WWYD?

[CutiePatooties]

I dropped down to part time and informed my employer this is due to having family commitments and due to my mental health condition (can’t manage with stress of full time work, plus other responsibilities).

I had a call to work an extra day this week and I felt that I should show willing, so I agreed to work an extra day (despite it not being financially feasible and despite my DH having to take a day’s holiday to stay at home with baby). I thought overall, it would show I care and I’m a team player etc and I don’t like the idea of saying ‘no’ to my boss (it heightens my anxiety).

Well, it had a positive effect - my boss greeted me cheerfully when I was last in, spent time talking to me about general life (never had a non-work related chat with them before) and just seemed overly happy with me. I thought, wow, it was worth the hassle of working an extra day as I just felt so much better at work as a result.

However, I’ve had another call to do an extra day next week and I don’t know what to do. My DH would have to take another day off as holiday, so he’s not happy with me even approaching him with this. It really isn’t financially feasible, as we have our wages topped up with UC so any extra days’ worth of money will just end up being deducted from what we receive from UC. I really am working the extra day this week for nothing, but as I said, the impact on the relationship with my boss has been worth it for doing one extra day. I’m worried that it’s now 2, which will lead to a 3rd request and so on…. Which has a chance of potentially tipping me over the edge stress-wise if it becomes an ongoing thing (I have a personality disorder which rears its ugly head when under pressure/stress).

I can’t imagine anyone else going to work for no money and using up their husband’s holiday entitlement to do so. I can’t help but panic at the thought of saying ‘no’ and feeling like I’m letting people down (which means I can probably kiss goodbye to what feels like the start of a positive relationship with my boss).

WWYD in this situation?

Just say no - you are working the days agreed

Stop enabling them

Just say , 'No, not this time, I don't have childcare'

Just say no, you aren’t available.
It doesn’t look good if you dropped hours but then you are working extra.

The childcare situation is a good reason to say no, you can’t keep using your DHs annual leave for extra days.

I agree, say no. Just tell them you have no childcare this time.

Say you can’t. That’s it, could part of your mental health be issues with boundaries OP?

Absolutely, say you’d love to help out but you have no childcare.

Say no. It's fine.

dont you see your boss normally?
otherwise no

@UnsureSchool32 absolutely. I have fear of abandonment/rejection and also have very black and white thinking. So in my head, I’m thinking ‘if I say no, my boss will hate me and think I don’t care about them or their predicament and they’ll want me out of the organisation.’ Then I’ll start overthinking every following encounter with them… so if I see them the following time and they don’t look pleased to see me, don’t greet me, don’t give eye contact, don’t talk to me in the staffroom, etc I’ll conclude that my beliefs were right and that I should’ve just said yes to everything that’s asked of me.

It’s really lovely being in my head (!) 🙃

"Whilst I was happy to cover the extra day last time to help out, this was exceptional as my partner had leave booked. In the normal run of things, I don't have childcare and it is not possible to book this due to lack of availability."

@FirstnameSuesecondnamePerb that sounds perfect - thank you so much for taking the time to write out a response; I’ll definitely use this.