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Original poster

Torn over whether to go for promotion!

24 replies

Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 08:13

Apologies in advance, I will try to keep this as succinct as possible but would just appreciate views from anyone who isn't in the middle of all this!

I currently work 4 days, and most days can finish early-ish (around 4). This is great because my daughter is almost 2 and so is in nursery. She's generally there from around 7:30 - 4, 3 days a week.

I have been approached to apply for a promotion, which if I was just concerned about myself I would love to apply for. It would be great experience and a potential stepping stone to more senior level positions.

However, I would have to go back to work 5 days, which means an extra day of nursery fees which isn't that much a problem in itself, but I feel guilty putting my daughter in another day when shes so young. Also the pay increase is fairly minimal for a lot more responsibility and most likely longer days. So not only would she be an extra day in nursery, she would be there longer.

I am concerned that as I have been asked to apply, it doesn't look good to not do so and I may be passed over for things in future.

Another complicating factor is that my husband has just got a new job, and he will also likely be working longer hours so also may not have capacity to pick daughter up earlier as I prefer.

I feel ridiculous agonising over this, but as much as I would love to, I m thinking should I stay as I am another year until my daughter is almost 3, and then look around to see what's available?

Thanks for any views. xx

OP posts:
TuesandThursNero · 11/05/2023 08:18

I wouldn’t
why? Because whilst I love my job, I LOVE my day off. It works so well for the family and means weekends are so much more chilled.

and if you are honest and say that whilst you are very keen and if only yourself to consider you’d jump at this opportunity, you’re at a stage in life when it’s not the right time

Rainbowqueeen · 11/05/2023 08:23

Is there a logical reason that you could use to explain why you don’t want to apply? Eg you see your future in a different team or role and would happily apply for that if it came up?

Danikm151 · 11/05/2023 08:23

can you negotiate on the salary?
If your daughter enjoys nursery a few extra hours won’t be to her detriment.

You could always apply, discuss terms and then turn it down if work won’t budge. You could ask for the 4 days etc

Findyourneutralspace · 11/05/2023 08:23

I’d stick with what you love too. Working full time is knackering and you’re only thinking of holding off another year or two.

Original poster
Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 08:26

Danikm151 · 11/05/2023 08:23

can you negotiate on the salary?
If your daughter enjoys nursery a few extra hours won’t be to her detriment.

You could always apply, discuss terms and then turn it down if work won’t budge. You could ask for the 4 days etc

I didn't want to out myself too much but it's a role in education, so little room for negotiation on the salary unfortunately, and the nature of the role means they will definitely need someone 5 days.

Thanks for replying, it's really helpful for me. :)

OP posts:
Desmondo2021 · 11/05/2023 08:28

I would go for the promotion and try to negotiate terms that work for both you and the organisation. Regardless of set precedents or the way things are done at the moment, there's normally wiggle room to get/keep the right person in the right role.

Original poster
Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 08:28

Findyourneutralspace · 11/05/2023 08:23

I’d stick with what you love too. Working full time is knackering and you’re only thinking of holding off another year or two.

Thanks for your reply. I did initially go back full time after maternity leave and I did find it totally overwhelming, so I fought really hard to get these 4 days which does make such a massive difference to balancing stuff at home.
I can't believe really I'm thinking about giving that up already :(

OP posts:
quietnightmare · 11/05/2023 08:59

You have every right to work on you career just like your husband has! So no wonder you are thinking about it. Everyone and every family different only you and your husband will know if this is the right move for you.

You just have to ask yourself truthfully if putting your child in for longer days and extra days in nursery is what you want? It's not putting your career first or negative if you choose to do so. The only thing is they aren't young for long and soon enough your child will be in full time school which takes the choice away from you and you could get a promotion etc then guilt free

Original poster
Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 09:03

quietnightmare · 11/05/2023 08:59

You have every right to work on you career just like your husband has! So no wonder you are thinking about it. Everyone and every family different only you and your husband will know if this is the right move for you.

You just have to ask yourself truthfully if putting your child in for longer days and extra days in nursery is what you want? It's not putting your career first or negative if you choose to do so. The only thing is they aren't young for long and soon enough your child will be in full time school which takes the choice away from you and you could get a promotion etc then guilt free

I totally agree and appreciate what you are saying.
I don't really want her to do longer days or more days as I already feel guilty that her days are long enough.
My husband don't really see eye to eye on that as he says she enjoys nursery (which I think she does) and so not to be so worried. But I like to try and balance things so she has a bit more down time at home.
I'm thinking this time next year she will be 3, and maybe 4 days at nursery would then be good prep for school, but now she still seems so little. :'(
I do have a lot of anxiety around my daughter and try to do my best for her - as we all do for our children.
I just love where I work and don't want to burn bridges there either, but I think this post has really answered my own question hasn't it?

OP posts:
bjrce · 11/05/2023 09:31

Do you think a man would even consider this if he was offered a promotion?

The question you need to ask yourself is - " Would I love this new role?"

You DD will be fine in the nursery, she's not going to miss you - its you that's feeling the angst.

Its very simple - If you want this job, go for it, if you don't - Don't.

The opportunity might not present itself again! The fact that you've been approached speaks volumes about your credentials!

Don't sell yourself short!

DorritLittle · 11/05/2023 09:35

I have just found myself in a similar position and I didn't go for it. I know a man wouldn't think twice etc but I just realised I wouldn't be able to be the mum I want to be/sane/have any time to myself and also do the new job. I know what you mean about looking like you are passing up opportunity. But I figured in a couple of years' time I might feel differently and another job will come up. That said, my kids are much older and I found my commitments massively rose once they got to primary school. You have to think about what YOU want though. My sister worked full time and had three kids, so it can be done. She didn't have much option in her career though, it was in academia.

Original poster
Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 11:54

Just an additional thought from all of your lovely messages - thank you!

Do I apply for the promotion but put a covering note that I am only willing to continue with 4 days at present. Then I have shown willing by applying but if it doesn't work for the company they can discount my application?

Feels like trying to have my cake and eat it!

OP posts:
Inkpotlover · 11/05/2023 12:00

Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 11:54

Just an additional thought from all of your lovely messages - thank you!

Do I apply for the promotion but put a covering note that I am only willing to continue with 4 days at present. Then I have shown willing by applying but if it doesn't work for the company they can discount my application?

Feels like trying to have my cake and eat it!

I would have a frank conversation with the person who approached you to go for it rather than just apply. Tell them that you want to go for the promotion – be enthusiastic, demonstrate your keenness etc – but your circumstances at the moment negate you going up to five days a week. Ask if there's any leeway and if there isn't, ask that they keep you in mind the next time a similar opportunity comes up. If they are amenable to four days, go for it!

Rayna37 · 11/05/2023 12:30

Honestly working full time can be so much better as you're not the "default" parent and the running of the household can be split equally (you have to enforce this though and not accept the double burden; you might also have to accept different standards).

The extra time at nursery will be fine.

Mbop · 11/05/2023 12:47

Could you do compressed hours and work four days.

I'd ring recruiter and have a chat and then decide. Ultimately you'll never get the time with your daughter back but there'll always be other jobs.

purplemunkey · 11/05/2023 12:52

I wouldn't as I'd want to keep my 4 days, but it's a totally personal decision.

Like you, I went back full time after mat leave but hated it and took a part-time job about 4 months later. I moved jobs a few times again before DC started school and I knew from how I felt in those first few months that working more than 4 days was a dealbreaker for me. I've increased my hours over the years but still have flexibility that allows be to do school pick up a few times a week.

I've had a promotion in this time too. I made it clear that I was very interested but did not want to increase my hours. I got the job with my existing work pattern so it worked out in the end, but I was prepared to turn it down if they needed full-time.

ameliaandme · 11/05/2023 16:08

It's so corny but time goes so fast, do what you really want to do and don't let the fact you've been recommended to go for the job influence you.

I gave up my job to work for myself when my eldest was 4 years old, I went to every sports day, school play etc and those times are so valuable to me. We didn't have enough money to go on holidays though so that makes me sad, I feel as parents we can't have it all 🤷‍♀️

Do you what you feel inside will make you and your family happy, if moneybisnt a factor that is

GreenIsle · 11/05/2023 16:49

If it's in education are you only working term time at all?

SilverGlitterBaubles · 11/05/2023 17:19

I would consider how you will manage when your DD goes to school as things are a lot harder to juggle with school holidays and shorter days than nursery. However if you are in education school holidays might not be a big issue.

Original poster
Tgilaura · 11/05/2023 18:35

SilverGlitterBaubles · 11/05/2023 17:19

I would consider how you will manage when your DD goes to school as things are a lot harder to juggle with school holidays and shorter days than nursery. However if you are in education school holidays might not be a big issue.

Hi.
Yes I do worry that things might not necessarily be any easier when she goes to school.
I ll have to find good wrap around care, but I am term time only so that is helpful for the holidays.
How do people juggle a career and young children?
I spend most of my time feeling that I m letting someone down as it is. 😩

OP posts:
LadyWithLapdog · 11/05/2023 18:42

Your heart isn’t in it and I think it’d be more difficult to step down if you feel you hate it, than to wait another 1-2 years. IMO there’ll always be opportunities for promotion in education, it’s tough times.

Test123456879 · 08/09/2023 10:56

OP I know it's an old thread but did you take the promotion? I am in similar boat and looking for suggestions

Original poster
Tgilaura · 08/09/2023 14:10

Hi,

No I didn’t in the end. I didn’t want to be in the position where I felt I d taken on too much and had no time to spend with my daughter.
I m really glad I didn’t now because it looks like there may be another opportunity in the pipeline where I will be able to stay at my 4 days - so I think in hindsight I m glad I turned it down!

What’s your situation?

OP posts:
Original poster
Tgilaura · 08/09/2023 14:11

Test123456879 · 08/09/2023 10:56

OP I know it's an old thread but did you take the promotion? I am in similar boat and looking for suggestions

Sorry meant to quote you above!

OP posts:
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