work!

wildfirewonder · 19/05/2023 17:16

I don't usually bother with work social events, but I have made some good friends through work who I see for lunches and sometimes in the evening.

Newyeardietstartstomorrow · 19/05/2023 17:17

When I worked with actual people my colleagues were friends of circumstance. We would work, laugh, cry, get drunk together, etc etc. Once we didn't work together we didn't have anything in common anymore. Work friendships are usually shallow for that reason - not meant in a derogatory way, just not deep lifelong friendships.

BestIsWest · 19/05/2023 17:17

I have a very special group of about 8 friends that were work colleagues of mine for years. None of us work together anymore but we meet up at least a few times a year, some of us more often. They’ve become like extended family. I love them.

Irritateandunreasonable · 19/05/2023 17:18

Absolutely not.

southlondoner02 · 19/05/2023 17:19

Yes, love my work colleagues. We often go for drinks after work and quite a few will see separately etc. But we're really passionate about the work we do and I think that means we have things in common from the start

Stokey · 19/05/2023 17:20

I feel like I have enough friends from elsewhere so don't really need to be friends with my colleagues outside work. It is a funny relationship though as they probably know more about what is going on in your daily life than your "real" friends do. In my experience, it tends to be the younger folk who are less tied down that make work friends.

Cellotapedispenser · 19/05/2023 17:22

When I first started working work was fun, back in the early 2000s every Friday was pub lunch and we'd go out loads socially. We were young, no responsibilities so lots of drunk bonding time. Many of these women are still my friends now.

Now with kids, other responsibilities and having been burnt a few times by oversharing I classify work buddies as just that 'work friends', not real friends. Plus now as a manager I need some distance so I wouldn't have work buddies in my home or personal life but they're good for a gossip or chat about a work challenge.

BinsinBonson · 19/05/2023 17:25

My colleagues past and present run the gamut from people I strongly dislike (fortunately I can count them on one hand) to people I met at work but have now been personal friends with for far longer than we were ever colleagues.

Most fall somewhere in the middle, including people that are friends of circumstance, where we might socialise but realistically know we’ll lose touch with once one of us leaves.

Workyticket · 19/05/2023 17:27

I'd class some of my work colleagues amongst my best friends. We go out out once every few weeks. We've had weekends away together etc

I was talking about this today with one pal - it really does make a stressful job easier having proper work friends

BestIsWest · 19/05/2023 17:28

Yes, I think it’s true, the friends I made at work in my twenties, pre DCs became lifelong friends - we socialised a lot more outside of work. Then we all grew up together, got mortgages, went to each others weddings and had DCs around the same time. Whereas colleagues in jobs I had in my 40s when I had more responsibilities outside of work and less time to socialise, tended to remain just that.

Businessflake · 19/05/2023 17:57

Some of my closest friends are people I have worked with, although as people have moved on I would only class one or two current colleagues as close friends. I do enjoy socialising with work colleagues but as the boss, and now being one of the older ones (at early 40s I might add!) it’s not as frequent.

BirdChirp · 19/05/2023 17:58

I don't like team socialising in general. I absolutely do have true friends though amongst my present and past work colleagues that I see outside work.

AlisonDonut · 19/05/2023 17:59

Some are to the extent of going on holiday together and some I would [still] cross the street to avoid.

PieonaBarm · 19/05/2023 18:05

Yes an no. Some are some aren't. One of my colleagues was my bridesmaid and me hers, and I'm Godmother to her kids, if I had kids she'd be godmother to mine. Other colleagues I wouldn't walk to the supermarket at lunch with. You click with some and not others.

mysonsmother82 · 19/05/2023 18:09

I've had plenty of people that I've got on well with at work in the 14 years I've been there but only one that I meet up with out of work and class as a friend.

AntheaP · 19/05/2023 18:12

I've been in my industry for over 30 years. I don't consider all of my colleagues friends, but some of my very best friends started off as colleagues.
A few wonderful people, I'm so glad to have met and become friends with.

howdoesyourgardengrowinmay · 19/05/2023 18:18

I met my husband, one of my closest friends and other dear friends all directly through work.

Other ex and current colleagues - I wouldn't cross the road to piss on if they were on fire.

musixa · 19/05/2023 18:28

No - I get on well with all of them and have fondness for some of them, but we don't see one another socially or communicate other than through work channels. I don't have a lot in common with them in terms of tastes and interests and we don't all live in the same city.

ErmentrudeTheCow · 19/05/2023 18:47

In my 20s and early 30s yes. I'm still very friendly with girls I worked with 30 years ago.
But since then no, get on well with them and occasionally meet current colleagues for coffee but that's it. Wouldn't socialise with them or invite them to anything

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 19/05/2023 19:03

I would class some of my colleagues as friends - I can think of three in particular.

The difference is that we live all over the country, so mostly socialise in video calls. I see them for work events, which we also make social, about four times a year. I'm going on holiday to the city where one of them lives later on the year and hoping we'll meet for cocktails one evening

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