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Bullying at work

24 replies

Crazydaisy21 · 22/04/2023 10:21

Has anyone had to leave a job due to being so badly bullied at work, and no one will do anything about it?
it’s making my life there unbearable. The thought of leaving without having anything else lined up is also extremely scary but I do have some interviews lined up and would be happy to agency/temp in the mean time.
i don’t really know what to do as I’ve never had to deal with this.
thank you

OP posts:
lasciviousoldram · 22/04/2023 10:23

No job is worth feeling like that so I would 100% leave. I presume you would have a notice period so you will have some time to look and agency work would be fine to keep you going.

choochooandspook · 22/04/2023 10:35

I would leave, but I'd make it known to management why i was leaving.

Waterdrophead · 22/04/2023 10:51

Absolutely would leave but as the PP said I would make damn sure they knew why. Is it a large organisation you work for? generally speaking you should be given an opportunity for an exit interview. On another note this toxic, bullying culture seems to be such a thing these days. Not sure why?

Quveas · 22/04/2023 11:46

On another note this toxic, bullying culture seems to be such a thing these days. Not sure why?

There are two sides to every story. I don't deny that there are some very toxic and bullying people in workplaces (and elsewhere). But there are also people who scream bullying when what is happening is normal and legitimate management - they simply don't like being pulled up for under-performance or other unacceptable behaviours. I see both in the workplace, both as a manager and as a union rep. Having done both those roles for many years it is weird - decades ago it was almost impossible to get anyone who was being bullied to complain, and nobody talked about bullying (which was wrong), but equally nobody said that any attempt to manage them was bullying. Now it seems that there is an increase in bullying reports (which is great) but a corresponding increase in claims of bullying that are simply not bullying at all.

I suspect that this is "bad back syndrome" - people legitimately may have bad backs, but because bad backs are hard to evidence, everyone wanting to get out of XYZ claimed to have a bad back. Within no time, nobody was believed if they had a bad back and "bad backs" became a joke. The same thing is beginning to happen with bullying, and it does concern me because it diminishes the real toxic situations by the number of false claims. And honestly, I see many more "false" claims than I do real ones. For example, literally almost every single person being pulled up on a disciplinary suddenly discovers that they were being bullied. Being put on a PIP - it's definitely because you are being bullied and has nothing to do with your performance.

That said @Crazydaisy21, have you made a formal complaint about the bullying? It's hard to know what "no-one will do anything about it" means if you don't explain what is happening and what you have done about it. If you are that miserable that you cannot see any other option than to leave, and if you can't or won't fight it, then I would honestly say that if you are in a position to temp, hand in your notice and go off sick. I don't generally suggest that people throw a sickie, but if you are intent on leaving and nothing would change you mind, then it's not worth the hassle of working out your notice. Put "occupational stress due to bullying" on your self-certification, and if you need a fit note after that, speak to your GP about this and get them to write the same thing are something similar.

Crazydaisy21 · 23/04/2023 10:24

Yeah it is large.. not massively but large enough. I really don’t know why either. What’s more upsetting is, thag it isn’t being took seriously so I feel hopeless and like I’ve been left with no other option.

OP posts:
gokartdillydilly · 23/04/2023 10:36

Hi @Crazydaisy21
So sorry you're going through this. I too have experienced toxic and bullying behaviour in the workplace, and it is truly horrible!

Before giving advice, it's important to know how long you have worked there, and what your contract says about notice.

Quveas · 23/04/2023 12:00

Crazydaisy21 · 23/04/2023 10:24

Yeah it is large.. not massively but large enough. I really don’t know why either. What’s more upsetting is, thag it isn’t being took seriously so I feel hopeless and like I’ve been left with no other option.

But what have you done about it? Have you submitted a formal grievance? It's really impossible to say whether it is being taken seriously if you don't tell us what has happened.

Crazydaisy21 · 24/04/2023 16:53

In all my working years I have never ever felt the need to report someone for bullying until this. I’ve been treat bad before but never this bad.

OP posts:
Fandabedodgy · 24/04/2023 17:04

Please call ACAS and get some advice.

If you've been there 2 years or more and follow the proper procedures then you could be in a position to sue for constructive dismissal via a tribunal.

ACAS is free.

Crazydaisy21 · 24/04/2023 20:06

That’s interesting, thank you! Im just shy of two years though so not sure if I can :(

OP posts:
NewbiePoster · 25/04/2023 08:26

Crazydaisy21 · 24/04/2023 20:06

That’s interesting, thank you! Im just shy of two years though so not sure if I can :(

If you’re just shy of 2 years please, please, please try and make it to 2 years and one day then submit a grievance. I had to leave my last role with nothing lined up but I was along way from the 2 years mark. What happened was soul destroying and my mental health is still recovering but if I was that close to the magic 2 years, I’d have grit my teeth and then raised a grievance. I do understand if you feel you can’t do this though and your health, both physical and mental, must be paramount in your decision making. I’ve actually left a job with nothing lined up twice. Once pre-pandemic and a month to the day I resigned, I was starting a new role. This second time was last year and it took me four months to get another role, however, I did have quite a few interviews but I feel my shot to pieces mental health played a factor in the length of time it took to secure my current role, which, is going swimmingly. Good luck, OP.

Crazydaisy21 · 25/04/2023 08:28

Thank you so much for your advice. It’s not nice to know you went through the same but what you described is exactly how I am feeling. It’s horrible. I may just have to leave as my mental health can not take it anymore.

OP posts:
BartsLongLostBro · 25/04/2023 12:39

What is happening OP?

Poor you.

I hope you get a new job soon.

Can you hang on for 2 years based on what thr previous poster noted?

Do you have anyone you confide in at work.

Begin to document times and places of episodes of bullying behaviour. Just simple and factual.

mumonthehill · 25/04/2023 12:56

Yes i did leave due to bullying, as did the whole team I worked with in the end. We raised it as a group but nothing helped. I wish I had spoken to ACAS, as we went along with things that we should have said no to. The bully is still in his role. I waited until I got another job but is was awful. Now in a job I love so in the end it led me to where I am now. I will never let myself go through it again though. No job is worth it, so put yourself first.

Aintnosupermum · 25/04/2023 13:18

I work in the US in a leadership role. Workplace bullying is an issue with people returning to the office. I’ve terminated 2 people for it in the past year and I’m dealing with peers who are bullying me.

With the closure of schools a lot of women left the workplace and this has changed the culture in a lot of workplaces. Micro aggressions against women and minorities are an issue. I’m not one to tolerate this. What I’ve done is kept a diary to document incidents.

My recommendation is that if your manager hasn’t already picked up on the bullying you should look for another job elsewhere and leave. I saw what was happening and nipped it in the bud. My reports didn’t need to come to me. I’m no superstar manager, I’m just doing my job and maintaining a professional workplace.

Im in a senior enough role that I can withstand the bullying. People in the company have just woken up to what is going on and the c suite realize I’m not the problem. It helps the main person bullying me has missed a major gap in procedures which I tried to address but was told I was wrong. 9 months later everyone realizes I was right. The other people bullying me have piled on, which while embarrassing is recoverable if the main bully is dismissed.

NewbiePoster · 25/04/2023 18:50

You’re very welcome @Crazydaisy21 and thank you for sympathising with me. It really does make you question your sanity and worth. You must do what is right for you. If you feel up to it, once you’ve made a decision, and you’re feeling better, please let us know how you got on. I’ll be thinking of you. Big hugs.

Crazydaisy21 · 25/04/2023 22:10

Thank you @NewbiePoster for your kind words. It really means a lot. I’ve never felt a feeling like it. It’s effected every aspect of my life. Hopefully things will start to look a bit brighter soon. I will be sure to update you :) big hugs back, your message has really brightened me up which is difficult at the minute xxx

OP posts:
Crazydaisy21 · 25/04/2023 22:15

@BartsLongLostBro I really don’t think I can hang on if I’m honest, it’s that bad. I have started to document it though. And I won’t go quietly.
its having a major effect on my life though. I suppose you think about how you would react, until in the situation you just never know. Which is why I’m struggling so bad, I’m normally the one to give out the advice!

OP posts:
Orangebadger · 25/04/2023 22:44

I left a job about 20 years ago due to bullying from a very senior manager. Very much directed at me on many levels. Made my life hell. She tried very very hard to undermine me and make me loose my confidence, she didn't. I did report her and with union involvement I placed a grievance. But tbh it had gone on for too long for me to stay. So I left as my sanity was not worth it. I could have taken it further as my case was concrete with witnesses but I had no energy left. Just working day to day with that looming over you is exhausting!
I hope you manage to find something else. What is your work place policy for bullying and harassment?

BartsLongLostBro · 26/04/2023 07:34

I would apply for sick leave for a couple of weeks if it's affecting your life and MH that much.

The longer you stay, the deeper the effect and the longer the time it will take you to recover.

No health or job is worth it.

Why isn't it being taken seriously or acknowledged? What horrible people.

Howdoichangeanamehere · 07/11/2023 04:17

Did things improve for you eventually OP? Did you leave?

Crazydaisy21 · 07/11/2023 07:21

Hi @Howdoichangeanamehere thank you for remembering my situation Unfortunately things did not change after numerous convos with HR. No one was interested in the slightest, and it just got worse and worse. I stuck it out until a job I was interested in came up, I did leave and I am now settled in a job which I absolutely love and have never been happier :-) I have an amazing team and management and they are aware of what went on and I know that it would never be aloud to happen where I currently work

OP posts:
Howdoichangeanamehere · 07/11/2023 07:27

Wow @Crazydaisy21 this is amazing! I'm glad it all worked out for you

rabbitcarrot · 07/11/2023 15:06

I would leave..Well I did this by the end of June this year. It affect my mental & physical health a lot. Even in my new job, I am so scared to deal with new colleagues, worried someone will bully me like previous job.
Life is so short, not worth hanging on in a toxic working environment.

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