Workplace bully situation

[Periclymenum]

Hi all, just lost my post but will attempt to write it again! I started PT work on reception/admin in a secondary school a few weeks ago. It’s very busy and my training has been shadowing the other receptionist for a few hrs - she’s not in half of my working days. I’m not even halfway though my online induction. I’ve been fumbling through and my judgment calls haven’t been 100%, but I’d like to think I’m learning and will get there.

Boss seems okay with my performance - she’s implied once I’m a soft touch but that’s been the only criticism, at which my colleagues backed me up and said I’d acted as I should.

However one colleague clearly dislikes me and thinks I’m a bit dim/shouldn’t be working there. She was snippy with me not knowing exactly what to do from the get-go. Last week I apparently lost something of hers I didn’t know existed - it’s possible the error was mine, but it’s clear to see why it happened and why I didn’t realize there was a problem. I apologized and she said not to worry, but later on in the day made 2 comments, firstly directly using the word dumb (but in a clever oblique way that could be construed as a joke - the eye-contact and tone were vicious), then later on explained a task, got to the end and said ‘now all the info is out of the way’, if I messed up (impliedly again) then she would kill me 🤪 it wasn’t said in a remotely light or jokey way and it left me stunned.

Said task she set me was a shitshow because she didn’t email any of the people she told me she would - however I got there in the end and she’ll have nothing to moan about. Colleague could tell I was stressed in the morning, had heard about her threat to me and unbidden, reported it to my boss.

Boss came over for a chat in the evening, informally asking if I was okay, but hasn’t brought anything up. I said yes and had a general chat with her - it hasn’t really sunk in at that point. I really don’t know what to do. There were a lot if applicants for my job; one of the other interviewees already works there. Whilst my colleagues have been nice, there is a patronizing undertone and I’m a much quieter character than everyone else. Given how brazen the death-threat 🤣 was in front of the other staff, I’m concerned others actually think I’m stupid/won’t last and want me gone.

I’m on a month’s probation and my boss seems overloaded - the last thing she’ll want is a bullying claim to sort out so I’m worried she’ll just axe me over exaggerated performance issues rather than deal. I feel like I need to say something assertive to the bully e.g. ‘bear with me whilst I’m learning’, but I’m really not very assertive and it might just come out a tearful mess 🥲

I don’t need the job financially but I really wanted to do it for my own self-development. It’s also walking distance…and I can see the job itself being challenging in a fun way, I just didn’t expect personnel issues. The teachers, parents and kids are mostly lovely!

Any suggestions? I want to have a cathartic chat with my boss but not if she thinks I’m a drama queen. My fellow receptionist (who was apparently scared I/any other new starter would leave before I even started🤣) seems friendly but is BFFs with the bully, so that’s out.

If you don't need the work, I'd honestly leave because it's clear the bully isn't going away and you'll soon be dreading going in and having to deal with her. She sounds awful, probably lacks self-esteem but that isn't your problem. There's no point giving an ultimatum, you've only just joined and it probably wouldn't land well from a newcomer.

Find a job elsewhere, where you're valued and respected.

If your only other choice is to leave, then you should talk to your manager first. What have you got to lose?

Partly I don’t want to let her win! Forgot to mention that she’s fairly specialist, hard to replace, good with the kids and seems popular enough. One colleague did say she’ll dump way too much on you unless you push back, but that’s it.

Also, I don’t drive, live in a small village and don’t want to be away from my kids too much so it’s an unusual opportunity. Maybe I’ll try my boss first.

Yes, I think I might try my manager. Or I might try to readjust my relationship with the bully first, see how it goes then talk to my boss if it’s still rubbish.

Do you actually think that was a death threat? Rather than use of a common phrase that is widely understood to be non-literal?

What outcome do you want from your manager?

Swanling no, I don’t think it was an actual death-threat hence laugh face. It’s more the ‘if you muck this up’, insinuating I’m likely to or already have done when she has no real evidence.

My fears are 1) that everyone thinks I’m an incompetent fool and I’m going to be quietly fired at 1 month anyway, and 2) that even in my late 30s I still seem to be a target for people to treat like crap. I haven’t really been spoken to like that since pub work in my late teens and am not sure I can continue in that sort of work environment at this point in my life.

I’d like my manager to reassure me that everyone else is generally happy with my work and they’d like me to continue. I’d perhaps like her to say to the bully that her behavior to me was noted by another colleague and to please tone it down. Bully is a loose cannon and does say nuts emotional things generally but it’s another thing to direct it at someone specifically.

Schools are very hierarchical environments and unfortunately some unpleasant personalities can play up to that and use ‘discipline’ or ‘efficiency’ as a cover for being thoroughly unpleasant.

You either have to:

a) confront her directly
b) confuse her with niceness
c) speak to your line manager, or ideally someone in a school leadership role.

I’m inclined to think that a) is best.

Yes - I think these are the options other than quit! B would be my natural inclination but I’ll feel abused and miserable if I don’t say something. I will go with A. I’ll be back in at the end of the week and will report back.

I think I’m also going to check in with my boss and just ask if my performance is okay so far. Surely she’d hint if there were a problem rather than drop a clanger at my review. Will have to find out when that is as I’m not sure whether the month review will be pro-rata-ed given I’m PT.

You won't get sacked but equally I would expect the atmosphere to remain the same with this colleague. Think about why the other colleague reported her comments and behaviour straight away. I'd say she has form for this. What happened to the last person in your post?
You sound quite timid and easily upset. Not meant as a criticism. Think hard about how a longer term atmosphere like this might affect you.

It’s a newly created post, so not much precedent. Don’t want to give too many details but the current receptionist was basically the first staff member.

You’re not wrong and I won’t take it as an insult! I’ve been thinking the same thing, i.e. is it worth it if I essentially can’t be myself in the role. It is very part-time though and I think I’ll feel okay if the majority are happy with my performance.

I found this type of extremely helpful. They teach you power phrases and right body language to deliver it.
I'd say amend the "calling out their behavior" part (1:21-1:50 in the video), that's very assertive, maybe say something along the lines "Well you know how many people say you can judge a teacher based on the performance of their students? You know that I am new to this position and you are in the teaching position here. Do you think that personal attacks or these threats you are throwing around make you look competent and professional, pause <Ms. Bully>?"

Oops failed to post the link correctly it seems.
Anyway, you can always say something assertive while putting that sweet smile on your face for others to see and keeping your stare icy for her to know you're not up to deal with her bullsh*t.

Obviously missing the point but if you don't need the money let someone who does have the opportunity to earn. You could volunteer somewhere instead which is perhaps a better option.

Why should OP, she's not a charity.

She is just saying she isn't desperate for the money but would like to work somewhere as a valued and respected member of staff.

OP if you be kind to a bully, they take it as a sign of submission and weakness.

I would be neutral and firm.

Thanks for the video and advice ladies - I’m about to ring in to the other receptionist to check some handover stuff and will practice my best neutral assertive manner 🙃

What happened with this OP? I've got a very similar situation at work at the moment, and would love someone else's experience.

Hi! Well, she started being overly nice to me - I think she was given a telling off. She ended up trying to make me a bit of a pet and said ‘I like you even though you haven’t been here long’, ‘you’re very good and quick…’ etc etc. As it happens we won’t be working together at all next term 😅

all sorts of other little issues with the job but hopefully they will resolve over time too! Hope your situation gets better also. Horrible when it’s work you can’t escape it.