Single parent who can't go to anything social after work!

[HelenaBellena]

How do people manage with this type of situation? If I'm in the office, I need to head off early to collect my children. The school doesn't offer afterschool past 5pm. I work really hard and juggle everything alone but somehow I feel I'm at a disadvantage because I don't do the team drinks thing. There aren't many but I've missed them all. I have no childcare and my work is an hour away. My ex lives 2hrs away and has the kids some weekends but can't do midweek. Even then i know he would clockwatch as has a long journey home.

I don't even want to go for drinks that much but I worry that I'm not seen as anything more than just a mum.

I never did anything after work after a few attempts. On the handful of occasions I had mum to babysit one of them was often sick so I couldn't go. I wanted to save my energy to deal with my non-sleeper too. A decent employer and colleagues should never hold it against you.

If you want to go out after work , is it worth trying to find a regular babysitter?
(If you would like to go occasionally?)

I guess I'm conscious it would be a really long day for my children ie 7am till 8pm and I don't want to go that much. I just worry that my single parent status is seen negatively. There aren't any others at my work.

At my workplace there is a community of single parents who live locally to the head office. They share the cost of wraparound paid childcare (nannies usually) between them. Might be worth asking around if this is an option.

An inclusive employer wouldn't put you in this kind of situation. I arrange lunchtime social events for my team rather than after work.

Could you speak to the person that arranges them and ask if they could be done on a Friday ? Then could your ex pick them up on the Friday from school and have them that weekend ?

I'm a single mum and hadn't been out with work since DS was born 14 years ago, until the last couple of years when he's been away with the school and I've had a few nights off. My colleagues have made a special effort for the few nights when I am free.

A decent employer won't mind in the least. Single mums are great employees because they never turn up late with a hang over, and are normally super-organised.

If your employer is pressurising you to attend evening team drinks, explain you have a prior commitment and leave it at that. No need to explain further.

@MintJulia I think the trouble is more my insecurity because I could only do lunches. The barriers will obviously break down after a few drinks and I know I'm not part of that. Perhaps I'm just exhausted and I want to feel part of things.

I stopped trying to have any kind of social life when my ds was 2. It was too difficult and disrupted his life too much. My ds loves routine and his quiet time at home in the evenings. I think it has been a good thing for him but probably not a good thing for me. He is 14 now and I try to go out to social things occasionally as I know it is good for me.

If it helps I go to all the group drinks and haven't been promoted in 4 years either. I don't think that matters that much.