Looking for some advice! Apologies about the long post.
I currently work as a band 7 midwife at a central London hospital commuting in from Surrey. I have a 19 month old little boy and my husband owns and runs several businesses working in events. Currently the commute is 1 hour each way but we are shortly due to move further away from the station so it will be 1 hour 30 min journey each way via train and tube.
I've been at the same NHS Trust working as a midwife since 2011 and got a promotion to Team leader and band 7 status in 2020. The job is hard but the pay is great and when I have the energy and head space, I mostly enjoy it. The people I work with are lovely and supportive. Professionally it challenges me and undoubtedly is excellent for my career progression but i'm struggling to keep up the energy levels that is requires and I feel like i'm doing a rubbish job at work and at home! I'm conscientious and a people pleaser, a dreadful mix which means I bring a lot of my work home with me and am often preoccupied on my days off with my family. Currently I work 30 hours per week, which is 3 shifts. Twice a week I leave the house at 7am and am home by 7:30pm. Once a week I work a long day so am on the 06:30am train and walking back through the door close to 10pm. I don't see my little boy on my working days and it all falls to my (extremely busy) husband. On my days off, my husband is in the office by 6am and home around 8pm. He works 6 days a week and never takes any holiday!
Since returning to work after maternity leave 7 months ago i've been toying with idea of taking a job at my local hospital with a step down from management responsibilities. It's a much smaller NHS Trust without any of the prestige as my current hospital. I've been offered a band 6 job in the community with set days x 3 a week. I will be based 10 minutes down the road from my house and I will be able to take my little boy to childcare and collect him and do bedtime. I can also get a place for my little boy at the on-site NHS nursery for 2 days a week, paying roughly the same as our current set up at a private nursery where he goes 1 day a week. This relieves my in-laws of some childcare duties as they currently take him twice a week and are in their early 70's. Taking over the childcare drop offs relieves some pressure on my husband who is struggling to manage his workload with another new business launching later this year.
We can just about afford the salary reduction (which pre-tax and travel costs is about 12k a year) but we will have much less of a security net and we won't be able to put anything into savings. Our disposable income will also obviously reduce but we're pretty good at budgeting and the numbers just about seem to work.
I'm really struggling to give myself permission to take the job! I'm worried I am letting myself down and feel silly for wanting a slightly easier ride. The new job will be purely clinical and I won't be stretching myself professionally. I have been a community midwife for many years so know the field very well. Also we would like to start trying for baby No.2 at the end of this year so am I stupid for missing out on the higher maternity leave pay package? I had a very stressful pregnancy last time as my dad died 2 weeks before I gave birth. We only want 2 children so I would really like to try and enjoy a 2nd pregnancy and take it a bit easy. Last time around was so sad and stressful and I feel I missed out on all the lovely stuff.
Everybody who knows me well (family and friends) thinks it's a no brainer however I think my work colleagues must think i'm crazy! I'm essentially giving myself a demotion. Band 7 positions are hard to come by and I worked really hard to get to where I am. There are also lots of other midwives at work who commute a similar distance with young children, am I being a wuss?
Thanks for any words of wisdom you may be able to contribute! Am feeling like a bit of a failure :(