Going on a business trip for the first time, DS is 11 months old...am I a bad mum?

[RoRoMommy]

I told my firm no travel for the first year, but I am on a great deal and there's a trip to Greece coming up this week. I volunteered myself for it, not the least because I want to advance in my job and being available for this trip (and showing availability for others) is a big deal.

But DS is not yet 1 year old, so am I doing something that will harm him? My milk supply appears to be established (no more "full" boobs, there's milk when he needs it but I am getting less when expressing), but I am still a bit worried about the impact on my supply.

So am I a bad mum for putting my job before these concerns so soon in his life? My mum is living with us to help with him, and my husband is supportive. I could use some advice/encouragement/reality check...

Thanks in advance.

you are not a bad mum. Your son will be fine. my only piece of advice would be to prepare yourself for your return - i left my daughter for 5 days when she was about 8 months and when i returned she was quite off with me for about 1/2 hour which hurt quite a lot (even though it was self inflicted). no lasting damage though. your experience may be different - but this was mine. No regrets though. it's part of the life package we have chosen as a family.

Of course you're not a bad mum! I went to New York for 5 days when my son was 4 months old. No damage done. And guess what I really enjoyed it .

I had to go back to a bit of travel when DS was 6 months (v bad timing - the other person who does this role was pg at the same time and had twins 7 weeks after DS was born, European sales manager went on mat leave the week I came back, and theres no chance of getting any mat leave cover), and I've travelled ever since.

DS is always more than delighted to see the num nums back, and I don't find milk supply to be a problem (he's 20 months old now).

Enjoy a bit of you time, the guaranteed full nights sleep, and travelling without talking about moo cows etc.

I do get a bit sniffy when I see people with toddlers at the airport, and I do miss DS, but as Mrs Wobble says, its the life package that we've chosen, and I'm quite happy with that.

That's very helpful, thank you so much. I think it will be nice to have a full night's sleep, since it's been a while (as you all know), plus a nice hotel and time to myself, doesn't sound half bad...

It's quite helpful particularly knowing that your DS will hopefully be happy to have num nums upon my return, and that hopefully I won't have a milk supply issue.

Thanks mners!

One word of caution... be prepared for other people to foist their views on you. I went away for 2 nights when DD1 was 8 months. Chatting over dinner to one of my German colleagues, it came up that I had a young daughter. When he heard what age she was, he looked HORRIFIED and said "A child that age needs its mother at home!"

Needless to say I did not have any kind of response to this and shuffled off to the loos to cry. Sadly this kind of thing has happened a few times now. It might be helpful to have a prepared answer to hand to ward off any such 'helpful' comments!

Holy shit.

That's awful. I am really sorry you had to deal with that kind of rudeness and cruelty. As if it isn't hard enough!

Okay, so let's think of pithy responses...

erm...anyone?

Dh has a 2 week work trip to the us when DD was 9mo. Funnily enough, no-one batted an eyelid .

DD did sulk with DH for an hour or two when he got back, but soon forgot she was supposed to be in a bad mood. hope the trip goes well!

I'd be interested in suggestions too.

The best I have yet come up with is "Luckily my husband has always been very involved in looking after DD so she is totally secure with him when I'm away. So, how old are YOUR children?"

I'd like to think this provokes a glimmer of guilt in the men (for it is ALWAYS a man) when he thinks of his own long working/ travelling hours.

On the plus side, there is a fantastic sense of solidarity between women who are working away from their children.

1. no, it won't hard him, someone else will advice on aupply
2. no, not at all. your dh is there as is your mum, he is being well looked after

I always love the ones who ask 'so whos looking after DS whilst you're away ?'. Like his father will have a melt down without me.
I usually get a joke in first about DH and DS having lads nights in. Lots of men have helpfully told me how they wouldn't want their wives to be working ft/travelling, which is jolly kind of them.

On the occasions that I get to travel with colleagues, the mums have a collective outing to the spa, early dinner, and for those with older children a run down on the remote parenting issue of the day

yes cmotdibbler, another kindly chap told me that his wife went back to work after their first child, but realised that it was "f*cking up the kid" and so gracefully retired from the workplace when their second was born....!

How charming !

Its an interesting international thing too - my US colleagues all have SAHM wives who basically shore up their husbands insane travel schedules. Its hard for them to comprehend that we both have careers that aren't exactly easy to come by, and so we work around each other to make it work.
Scandanavian colleagues were confused by going back to work 'early', but had meltdowns at the parental leave in this country. Otherwise very supportive as they tend to do shared care. Did ask some very personal questions about bf, which was entertaining from a bunch of physicists.

Do you mainly do Europe ? Annoyingly I have to go to the US for 1 day next week - a meeting somewhere means I can't fit anything around it, and it needs the face to face.

One day in the US?? Sounds horrendous. Yes, luckily it's all been Europe so far for me. Agree wholeheartedly about Scandinavians, their system sounds amazing. And I do find it tends to be the German men who are shocked by working/ travelling mothers. I have been told that there has been until recently a strong "Kinder, Kuche, Kirche" ethic within government/ society and a lack of any early-years childcare- which in turn may account in part for the fact that their birthrate is in trouble.

Wonder if that will change under Merkel?

Yeah - am not a happy bunny about it as it will take 3 days to do a mornings work, and theres other stuff I could have usefully done, but the flights just don't work out, esp as the meetings a Wednesday, on an island off South Carolina. Nevermind, will be back out to the US two weeks later to go to California. Am still avoiding the Australasian trips though.
We have a couple of offices in Germany, and the couple of working mums I know do seem to have a lot of trouble with childcare - the kindergartens close for weeks at a time. I remember before I had DS that it was the germans who would ask most intrusively why exactly I didn't have children.
I hope they will have a bit of a shakeup around employment generally !