Picking yourself up from rejection

[TeenLifeMum]

I’ve been in my job 11 years working my way up with 6 years in my current role. perfect feedback/appraisals etc. last June my company merged and teams joined up. I’m the only person left from my site - one redundant and 3 left due to poor culture in the team.

There has been bullying and I’ve been without a line manager since June. I have one but he’s the director and rarely speaks to me, ignores my emails etc. larger team is so established it’s been hard to fit myself in. In short, I’m miserable. I’ve been looking for jobs and have had 3 interviews but always someone better for various reasons (things I can’t change).

I know they’re looking for the best fit but currently I feel so unwanted by everyone, even “my own” team. I’m good at my job but can’t really do that in the current set up. I’ll have to be interviewed for my current role sometime in the summer and part of me wonders if they’re trying to get rid of me.

I’m just completely lost and unwanted with nothing anyone values to give. How do I keep plodding on and putting myself out there?

I’ve been for jobs at my level only to be told I need to go for more senior roles because I’m “clearly ready” and will be bored, but then I go for those and there’s someone who’s already at that level. I can’t win and feel trapped. I’ve always been so career focused but really wondering why I bothered.

It gets a bit sole destroying doesn't it. Have you got or can you get a mentor? It can help to have someone along for the journey.

Are you applying internally or externally? If internally I'd switch that up.

What are the aspects beyond your control that you're referring to?

Externally but linked organisations. Civil service.

So, one role I was begged to apply for but someone else got it with very different experience and knows the director well having worked together before. I can’t replicate that.

I'm civil service too. What grade roles are you applying for?

I’ve pmd as I don’t want to be too outing.

firstly I want to say sorry for what your having to deal with, it’s rubbish.

I’ve had this recently, left a team with a bullying culture, went through the agony of many interviews to find something else because I had to leave.

it was horrible (thankfully I’ve got a job now) and every time I go knocked back I was back at square one, depressed, dwelling on what I did wrong etc.

what got me through it was simply this - I had to get another job, at any cost. So I just had to keep picking myself up, preparing for the interview, wasting my own time researching the company etc, because there was no alternative. I had to manage my own expectations of the process and recognise this would never be a time I’d look back fondly on.

it was crap but also kind of character building (in the end I got offered 2 excellent jobs). You have to see it as partial luck - you have a job, you’re good at it, but understand often at interview, other candidates have the upper hand either by experience, or someone they know, or just being better on the day. It’s not personal.

that’s not to say you can’t improve your luck (get a mentor, ask for feedback etc) but see it more as a process, rather than something that can be covered off and finished quickly. It will end and you will find another job I’m sure.

hold your head high and keep going. Best of luck with it x

firstly I want to say sorry for what your having to deal with, it’s rubbish.

I’ve had this recently, left a team with a bullying culture, went through the agony of many interviews to find something else because I had to leave.

it was horrible (thankfully I’ve got a job now) and every time I go knocked back I was back at square one, depressed, dwelling on what I did wrong etc.

what got me through it was simply this - I had to get another job, at any cost. So I just had to keep picking myself up, preparing for the interview, wasting my own time researching the company etc, because there was no alternative. I had to manage my own expectations of the process and recognise this would never be a time I’d look back fondly on.

it was crap but also kind of character building (in the end I got offered 2 excellent jobs). You have to see it as partial luck - you have a job, you’re good at it, but understand often at interview, other candidates have the upper hand either by experience, or someone they know, or just being better on the day. It’s not personal.

that’s not to say you can’t improve your luck (get a mentor, ask for feedback etc) but see it more as a process, rather than something that can be covered off and finished quickly. It will end and you will find another job I’m sure.

hold your head high and keep going. Best of luck with it x

Thank you @Gpnever my feedback is I come across really well and to keep applying as in another line up I’d get it. It’s comfort I’m not going for inappropriate roles but still horrible I’m stuck where I am. I earn a good salary so it’s not easy to get similar. I’ll keep looking.

I got stuck between levels once and it was horrible. Clearly too experienced/ old for the junior level ( had consciously stepped down when I had kids) but whenever I tried to go fir the next level up, which I wanted , I lost out to someone with more experience. And I couldn't stay with current employer as they were toxic.

Eventually I took a short term role and someone left and I got lucky. It's not s nice place to be though.

@BluebellBlueballs I know it’s just a phase but it’s been going on almost a year. I’ve learned a lot but I’m done “learning” now and close to being signed off. I got sleeping pills from my gp but she wanted to sign me off. Hearing how others speak about a colleague currently signed off I know that’s career suicide. Trying to keep going but clinging on by finger tips. I just want to work somewhere I belong and am valued. I hadn’t realised how quickly that could change.

Glad you’re in a better place!

Excellent advice @Gpnever

How're things going now for you @TeenLifeMum ? I hope you have found a new job

Workplace bullying is the worst and it’s soul destroying. It’s hard to remember it’s not you who is the problem here. But really, it’s not you when 3 people have left because of the culture.

Keep applying for every job you see come up which is at level or higher. Them telling you that you are being interviewed for your role next summer is a polite way of letting you know they are going to most probably be eliminating your role.

Have a goal to apply for 2 jobs a week. If you can stretch to 3 that’s great. Get yourself out to conferences and other places you can meet people in your field. Is there any training you can do so you can have a break from the environment?

@Aintnosupermum it’s a merged company so had to interview and turned out that part was due to another colleague calling in the unions. She’s since been made redundant and I have a confirmed job with a nice team to manage - challenging but in a good way. Bully sits on the other side of the team and is very likely to be promoted - from senior team’s perspective she’s dedicated, works long hours (total martyr) and gets stuff done - all true but she’s also manipulative and a bully.

since confirming my role she’s eased off and has less opportunity, my team has got to know me and have actually started standing up to her when she speaks about me (because I’m actually a really compassionate manager who balances support with high expectations which my team are loving).

overall, things are improved and I’m staying while I complete my uni course then will review in a year. I think I’ll be bored by then but will have some good experiences for my cv.