What do I do? Leave or try to fix things

[Tedsmum2017]

Hi guys,

this might be a long one so grab a cuppa and get comfy!

I started a new job 8 months ago, the lady I joined started a month before me. We got on like a house on fire until this week.

we also had another lady join us in February and we’re an amazing team and work so so well together!

So since I started the lady who started before me (we’ll call her A) was getting paid more than me even though we do the exact same job.

A got trained more on the role than i have even though I’ve asked numerous times since October (I started in September) I’ve just been palmed off to you’ll get it soon.
Come February another lady joined us who’s lovely we’ll call her W.

We’ve been getting on amazingly well and working as a fantastic team. In March we got a new system and was emailed about being a super user for an extra £2k, I was applying for it but was getting more information, by the time I got the information S had got the role and I was shoved to one side.

I need to add that S and our manager are very close and S goes off to speak with her several times a day (we see our manager once a month if that) we’ll call her T.

This is where everything goes tits up.
On Thursday we went for a team catch up with our manager and another team from another office who do the same job as us.

So T is sat there going on with herself as most managers do in teams meetings she then says that S is going to start working in the other area 4 days a week to see if she can get them to work as a team like we do in our area.
S isn’t a manager she’s the same level as everyone else apart from T.

T and S had a meeting for 2 hours the day before over teams and obviously made this plan together but not including myself and the rest of the team we only found out in our team meeting.

So I told S I was upset with her that she hadn’t told me about this change before the meeting and let me go in blind. She said she was sworn to secrecy so couldn’t tell me, I said you could’ve told me there was changes but everything’s ok. She just carried on with herself that it was a secret.

So I was quiet with her for the rest of the day as I just didn’t have the words for her.

I came in on Friday I was earlier than S which is unusual as she starts earlier than me. I jumped on the computer and was just reading my emails, there was a couple from T one said basically S not being in our office is my time to shine blah blah blah.

Then another saying the overtime I’ve worked for the last 2 weeks is being rejected as it wasn’t pre agreed. Even though I’d been doing the same overtime every day since I started 8 months ago!! There was no communication to say I couldn’t do overtime, but I have it written that I can do overtime any time for any area!!!

S finally gets in I just stay quiet because I’m fuming about my overtime. She goes and makes a drink and comes back slamming around and was saying very loudly “Is this how it’s going to be for the rest of the day” so I tell her she’s my colleague and not my friend so I’ll treat her like that!
she carries on slamming around and disappears again comes back and says “I want a word with you for 2 mins” I refused and said I was busy, so she says “I want you in that room now for 2 mins” so I get up and go in.

she’s shouting at me that it was a secret and couldn’t tell me and loads of other stuff and she asks me what the problem is.
So I tell her I’m sick of playing second fiddle to her that she always gets any extra role going and I’m overlooked (which is how I feel)
she said I’m just paranoid and it’s just me, even though I was looking at starting a course and T just paid no attention to me about it!

She storms off and so I ignore her for the rest of the day.
S is on holiday this week so I’m not going to see her, T is on about coming to the office.

I don’t feel like mine and S’s friendship will ever recover from this, part of me feels like I should start looking for a new job.

W is back in this week as she’s been off this last week.

Is it me? What do I do? What would you do? I’m so upset and frustrated with it all.

thanks if you made it this far! 😊

Who are S and T? Sorry, I am finding your op really hard to understand.

Is S another colleague who was already there when you started and is T the manager?

And what have A and W got to do with anything?

Also confused with S, T, A, W - but if you are unhappy at work and feel you are not being treated fairly, not getting paid for OT that you've worked etc. then it's always an option to look for something else.

You sound incredibly immature. Giving the silent treatment at work is pathetic.

So I think S and A are the same person. Otherwise there was no point A being in the story, and there really was no point in W being in the story anyway.

Short version: another member of staff is repeatedly the beneficiary of favouritism by the manager and, after weaseling some extra cash for a role in the current team, has now been promoted to manager of a separate team. She's now giving herself airs and graces and ordering OP around. Meanwhile, the manager has refused overtime despite the OP working those same extra hours ever since September of last year.

The work place sounds awful, although your immediate job will presumably be better with A (aka S) now out of the way four days a week. Assuming this is early in your career, I'd try to stick it out until you've done a year but no more than that. They aren't good employers and you should be looking to move on.

You've posted in the Work section rather than Relationships, so I'm assuming it is about work that you're looking for advice.

So because you weren't involved in a professional conversation between your colleague & your boss, you've fallen out with colleague for abiding to confidentiality rules? Maybe consider how you handle situations in a corporate environment, and then wonder why you're overlooked for further responsibility.

I get paid more than someone else doing the same job because when I applied I stated what I wanted. I obviously shone at interview as they offered what I asked for which was more than the starting salary.

Also salary should never be discussed along with promotions until it's confirmed.

YABU she was asked not to mention anything and she didn’t

why do you think you had a right to know before it was announced?

Sorry S is A I forgot half way through my post what I named her and I’m not able to edit my original post.

Because she was my friend, instead she sat there letting me go in totally blind. It’s a sly trick

You went in 'totally blind' on an issue that doesn't actually concern you? So what? She was asked not to say anything because hinting about 'changes are afoot' is what gets the rumour mill turning faster than anything else, suddenly everyone's convinced that there's some massive shake-up coming when in fact all it is is one person moving into another team.

So what? Why do you think you're entitled to hear about things that don't concern you before your manager let's everyone know?

Friendships at work need professional boundaries.

You also can’t really whinge about things not being fair. I can’t follow your post (perhaps poor communication is why you’re not being prioritised for progress?), but it’s totally fine for people who joined at the same time as you to be paid more or given other opportunities.

You can fix this but you first need to accept that your response to give the silent treatment and sulk wasn't professional.

You need to speak with your manager about how you are feeling overlooked and would like the opportunity to progress. You need to agree a plan with your manager about how you will do this. You also need to clarify the overtime arrangements rather than assuming that it will be the way you think and then being disappointed.

so I tell her she’s my colleague and not my friend so I’ll treat her like that!

so I ignore her for the rest of the day.

Those two statements are incompatible. Your behaviour was unprofessional.

Ignoring people is what primary school children do. It's not professional behaviour and not how you should be treating colleagues - regardless of friendship status.

It's fairly predictable that someone would get frustrated if a colleague was behaving like a 6 year old.

She was not your friend. She was never your friend. She was "friendly" which is entirely different. You are being an entitled brat and acting like a child. Your behaviour is entirely unprofessional, and as a manager (a) it tells me that you are currently not fit to be promoted or given responsibilities in the team and (b) if you carry on acting in this manner I need to consider seriously whether I wish to continue your employment. Your behaviour is disruptive, childish, and unsuitable for a working environment.

There is no point in flouncing out of this job without doing some self reflection and resolving to be more professional in the future. Your manager is entitled to speak to other colleagues without you and if your colleague is told to keep something confidential because the manager wishes to announce it, then so be it.

Your behaviours was completely unprofessional and I would say juvenile. You have not been there very long, I would be keeping a close eye on you after this embarrassing (from you) performance.