what would youdo? commute, move or stay pennyless???

[entropy]

to cut a long story shortish I'm very skilled and there are only a few places in the contry that I can work to continue my career. when dd was born with SN I had a hormonal wobble and we moved back to my hometown so that dd could be close to my family. they love her to bits and would have her part time if I can get a new job. there are no jobs locally that I could do using my qualificatins and experience .

I've seen a good job but its a 2h each way commute. I could move to be closer but that would put us too far away for my parents to do the childcare. and part-time work is not available.

I don't want to leave dd all day every day but we need the money and if I don't go back soon I won't be able to get back as my skills will be hopelessly out of date.

I'm visually impaired and it tends to be the lower skilled more flexible jobs that I really struggle with. so from that perspective I would be mad to throw away my career. but it was my decision to have dd and I don't want her to suffer because I have to work....

am I mad to think that the commute is the best compromise??

Hello
That sounds tough. I can tell you what I did. I spent 3/4 years as a sahm and when I wanted to start work again it was hard. We moved from Devon to Bristol (with 10yo ds and about to be born dd) expecting it to be relatively easy to find work for me. It wasn't. I worked for a while as an interim and then had a nasty 8 months out of work. Dh was a sahd so it was tough, very tough. I then applied for and go a well paid contract 2.5 hours away from home and the only way I could do it was living away in the week. Dd was 18months old at this point and ds was 7.5

I did it for six months, was v v v hard as I got up at 5. 30am on Monday mornigns and didn't get home til 8pm on Friday nights. BUT it made my skills current again, paid some bills and improved my confidence. They offered me a perm job and so we relocated. I spent over 2 years there and left last year when it looked as if I was about to be made redundant anyway due to a restructure. I now commute 2 hours each way each day but as a contractor. I have more than doubled my salary in the past three years due to doing this.

So, my advice is:

• sometimes, as bossykate said to me at the time, you;ve got to do what you've got to do
• so you need to earn some money
• you need to keep your skills up to date
• you need to think longer term and bigger picture

what about your partner in this? What's his/er position?

Is there a middle ground, i.e.

• do commute short term to get your skills up to date
• move half way
• find childcare nearer work
• get job and then negotiate some time from home/compressed hours/flexibility

I think you should apply for the job in any case - you've only got a decision to make if you get it and you might as well see if you can get it. Take it from there. But I think you could manoeuvre yourself into a position where in a couple of years time you can have a bit more compromise in your life, having made some shortish term sacrifices.

Ultimately, we moved to be nearer work. I knew if we relocated and the job I took didn't work out that I could work in London and so I am.

I wouldn't choose stay penniless out of any of those options but I spent a long time as a sahm quite broke and I hated it.

And I think there are things you can do to make a commute bearable in the short term, i.e.

get a laptop and do online shopping etc on the train
agree some working on train once you're established in role/contract to cut down time actually at work
look at train times and most efficient journeys
go first class if your finances allow
consider startig and finishing earlier
realise that you just HAVE to put life on hold ish - i.e go to bed at 10pm, get up early, be v organised.
For me the week is mostly about working, there isn't much time for anything else

ds was 6 when we moved to Bristol btw,
children are now 10 and 4 and very happy
but I have dh who does all dropping off and collecting
I have ex mil who can do emergency childcare
I have part time nanny/cleaner who picks up ds twice a week
we shop online
I get first class train
I work from home sometimes

my commute is 2 hours each way each day

I am knackered, I admit. Am at home this week re charging and I really need it.

thanks for your replies!

It's cross pennine so unfortunatly here aren't any faster links. Getting over those pesky hills is difficult, I am working on the fastest train/bus combos with a lift from dh to the station and i'm still at the 2h mark with an hour wait if I miss a connection. if dh can't ferry me to and from the station we are looking at another hour, calling my parents! or a pricey taxi.

All the "half way" places are remote villages and those with train stations are too expensive even with two salaries, and I don't want to move to greater manchester!! Dh did a year commuting from doncaster to london on a daily basis and has just started a local job. he is dead against me commuting as it made him very down but we picked our house for its location as it's perfect for dd and I don't want to move! he drives and if we did move it would mean an hour each way driving and he already works long hours... I'd rather it was me travelling than dh, or my parents.

dd's sn are minor now so thats not the issue we thought it might be luckily.

I know If its anything like my last job I would be able to cut back my hours after I'd been there a year or so but dd is 18 months old and it seems mean to take mummy away for a greater good that she won't understand.

the interview is on wednesday. its at 12:30 and I have to leave at 9:30 to get there in time... wish me luck!!

Can't you get the job then after you've proved yourself (so 2 months?) negotiate 1 or 2 days a week from home? And potentially shorter week/hours?

Are there def no jobs nearer you? (looked at your profile and did quick search and there were some but realise I haven't a CLUE!)

I wish I knew what was the right thing... thats why I'm on here when I should be cleaning the kitchen! I'm trying to make sense of it all.

nope definatly not a work from home job. I'm a formulation scientist. not sure they would let me on the train with my chemicals I have had my CV put forward for more local jobs which are the same job but in a different industry (I'm a printing ink specialist and the closest they make round here is shampoo!) and I haven't had one nibble. I'm over qualified for the junoir roles and don't have the knowlege or experience for the seniour ones. I signed up to a specialist recruitment agency and they told me I would have to move house

it's not so much about the money. it's by no means a well paid thing to do! but it pays more than minimum wage which is my only alternative, and not doing it has made me feel like I'm not me. but I chose to have dd. and I know I should put her needs first.....

Entropy

I have a long commute to work but tbh I do manage okay. My employer allows me to (a) work from home when I want to (b) work from a satellite office that is only 8 miles away once a week (c) flexible start times to avoid rush hour - so I start either at 10.30 or at 7.00.

All these things are fine and dandy but in practice, I still have to meet billing targets and be with my team for large chunks of time, but as strategies they do help.

Getting the IT right is helpful - dunno anything about chemistry - do you need to be in labs all the time? But in my line of work as long as the IT works, and you can do conference calls and webmeetings etc, you can work remotely occasionally.

Endorse the suggestion of condensing hours.

By the way I absolutely think you should keep your skills up - that has to be the right decision.