Managing anger

[Darker]

My workplace is going through a bit of turbulence at the moment and we are also very short staffed. Morale is rock bottom. I’ve become exhausted and stressed by the situation…

I’m trying my best but I’ve recently let myself down by expressing my frustration and anger more than is wise. As a human being I’m cool with the straight talking but as an employee I haven’t done myself any favours.

Any advice for dealing with this? How do you manage feelings of anger at work?

No answers Darker but understand exactly where you are coming from 😉

The classic deep breath before you speak can be all you need to moderate your response.

@Darker two suggestions.
Write a journal and get all your frustrations out of your head and onto the page.

Find a trusted colleague, ideally at the same level as you. Agree that when you need to let your frustration out you will signal each other and go somewhere private and rant at the wall whilst they nod and you will do the same for them. .

First off, you are a human being. Expressing a bit of frustration and showing some emotion at work isn't necessarily always a bad thing, so don't dwell on the incident itself for too long. It was just one moment.

I had an "angry" moment myself today, in response to being ganged up on at work and blindsided. I took many deep breaths as their rant continued and I simply waited until they finished. I paused, another deep breath and then replied very factually. I kept it brief and to the point. They accepted it and we moved on. I shut it down.

The meeting finished and of course I was still peeved. I spoke to a friend to vent for 5mins and then took myself out for a walk for half hour. It just helps to physically remove yourself from the situation (or the laptop) for a bit.

Unfortunately it’s been more than once. I know I’m coming over far too strong.

I acknowledge I’m in the wrong in losing my shit.

I don’t want to go into the reasons for my frustrations. However for context I know I’m not the only one feeling this way but I don’t really have anyone to talk to at work because I work remotely and I’m relatively new, and everyone else in my team has left (!). HR are useless. I’ve already tried to speak to them and it just made it 5x worse.

I’m considering asking for a 1:1 with the person I’ve lost my temper with, to apologise. But I need to find way to ‘earth’ the strong emotions before doing that.

I think the 121 to apologize is not a good idea, apologize in writing but potentially if they trigger another angry response in a telephone call you will be in a worse situation and could be seen to be unreasonably aggressive.

Do you normally get angry? And what is triggering your behaviour? Is your anger justified?

That’s my worry too. I could easily lose my shit again. Previously the person has apologised to me for mishandling a situation but has done exactly the same thing again.

Am I normally angry? I’m quite passionate about things (politics etc). With work I do have previous… last time I felt like this (in another job) I had a big row with my boss but they were really good and we sorted it out. We are still friends!

I tend to see anger as a healthy emotion that drives change. I do realise that this isn’t how it works in an employment situation.

The difference between this situation and your last is your previous manager listened to your concerns and responded accordingly.

Your current manager hasn't taken on board your dissatisfaction and repeated the event that caused previous harm.

I would be concerned that this manager could use this behaviour against you, I would therefore do everything asked, stick to the rules and keep all conversation via email. I would add that your initial concern should also be documented and perhaps this could be covered within your email of apology showing that you are able to acknowledge and reflect on the repercussions and giving them the opportunity to look at their part in the disagreement.

Well… I have been ‘summoned’ to a meeting. HR will be there, but apparently it’s not disciplinary…

I do feel calmer now and hope that this meeting is productive. My main issue is being excluded from discussions (and then left to deal with what I perceive to be bad decisions) so I have set my intention to show I am a useful person to have in the room.

I am also prepared to walk away (as all of the colleagues in my team have!).

But I know I’m susceptible… Any last-minute tips to quell the beast welcome…

And thank you Landlubber2019. Very helpful.

I have made some notes in preparation for the meeting outlining the situation and some suggestions.

How did it go? I’ve definitely reacted similarly so all the empathy!

Well… I phoned HR in advance and apologised to her for losing my shit last week. She was great. Really lovely about it. And it turned everything around.

The meeting was ok… The person who is really the problem (in my view) didn’t listen and wasted most of the time just rambling on. I said what I had to say. I was ignored. I have witnesses that I tried.