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Original poster

What to do

8 replies

Plankingplanks · 17/05/2023 17:54

DH works in a male orientated environment and recently someone was outed as cross dressing in secret. The person who outed them announced it to three different shifts and made a big deal of it. DH felt awkward and didn't enter any discussion about it.

Today he got an invite to a WhatsApp group from the person who outed them telling everyone not to mention it and to delete the message as the situation had escalated. He immediately removed himself from the what's app group but is a worried a) about this persons MH and b) that he will be implicated in the situation. He is good mates with the person and is really concerned. He can't go to his union rep as they are close friends with the person who is spreading this info.

Is there anything he should do to ensure he isn't sucked into the situation.

OP posts:
Quveas · 17/05/2023 18:40

He needs to say and DO nothing. Literally. Don't delete messages, don't acknowledge anything, stay out of it totally. If asked, he tells the truth, and the whole truth. Nothing more and nothing less. If he did anything to participate in a cover up, or gets involved, or tells less than the truth, then he's sucked in. And that could be very dangerous.

Brefugee · 17/05/2023 18:44

I think he should go to management, not the union.
This is workplace bullying and should be handled by the right people.

Original poster
Plankingplanks · 17/05/2023 19:03

Brefugee · 17/05/2023 18:44

I think he should go to management, not the union.
This is workplace bullying and should be handled by the right people.

It is a very inbred organisation and he would be ostracised of he did anything. Also local management were involved - a manager was involved in the conversation!! It really is a toxic environment.

OP posts:
Original poster
Plankingplanks · 17/05/2023 19:03

Quveas · 17/05/2023 18:40

He needs to say and DO nothing. Literally. Don't delete messages, don't acknowledge anything, stay out of it totally. If asked, he tells the truth, and the whole truth. Nothing more and nothing less. If he did anything to participate in a cover up, or gets involved, or tells less than the truth, then he's sucked in. And that could be very dangerous.

Unfortunately when he left the group it removed the entire conversation! I was there as he did it and saw it vanish.

OP posts:
Quveas · 17/05/2023 19:06

Nothing disappears for ever - he had no idea what screenshot etc exist. He has sticked himself in by doing that - management could interpret it as collusion. They're is nothing left to do than stay out of it unless asked, and if asked tell the truth.

Brefugee · 17/05/2023 19:20

Plankingplanks · 17/05/2023 19:03

It is a very inbred organisation and he would be ostracised of he did anything. Also local management were involved - a manager was involved in the conversation!! It really is a toxic environment.

Show quote history

he either stands up to be counted, or he goes along with the bullying and is complicit.

Bottom line? if he doesn't tackle this, he's in on it.

Original poster
Plankingplanks · 17/05/2023 19:21

I'm not sure it can be seen as collusion. I'm not worried about that so much. He wanted nothing to do with it and so left. I think he was sticking to his principles

OP posts:
Brefugee · 17/05/2023 19:22

don't be so green.

He is either standing by while someone is bullied - that is collusion, or he is doing his best to either get it stopped or brought to the correct authority for action.

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