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AIBU to be irritated by my colleague leaving early?

59 replies

Trialsandsmiles · 17/05/2023 17:15

Please tell me if this would seriously irritate you and if you would take this further.

I have been in my job for around 5 years working for a larger organisation but in a remote office with just myself and my senior colleague. He is divorced with two children, 1 at senior school and 1 finishing primary shortly. His arrangement with his ex wife is that he has them one night in the week and alternate weekends. However, he has never bothered to organise child care for the part of the day between school collection and finishing work, we finish at 5:30. As such, since I have been working with this man, he’s upped and left at 2:30 leaving me to do both our jobs which generally means on his early finish days, I’m stuck in the office until at least an hour past my finish time as there’s too much that has to be done before the day can be considered finished with reporting sales etc.

I’ll add that our more senior bosses etc are not aware at all of the frequency of his school runs as we are generally left to it. He did organise and pay for his younger child to attend after school club when his former wife went back to work full time, but only on her set days with the children and didn’t think to put them in for his days, so he is aware of the availability of childcare. He often claims to be “working from home” etc, but he seldom even reads his emails, is regularly in the car with bad signal or clearly doing other things with the children screaming and shouting in the background and talks to me horribly when I can’t assist him with something as I’m already snowed under due to his lack of attendance. To put into context our jobs are very reliant on real time information, think commodities and finance so being at a computer screen is required for the job. He also cancels meetings or doesn’t attend them etc if they don’t fit in with his pick up times.

Am I allowed to think this is grossly unfair? He’s a man of more than fair means, would be earning well over £150k plus bonuses, two children at private school and a large house, so it isn’t like he can’t afford some child care he just chooses not to and expects his colleagues to pick up the pieces of his choices. His ex wife has now returned to part time work and lives very close to the school so they would be able to walk to her home and wait for him to finish, as they would have parental supervision but this doesn’t happen even though it would cost nothing at all. I feel that if I was in the same position and running off to collect my children, I’d be put on a 32 hour week and paid accordingly like other mothers within the company have been, yet he’s on his full salary but only doing 80% of the working week. I’ll also point out that I earn around 75% less than he does, yet get calls constantly from him when I’m on annual leave or sick but that’s for another thread.

so what do you think? Am I just being bitter and should let it drop? Or would you be bringing this pattern of behaviour to the attention of those higher up?

YABU - this is normal and I should just put up with it
YANBU - this is out of order, report it to your HR department

OP posts:
Justalittlebitduckling · 18/05/2023 08:13

He knows you will pick up anything he drops, so he’s got a very sweet deal. You need to either find a new job or find a way to change the situation.

Whiteroomjoy · 18/05/2023 08:34

I feign absolute ignorance that he has not cleared how much he is off with his boss.
simply go to your boss. Say that the arrangement your senior colleague has to work short days x amount per month, is causing you extreme pressure and additional hours that you can’t cope with any more. Tell your boss that you want him to address your workload issues as a result of this arrangement. Do not make it about what agreement your colleague has or not, or who knows what, just assume that his working pattern has been fully approved and therefore it’s your bosses fault you are in this situation and your boss needs to sort it out.
if your boss is surprised and says something along lines of what evidence do you have he’s doing this as he’s told us it’s very occasionally (or whatever), just responded that it is the normal work pattern, and you were told he has permission to do it. Don’t engage in the in and outs of what your colleague is doing, just focus on the impact it has on you and that this needs to be sorted

MsWhitworth · 18/05/2023 08:37

OMFG just stop doing his work for him! Listen to yourself!!

Aldidl · 18/05/2023 09:28

You’ve made a terrible error I’m afraid, by staying late.

No one knows there is a problem, because you are making it not a problem.

I had a colleague who it turned out had been picking up the slack for an entirely separate department for years. She was stressed at tearful at the pressure of solving their problems. She’d personally saved our business hundreds of thousands of pounds by checking and correcting their work. But her line manager at the time was a flannel. She got a new line manager, who was horrified and made her stop doing other people’s work immediately. Yep, it probably cost quite a lot of money and required significant additional man hours (by the team who should have been doing it in the first place) but it wasn’t her or her manager’s problem. The manager of the team that did have a problem (a) didn’t realise there was a problem and then (b) didn’t believe the problem would be so bad. Once it inevitably WAS that bad, the new line manager brought it to the attention of the correct manager (and a higher up).

Moral of the story being that you’ve GOT to let balls drop. Especially if they’re someone else’s’ balls.

Isthisexpected · 18/05/2023 20:26

If letting the ball drop isn't a title of a self help book it absolutely should be. So many unfortunate martyrs and people pleasers must develop stress and anxiety about work in these scenarios.

Isyesterdaytomorrowtoday · 18/05/2023 20:32

Have you raised it with your manager?

poetryandwine · 18/05/2023 20:46

This is awful, but you nerd to be very careful.

Your perspective should be self protection. You don’t know for sure what arrangements he has made or who might be looking out for him, so accusing him is risky.

I assume he is not your line manager? If he is, we need to know that.

If he is not, spend some time logging examples of inappropriate things the guy expects you to do. Can he order you to do them? Do you need to prioritise his tasks for the good of the organisation? Which work of yours goes undone (unless you do unpaid overtime)? All this should be written down for, say, a month or more. You need for a pattern to emerge.

Then take this to your LM and tell them that it isn’t sustainable. You need to prioritise your own work or, since you are doing higher level work a promotion to reflect that may be appropriate

I am furious on your behalf. Best wishes

jobie70 · 15/08/2023 18:46

he sounds a proper , tell him you arent covering his job anymore and if he doesn’t stop taking liberties tell himyou’re dropping him right in it

Hawkins009 · 15/08/2023 18:49

How did he get the position ?

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