for context I’m 40 something so been working for 20 ish years. I started a job pt about a year ago. It’s hybrid (is. Learned online via a teams chat/ phone calls with maybe bumping into colleagues in the office once/twice a week etc). I’ve found it tough- and so have other new starters. I was so anxious about it that I had talking therapy for a bit but I like the actual job and I wouldn’t get the flexibility anywhere else.
Anyway I’ve found my managers behaviours slightly strange at times. Because of the way we work I don’t really know how he is with others. So the following has happened:
- when I was very new I said “I don’t know what I’m doing” as a general statement. He said “na you’re fine” then put the phone down on me.
- Again at the beginning, telling me it’s the same job I’d done before (it’s the same job title, different organisation, different actual job, aims, computer system, set up etc)
- more recently I was off sick with d and v. On my return he asked me in the team meeting (about 10 people m, on teams) “did I see a message that you were off sick. What was it you had?” In front of everyone (I had phoned him to call in sick, no answer so teams messaged).
- phoned me one weekend evening, on my personal mobile. I didn’t answer so he sent a follow up text asking about a place to take his child over the weekend that he’d overheard me taking about to a colleague. Then text me when he was at the place. The following week he went on a do not disturb on my working days (and those ones only- could be unrelated who knows).
- Often goes bright red and all flustered when I approach him in the office.
- if we’re in a small group- socially at lunch will talk one to one with others and ignore me. I first couple of times I thought it was a coincidence. It’s been about 5 times now ma’am’s thing every time. But then a couple of times has come to find me in the office just “to see you”.
- Sent an email round the organisation introducing every single team member, including someone who hasn’t started yet and leaving me off it. I sent a jokey email pointing it out- then he sent another one saying how he was awful and had missed me off. Oki doke excellent. Then at our teams team meeting a week later he said how awful he felt how bad it was etc . Tbh I was over it by then .
I will add I suspect I may be autistic. I can be blunt - and sometimes I don’t think people know how to take me- I don’t always get the social stuff right. I will also add that when I first saw him I did think “nice” and harboured a small crush I guess but that’s passed since these behaviours/ struggling with the job etc. so there is a bit of me that thinks that I may have acted a bit strange too 😛
However I think I’m a nice person, work hard and have tried so hard to pick this job up with what I think is pretty shocking support.
It has occurred to me that 1. He thinks I’m shit at my job and can’t be arsed witb me (but feedback says completely different) 2. He just doesn’t like me 3. He likes me a little too much 4. He’s just a bit unboundaried
Anyway thanks for reading so far. Is his behaviour odd or is it me? And how do I deal? I dont really know how he is with other people because of the hybrid/ teams situation. I don’t have anyone I can talk to about this at work to see if this is normal.
Thanks again.