Starting full time role- worrying about my children

[changingrooms101]

I've been out of work for a few months and I've just accepted an absolutely brilliant job which I'm really excited about.

Now as the time is coming closer to starting I'm worrying and feeling bad for my children who I'll barely be seeing.

They are now early secondary school age, so the original stresses about after school care have lessened.

But I'm really sad I'll barely be seeing them from now on.

I had previously been working from home- but this new job is full time office based.

I'm a single mum with lots of support- but that means they will be seeing more of my parents than me, which they're sad about.

In my previous roles, when the children were young I tied myself into lots of knots at work trying to get the balance right. So I was looking forward to starting this new job strongly as a full time employee and giving it my best shot.

I'm just thinking it is impossible to have it all. And probably the best situation is a nuclear family where the dad goes to work and the mum takes care of house and children. Pointless me thinking like that really as that's not my situation.

I guess I just feel bad I won't be there for my children as much as we would all like 😢

Even though I'm super happy and positive about my new job which I don't want to lose sight of.

Well done on the job. Seeing your kids for an hour in the morning and 2 in the evening is now the norm, if that helps.

Even if your WFH, your kids are teens now, you'll naturally see less of them! Mine are older teens and even when WFH in the holidays I only see them when they're hungry or need money.

Enjoy the new job!

Specifically what will your schedule be?

I understand btw, I struggled working PT literally til last summer and only do full time as I'm WFH so I can do school runs, park in the morning for my little one, see them as soon as they're home. But, mine are little and so don't go to bed very late.

Can you face time them and text more, can you spend more family time at weekends?

As said I get how painful it is not being around for small DC when they can't fully get why you're not there, but if your kids are all in their teens and can fully communicate and be independent, what are the actual barriers to your time?

I'm office based 5 days a week 9-5.30.

My kids are 11 & 12 so still relatively young really- but with increasing independence.

We went through a truly awful divorce and they now have 50% time with father which we're all struggling with.

I thought one upside would be I could up my working hours (but didn't foresee losing job in the middle of it all)

My mindset was then so low that I wasn't getting offered any of the jobs I was going for. I'm super pleased with this job I've now been offered and think it will be great.

It's just now dawning that I'll see even less of my children even on the days they're 'with me'.

You can tell your dc are little! Teenagers don't stop needing to see their mum and still have lots of things they need you to do - driving them around being one of them, but there are lots more!

Once you have the foot in the door might you be able to work condensed hours? Do longer days when they are with your ex in return for an early finish on one or two other days?

Personally I don't think it will be easy for you or them, and I'm not surprised you are worried.

Understandable but particularly as a single
parent it’s important you progress your career and have financial stability. Just make the most of evenings and weekends.

and sorry but this statement is ridiculous “And probably the best situation is a nuclear family where the dad goes to work and the mum takes care of house and children”. What about 2 parents both working part time and an even division of childcare.

Its normal to worry about change, but unless you have a long commute? You will still be seeing your children. I think you'll be surprised how different 13, 14 and 15 look in terms of staying up a bit later and also not getting home from school so early, if they have revision sessions etc.

It must be very hard doing 50/50 if you arent used to it. I am sure I would miss that too.

Congratulations on your new job. Sell this as a positive change- to yourself and your pre- teens. Staying at home, financially reliant on my partner would have been my idea of hell. I don’t think many women want the ideal you have described - where dad is at work and mum is at home. We can have it all- family life, a career, ambition and financial independence. Embrace it.

Congratulations on your new job OP. Agree with a previous post perhaps after your probationary period ask about working condensed hours. Even if it's finishing early on a couple of days.
In my line of work it's become quite common for people to request this at job offer and it is often approved!