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Original poster

Partners work being s***y about unpaid parental leave

23 replies

Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 21:54

So I need to travel at the end of august ,I help a family business once a year abroad where my parents live ( legal work ) , I choose that date as I can have work leave then . We both work full time . My partner had no more leave so I told him to request unpaid parental leave since he will need to have the children those 11 days ( I normally have them to hike he is at work as I work from home and work around his schedule as much as possible ) . His work is making it sound like something completely unacceptable and telling him I need to go another time as it’s my role to have kids while he works . I’m sure they will give it to him as they can just delay it and they auge no justification to do it ( huge team one member missing won’t really make a massive difference to production ) . But the way it came across was he is the guy so for sure it’s my job as a woman to be park around his job . He put them in their place straight away and replied “ she earns 3 times what I do so it makes more sense that I get unpaid leave “ .
Am I right to get a bit miffed about this misogynist view ?
He never had unpaid parental leave or even any days out due to children being unwell as I work from home I’m normally able to accommodate any sicknesses etc so it’s not like he is abusing the system .

OP posts:
Hbh17 · 10/05/2023 21:58

If you do this every year, why didn't your partner save sufficient annual leave? I'd be annoyed if I were his employer too, because this is not an emergency it's just poor planning on his part.

Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:00

omg I just realised the spelling mistakes , I have no idea how to edit it , so I apologise . I had the keyboard on another language and didn’t realise

OP posts:
Sirzy · 10/05/2023 22:00

Sounds like the issue is poor planning for his holiday dates then expecting to be able to take unpaid leave at what in most places is a time when many staff are on holiday.

Littlegoth · 10/05/2023 22:01

@hbh17 Who said it was an emergency? Working parents have a statutory entitlement to unpaid leave. 18 weeks per child - and per parent - to be used by the time the child is 18. 4 weeks max per year can be taken. It’s not poor planning, they’ve factored in this legal right to unpaid leave (subject to meeting criteria - which is set by HMRC, not the employer)

swanling · 10/05/2023 22:03

Hbh17 · 10/05/2023 21:58

If you do this every year, why didn't your partner save sufficient annual leave? I'd be annoyed if I were his employer too, because this is not an emergency it's just poor planning on his part.

It has nothing to do with emergencies.

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Unpaid parental leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid parental leave - eligibility, how much leave can be taken and notice periods

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 10/05/2023 22:03

Parents have an entitlement to unpaid leave, up to 4 weeks a year per child.
https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Does his company have a business need to decline it? If not then they’re obliged to let him have the time off.

Unpaid parental leave

Employer and employee guide to unpaid parental leave - eligibility, how much leave can be taken and notice periods

https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

tailinthejam · 10/05/2023 22:03

Let me get this straight... his employer is telling him that looking after children is woman's work and he shouldn't be taking time off to do it?!

Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:04

Hbh17 · 10/05/2023 21:58

If you do this every year, why didn't your partner save sufficient annual leave? I'd be annoyed if I were his employer too, because this is not an emergency it's just poor planning on his part.

Because this year they changed the way holidays are booked and decided to close during Christmas and made everyone use their holidays that week so it means we are down a week , he still has 3 days , I tried to book it aggregates to June bank holiday but they won’t accept holidays added before or after a bank holiday . Plus if we did it we would have to cut a summer holiday and I’m not doing that as I’m not taking time from teh children or is as a family .

OP posts:
Littlegoth · 10/05/2023 22:05

Employer will need to be able
to justify turning it down and it will be hard to do if there are other points in the year where they’ve allowed more team members to be off. Many employers do have this outdated and misogynistic view that looking after the kids is the woman’s job, and they are reluctant to give unpaid leave - but they can’t turn it down without good reason.

Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:06

tailinthejam · 10/05/2023 22:03

Let me get this straight... his employer is telling him that looking after children is woman's work and he shouldn't be taking time off to do it?!

Pretty much that ! He never misses work either due to family reasons so I think he is even more annoyed over this interaction than me

OP posts:
Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:09

Tacocatgoatcheesepizza · 10/05/2023 22:03

Parents have an entitlement to unpaid leave, up to 4 weeks a year per child.
https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Does his company have a business need to decline it? If not then they’re obliged to let him have the time off.

Thanks , we are well aware of the legal side it was just the way he was spoken too .

OP posts:
Blip · 10/05/2023 22:10

Basically your DH has a asking for 11 days unpaid leave on top of his normal paid leave allocation?

I think the employer would be reasonable to say no to this as he could have planned his leave differently and stayed within his allocated allowance. This is what most people do.

Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:13

Sirzy · 10/05/2023 22:00

Sounds like the issue is poor planning for his holiday dates then expecting to be able to take unpaid leave at what in most places is a time when many staff are on holiday.

We did our best to go as far as I could towards teh end of august ( I’m in Scotland so kids are back in school mid august ) . We tried to negotiate , as he still has 3 days so tried to adjoin 3 days of the weekend and June bank holiday ( I could go there myself too ). But they refuse this as it’s company policy not to allow holidays to be added to bank holidays . So it left us no choice .

OP posts:
Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:15

Blip · 10/05/2023 22:10

Basically your DH has a asking for 11 days unpaid leave on top of his normal paid leave allocation?

I think the employer would be reasonable to say no to this as he could have planned his leave differently and stayed within his allocated allowance. This is what most people do.

No it’s actually 7 working days and why I would they say no if as parents we have the right to up to 4 unpaid weeks a year if we need to use them . He needs to take care of the kids that week .

OP posts:
MabelMoo23 · 10/05/2023 22:20

There is not enough annual leave to cover taking care of children. It’s not poor planning , unpaid parental leave is something that parents are legally entitled to, max 4 weeks a year to a total of 18 weeks.

so it’s not about poor planning, it’s about using something designed to take care of children. End of

swanling · 10/05/2023 22:21

I get the sense that his employers have a similar level of familiarity with parental leave as certain posters replying here.

Original poster
Nothingisblackandwhite · 10/05/2023 22:26

swanling · 10/05/2023 22:21

I get the sense that his employers have a similar level of familiarity with parental leave as certain posters replying here.

I think you might be right . They didn’t even accept his request . I made him a letter to hand in to HR tomorrow . I made sure to point out all the legalities . They know I work within the legal profession so hopefully they I’ll be enough to not make a big deal out of it or make him feel like there will be any repercussions

OP posts:
MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 10/05/2023 22:40

If they genuinely implied that you should be taking care of the kids because you're female, then they're total twats, obviously. That said, I think your DH was also being a bit of a twat saying that he should get unpaid leave because you earn much more than him. That is not his employer's problem and it's irrelevant - he would be entitled to parental leave regardless.

As others have said, they'll need to quote a valid business reason for refusing his request, but they can delay it if they have a clear justification for this. His best option would be to put in a formal written request and see what they do with it.

Premiumbondbaby · 11/05/2023 00:16

@Nothingisblackandwhite your husbands employers are being twats. They are also being discriminatory.

You know the legal rights regarding parental leave, but you can add in sex discrimination. By telling him, as a male employee, he should not be applying for parental leave because child care is his wife’s job they are implying they would grant it without question to female employees because they see child care as their job.

MintJulia · 11/05/2023 00:32

As an employer, I can see how someone suddenly needing an extra 11 days leave would be difficult. My boss would have a purple fit if I requested anything like that, unless it was a medical emergency/bereavement. It's hard enough to hit the numbers with the staff we have.

But he's legally entitled, and you know you can. And to be fair if they have changed the company holiday structure they are partially to blame for the issue.

LostRahRah · 11/05/2023 00:50

Blip · 10/05/2023 22:10

Basically your DH has a asking for 11 days unpaid leave on top of his normal paid leave allocation?

I think the employer would be reasonable to say no to this as he could have planned his leave differently and stayed within his allocated allowance. This is what most people do.

Why does the legal entitlement to parental leave exist then, if everyone should just use their annual leave to cover it instead? It is designed for exactly this type of situation where somebody - for whatever reason - need to spend more time than usual caring for their children.

OP - yes this is misogynistic crap and a totally unacceptable way for them to speak to your husband. I'd be livid. Glad he stood up to them. We'll never have equality if people stand for this kind of nonsense when fathers are belittled for trying to step up and do a share of parenting. I think he should make a formal complaint to HR.

LostRahRah · 11/05/2023 00:52

swanling · 10/05/2023 22:21

I get the sense that his employers have a similar level of familiarity with parental leave as certain posters replying here.

Probably. That's their problem though. Legal rights exist whether the employer is ignorant of them or not. Maybe they'll learn something from this if he makes a formal complaint and mot behave like this again. Maybe.

ASandwichNamedKevin · 08/11/2023 22:55

@Nothingisblackandwhite did you guys get this resolved? Just curious as my employer are being a bit rubbish about similar.

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