Any HR people around?

[Lolachew]

I made the mistake of telling my boss that my wife is in the midst of a severe mental health crisis. This was to explain why I’ve been struggling to concentrate in work. I did explain that we have family & GP Support in place. Now my boss has raised this with the HR team to see what support they can offer. I’m really worried what this will mean. We are caring for DW’s much younger siblings and I’m worried that my workplace is going to raise some kind of safeguarding concern. Is this possible? Probable? They are well cared for and don’t know anything is wrong. We also already have support in place. I’m really anxious about it and can’t sleep. DW is a very private person anyway and wouldn’t like it if she knew I had been sharing such personal information in work.

I'm not HR but in a similar position I was offered a reduced workload and counselling. Don't worry too much.

They mean support for you ie. do you need shorter days or any parental leave ot just someone to talk to for the sake of your mental health

Oh OP you sound under an inordinate amount of stress. I mean this with kindness but it sounds like that stress is causing you to catastrophise. If you can see your fears as a stress reaction, it might help.

For what it is worth, to someone outside the situation, your work's response sound like the actions of a caring employer who are looking to support you not chastise you.

You haven't "been sharing personal information in work", you've disclosed some private information to a department who are legally bound to discretion and privacy to protect your income because you can't work at your usual level at the moment.
And no, unless you'd literally said that you're worried your wife is abusing those in your care (which I'm certain isn't the case) they are bound by complete privacy and can't disclose what you've said to anyone. They are talking about supporting you so you don't have to quit your job or end up getting managed out for under performance.
You've definitely done the right thing.

Things are pretty awful for DW but she is only a danger to herself. She wouldn’t in any way harm her siblings.The relevant people already we are struggling and I am always around for the children.

I think I am in an anxiety spiral. It’s just the way my boss said “I want to see what help is avaliable for you and X” X being DW that has freaked me out. DW doesn’t work there.

At my place of work, we would consider extending some of the medical health benefits to the family member in such extreme circumstances if that would help support the spouse. So I wouldn’t read anything into that statement just because your wife isn’t an employee. Though HR may not offer this of course so also don’t rely on them doing it.

I’m sorry you are going through such a tough time but it’s good to see your line manager is doing all he can to support you.

OP it's good that you recognise this as an anxiety spiral. It is: your work's actions are -I promise - an attempt to make your life easier. I wonder if you would consider talking to the gp about the understandable anxiety you are facing? When my dp got very sick, the stress of being the one trying to hold it all together was overwhelming. Asking for help and protecting your own resilience will be important not just to you but also to your ability to help your wife.

I work in HR and if I was made aware of this then I's probably ask to meet with you to see if a) you're ok and b) we can do anything else to support you, e.g. taking some time off, changing your hours for a while etc. I'd also want to make sure you're aware of any company benefits that might be helpful to you like an employee assistance programme or counselling through private medical insurance.

Try not to worry - you won't be in any trouble and I'm sure your HR team will just want to support you as best they can.

*I'd

It sounds like you have a good boss who is trying to support you.

^This

Good look OP and remember to put your oxygen mask on before helping others. You are no use to anyone if you grind yourself down with it all too. Take any help you can get, don’t try to be brave or think you’re superhuman as none of us are.

Even IF a safeguarding referral was made they would only be looking at additional support to what she is already receiving

HR will be looking at trying to ensure that you are okay and what measures they could put into place to assist you and make reasonable adjustments

Trt not tonworry (easier said than done!)

I work for HR and it sounds like you have a caring boss who just wants to see what support as a work place, they can offer you.

We would he looking to see if you needed a flexible working request. We also have a 24 hour confidential Employee assistance programme at our place of work that both you and partner could access. This includes therapy/counselling sessions So it may well he wants to get information like that for you.

My employer’s employee assistance programme extends the offer of counselling / advice to spouses of staff, so that may be what your boss meant by including DW in available support.

Hello, I’m a HR Business Partner and I want to say: please don’t worry. HR are not out to catch you out or make life harder! We often just want to sign post to mental health resources the company pays for, such as an Employee Assistance Program or to see if reducing your hours temporarily might help, etc.