Work and self-doubt

[Nenanena]

Hi, wondered if anyone can relate to this or has any tips / podcasts / books that might help.

In my professional life I’ve come to realise that I am constantly battling self-doubt and low self-confidence. I am in a well-respected position where I am seen as an expert in my subject area. I work with nice teams including some incredibly able people. I’m part time but it’s a demanding job with high workload. Work supportive of making sure I’m not given more than my fair share but equally there’s a hugely ingrained culture in the teams I work with of giving a bit extra. I have young kids, am often tired and I feel both as though I question everything I do at work as to whether it’s good enough. I get generally good feedback - sometimes extremely positive- but feel crippled by all of the home and work demands and never feeling like I have enough time to really prepare as much as I’d like, or do more work-related wider reading in my free time etc. Colleagues with older or grown-up kids seem to have time to do all of that or just simply more energy. Grateful for any of your wisdom on offer!

You have take it easy till your kids grow up and you get more free time.
Juggling full time and home life with little ones is a big achievement.
Also, if they have children of their own, they have been there themselves. They know.

I think a lot of people can relate to this op. You're definitely not alone!

I work term time only in a school but work ft during school term time. Holidays are exhausting because I'm busy with my DCs. Work is extremely busy and I'm frequently working late in the week. It does feel like a lot to cope with! But I expect it will get easier as DCs get older. I keep floating the idea of being a sahm but apparently we need money for food and shelter which is irritating 😂

I promise you that although your older colleagues may no longer have the frenzied home life that comes with younger children, they will almost certainly have the same self doubt and esteem issues that you do, it's incredibly common (imposter syndrome etc).

It sounds as if you have a great employer there? What feedback do you get during your appraisals?

I feel exactly the same as this. Now p/t in a previously v high pressure role, am the only p/t worker in a team of approx 40, kids 2 & 4. Used to be confident in my work but the constant juggle, constant thinking about whether this is the right thing to do is draining, plus the exhaustion of young kids. Any positive feedback seems slightly begrudging as it’s a role that they prefer complete dedication to. A bit different as it sounds as if you are truly valued in your team - but I am just reminding myself of the value of keeping going in the profession, and gritting my teeth til my youngest is a bit easier and then making plans from there.

Thanks everyone, good to hear that older colleagues probably do understand and that others feel like this. I think some of this may be coming from within rather than from others- any tips about that? Wonder if this sounds like imposter syndrome?

My appraisals are good but often driven by my thoughts rather than others giving concrete, specific constructive criticism. In my field we all ‘like to be supportive’ which sometimes means I wonder what people really think!!

Yes 100%. I did soemthing then changed career because of the constant feeling of not being good enough - although I was never told that by anyone else- in fact the opposite really. I job hopped a bit and refrained but yup I’m every single job even what should be relatively low stress/ responsibility jobs have found the same. I’ll always find something to berate myself at. I’ll work extra hard, people please and seemingly to everyone else exceed expectations (or so they say- I of course don’t believe them), they’ll think I’m smashing it, give me more responsibility / complex stuff then I’ll get all stressed and imposter sets in….. so I’ve realised it’s not the jobs it’s me . 😂 and yup 20 years into working I’ve realised this. My children are older too and it is a little easier (the sleeps better, they’re at school etc) - there’s less on my npkate and husband and I seem to be more of a team than we were but yeah the imposter syndromes still there . I will be watching this thread with my beady eyes.

Steven Bartlett "Diary of a CEO" has some great podcasts about imposter syndrome.

His podcast with Richard Osman whilst it wasn't about imposter syndrome I found really touching as he struggles with alot of things you wouldn't ever imagine and it showed me everyone is battling things no matter how confident you appear from the outside.

I suffer from Imposter Syndrome and its held me back so much, I have to push myself so hard. I know its extremely common, more prevalent in women and it's something we really need to address.

For me alot of it comes from how I was brought up, won't go too deeply but I feel I have to perform above the expected level.

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=eqhUHyVpAwE&feature=youtu.be

Will take a look and have a listen - much appreciated.

@Macmeme That’s interesting what you say about being given more responsibility and complex work triggering it again. I think that it gets particularly noticeable for me when I have new stuff to get under my belt but not enough time. I’m not very good at winging it and blagging things. I like to prepare things to get nth degree but unfortunately you can’t always do that!

Amazing If are very good on this, I recommend their squiggly Careers podcast, and they have loads of resources too
https://www.amazingif.com/

O I hate winging things too. I’m realising at the grand age of 40 that basically that’s what everyone doing. I just need to learn to sit with what I’ve got and what I can do and that’s plenty good enough: I am really having to stop myself from seeking validation from others at work even though I feel like I need it.