Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Wrongly accused of something a while ago and still dealing with effects

33 replies

pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 20:01

Just over a year ago my boss (sole biz owner) accused me of something based on something a colleague had said. We work in financial services. The suggestion was that I had effectively concealed information from authorities and misreported figures.

He didn't verify or look into the accusation before confronting me about it & tearing me a new hole. I had been off a week A/L and returned straight into this. During the bollocking I was so shocked and confused that I could barely speak. I asked for the opportunity to prove it was incorrect and he kept rattling off the repercussions of my actions. When it was over I went straight to my computations printed off an audit log and anything I could to show him. He wasn't interested because he was off for the next 2 weeks and I "had already ruined it". I of course spent the next fortnight worried sick and looking over my shoulder.

Fast forward, it comes to light that it was all utter crap. The colleague who flagged my so called egregious error was then caught out having committed their own negligence. They no longer work for the biz. This colleague had an investigation before his dismissal process. I got a big "sorry, I was acting off false information". I was then flashed a huge smile, given a pat on the back and told "best not tell the team about this"

It was over a year ago but there have been so many passive aggressive digs and snarky comments about me making other (granted less serious) mistakes. Often they're his mistakes but he blames them on me. I've stood up for myself and asked him not to again. He says "look I know youre not dumb but it doesn't look good if the boss f**ks up, is it?"

I'm so fed up. I know I need to leave but prior to this I actually loved my job. I've been there over a decade and this event wrecked my confidence so much I feel like I'm crap and couldn't get work elsewhere.

Have any of you got experience with being wrongfully accused of something?

Did you leave? Did the lack of confidence ever shift? I just wish he would have investigated before causing all this harm. It was perfectly doable, I wasn't even in the buildings for the week prior.

OP posts:
Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 20:05

Sorry missed out

My DH says I should sue the company but I don't see I have a leg to stand on. The bollocking wasn't recorded - no witness - no formal disciplinary. It would be my word or recollection against the owner of the business

OP posts:
Quveas · 10/05/2023 20:52

Sue them for what? Being idiots or bad employers isn't against the law. You don't have a case of anything. Just find another job.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:01

Absolutely fair

OP posts:
OhhhhhhhhBiscuits · 10/05/2023 21:04

You need to leave. You will always be the bosses scapegoat. He doesn't give a fuck about you and is blatantly showing you. You are worth more than this.

StrictlyAFemaleFemale · 10/05/2023 21:04

Leave.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:06

Thank you- really shouldn't need validation from strangers but this has wrecked my confidence. Kinda feel like no job is worth this

OP posts:
toodledo · 10/05/2023 21:06

This sounds dreadful, im sorry you've had to be put through this. Your boss has shown his true colours and has essentially made you a scapegoat, even after acting so poorly. You're better off moving somewhere else even if it's sad to have to.

If you're feeling vindictive I'd send out a company wide email highlighting exactly what actually happened on your last day ok the job. You don't deserve to be painted like the bad guy.

Windowcleaning · 10/05/2023 21:10

Yes, I was wrongly accused of stealing money from the till in my part-time pub job many years ago. It transpired quite quickly that the deputy manager couldn't add up, so had done the sums wrong.

It felt absolutely horrible though. I had been there on an 'as and when' basis and they never called me back, and I don't think I'd have gone anyway.

Other people I know that similar have happened to have always left the job very soon afterwards. There's not really a way back from being blamed and mistrusted, unless you receive a full and honest apology and future actions back this up.

You need to get your CV together and start job-hunting. A careers coach might help you feel more focused.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:13

Window cleaning I'm sorry to read you've experienced this too. Thank you for your help

Will be sorting CV this weekend... always thought I'd never have to again but hey Ho

OP posts:
Lacoeur · 10/05/2023 21:14

For your own sanity you need to leave, find another job and rebuild your confidence. I worked for an unhinged nutter about a decade ago and honestly it was the worst experience of my life. You have a right to dignity at work and you’ll never have it dealing with people like your boss.

itsrainin · 10/05/2023 21:16

Why haven’t you raised a grievance though? Because as an outsider, that’s not an acceptable way to be treated at work

Paq · 10/05/2023 21:18

You do need to leave. You have entered the "face doesn't fit" zone and sadly there's no coming back. Just keep hold of the fact that it is not in any way a reflection on you and your worth.

I've been there, coming up to 3 years the other side and only just unpicking my feelings about it.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:20

itsrainin · 10/05/2023 21:16

Why haven’t you raised a grievance though? Because as an outsider, that’s not an acceptable way to be treated at work

Sorry not sure if I've done this right but RE grievance I'm not sure what weight it holds or if I have grounds if there's no recording of the meeting. About the digs and pretending I've made his mistakes I'm not sure what I would achieve. I don't know...

OP posts:
Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:22

Paq · 10/05/2023 21:18

You do need to leave. You have entered the "face doesn't fit" zone and sadly there's no coming back. Just keep hold of the fact that it is not in any way a reflection on you and your worth.

I've been there, coming up to 3 years the other side and only just unpicking my feelings about it.

Sorry you've had this too :(

Hope you can process fully and as easily as possible

OP posts:
Springissprunging · 10/05/2023 21:28

My MD, also a small business, accused me of deliberately not emailing a customer invoices in order to fuck up their cash flow in an attempt to sabotage the company. He then went on holiday leaving me in sole charge.

He had checked the system that the invoices were supposed to automatically email from but that part of the system hadn't worked for weeks and he had been copied into the emails to the company who owned it trying to get it resolved. He had also been copied in the emails where I had manually scanned and sent the invoices.

He wouldn't listen to me, shouted over me, told me as soon as he got back I was going to be fired for gross misconduct (but not before he went on holiday because I was apparently still competent enough to run the entire office)

I walked out and got another job fairly easily, on more money with less stress. I got trained up and have gone from the 12k I was on at the time to 62k a few years later.

I will never work for a small business again. Some of them may be good but I've seen too many people ground down by egotistical bullies who would never cope in a large organisation with a HR department.

Let this be your path to a better job, a better working environment etc. I didn't think so at the time but he really did me a favour in many ways.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:32

Springissprunging · 10/05/2023 21:28

My MD, also a small business, accused me of deliberately not emailing a customer invoices in order to fuck up their cash flow in an attempt to sabotage the company. He then went on holiday leaving me in sole charge.

He had checked the system that the invoices were supposed to automatically email from but that part of the system hadn't worked for weeks and he had been copied into the emails to the company who owned it trying to get it resolved. He had also been copied in the emails where I had manually scanned and sent the invoices.

He wouldn't listen to me, shouted over me, told me as soon as he got back I was going to be fired for gross misconduct (but not before he went on holiday because I was apparently still competent enough to run the entire office)

I walked out and got another job fairly easily, on more money with less stress. I got trained up and have gone from the 12k I was on at the time to 62k a few years later.

I will never work for a small business again. Some of them may be good but I've seen too many people ground down by egotistical bullies who would never cope in a large organisation with a HR department.

Let this be your path to a better job, a better working environment etc. I didn't think so at the time but he really did me a favour in many ways.

I needed this. Thank you & well done you

OP posts:
Barleysugar86 · 10/05/2023 21:34

I'd disagree, I've worked for equally bad bosses in big companies sadly. They were too integral to the business for HR to do anything even though they knew how horrible they were at managing.
Totally agree leaving is the way to go. Take annual leave for any interview days and get yourself feeling confident before (new clothes/ haircut/ upbeat music etc) to get your bad boss out of your head.
Left mine a year ago and it's a million times better at new job, I wish I'd left sooner.

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:37

@Barleysugar86 I definitely need to do something to make myself feel as good as I did before this, cheers!

OP posts:
PinkFootstool · 10/05/2023 21:38

Challenge it. Every time. Every snide remark. Every insinuation that home made an error when you haven't. Accept any of your own mistakes publicly, but push back on every one that's not yours. Why should you be made to feel bad?

Fuck making him look better and you look bad. He's the boss, he needs to suck it up.

And definitely job hunt!

SaltyGod · 10/05/2023 21:39

Sadly I don't think this will get better. His behaviour is set and you're not going to be able to change it.

I absolutely understand the way that work stress can seep its way into every part of your life. It permeates everything. Having been in that situation I'd strongly recommend you to leave, and if you can afford it, to take a break between roles so that you can regroup and find the normal you again.

You are competent and capable, and this one idiot boss isn't going to change that. You just need to find yourself and your confidence again. I was able to move on from my toxic boss and the difference is wonderful. I now genuinely enjoy work again.

Best of luck

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 10/05/2023 21:42

Thank you so much... I'm again speechless.

OP posts:
Atethehalloweenchocs · 10/05/2023 21:48

A reasonable person would not have reacted like he did in the first place. His response when he found out he was in the wrong is even more of a red flag. He has no respect for others and will continue to dig at you. In the meantime, stand up for yourself. You have nothing to lose, and will feel better that you have not let his crap go past.

Newestname002 · 12/05/2023 02:56

@pleasehelpimlost

It was over a year ago but there have been so many passive aggressive digs and snarky comments about me making other (granted less serious) mistakes. Often they're his mistakes but he blames them on me. I've stood up for myself and asked him not to again. He says "look I know youre not dumb but it doesn't look good if the boss fks up, is it?"

This person doesn't respect you at all does he? I'm sorry that a year after the last big incident he's not changed for the better and that your confidence took such a knock.

I'm glad you are getting the process together to leave and find another employer who will, one hopes, value you in the way you should be.

Don't forget to leave an (anonymous) review about your boss and the company in Glassdoor once you've left. 🌹

Newestname002 · 12/05/2023 02:58

@Springissprunging

He wouldn't listen to me, shouted over me, told me as soon as he got back I was going to be fired for gross misconduct (but not before he went on holiday because I was apparently still competent enough to run the entire office)

What an idiot! Him, not you! 🌹

Original poster
pleasehelpimlost · 12/05/2023 13:54

You're all a bunch of wonderful people. Thank you Flowers

OP posts: