Resigning officially today - handhold request

[Sweetladyjane]

So as the title said I’m resigning today. I took on the finance role at my church and it’s turned out to be much bigger job than I thought (I also work part time for a charity attached to the church so it was billed as slotting in with that). I’m completely lost with the job and feel like everything has been dumped on me with no enough training so I’m making mistakes and getting in worse and worse pickles.

They’ve also not honoured the salary that I was thought was agreed and reduced my hours with the expectation that any extra hours I do will be given in love and can’t be taken back later.

I also struggle with my mental health and have bipolar and the stress of this role has triggered a flare so I’ve been signed off by the GP and referred back to mental health team which feels like a massive step backwards (I was under them for 5 years on and off and was really happy when I was discharged).

I emailed my pastor yesterday to request a meeting and she called me and asked outright if I was going to resign and I confirmed I was. We have a meeting this morning to discuss moving forward and I know they are going to put pressure on me to stay until they find someone else which could be a long process.

My position is that I want to work my contractual notice (1 week as I’m still in the probationary period) and then volunteer to do the bits I can do to enable them to do things like open the cafe but not anymore than that. I am I being unreasonable?

You are not being unreasonable. They have considerably moved the goalposts and I don't blame you for resigning. Stick to your guns and put yourself first. Life's stressful enough x you'll be fine x

Resigning from a job that’s been affecting your mental health is the best feeling. It sounds strange, but enjoy it!

I hope you’ll feel like a weight has been lifted and look forward to whatever comes next. Best of luck. 💐

Here for you 💐 🙏

Goodness that sounds awful! They've promised you something, not Given it and taken the piss basically, to the point where you're now needing MH support, so they've Made you worse than before the job.
Personally I'd tell the pastor straight!

Not at all unreasonable.

Write your resignation and give it to the pastor at the start of your meeting. Keep it simple.

Don't get drawn into discussions about it, if they put pressure on or try to guilt you into staying, just keep saying the same response, something like 'I will work my week's notice so my final day is x date'.

I wouldn't volunteer either. You'll end up doing loads and still feeling stressed and responsible for what happens. Your health has been damaged. You really have to focus on your recovery.

Agree - give them a week and put yourself first.

Make it a clean break and don’t do the extra bits after resigning. You’ll just get drawn in again. It’s their problem to solve, not yours, especially as they’ve let you down. Good luck.

I understand that you want to soften the blow by offering to do some stuff on a voluntary basis after resigning, but honestly, don't commit to anything at present. You don't owe them anything and it isn't your problem to solve.

Focus on your own mental health and wellbeing. It's OK to put yourself first sometimes - actually, sometimes it is necessary.

Oh, and the fact that it's a church or that it's connected to a charity etc makes no difference. If they want volunteers, they should recruit volunteers. If they want paid staff, they need to treat them as such and not take the piss.

Don't offer to volunteer, you know they aren't being fair to you.

Just because it's a church doesn't mean people are great employers sadly.

If you are a member of this church, I would be inclined to have the meeting with the pastor and say as you know I need to resign from the paid role with 1 weeks notice. Now what can you do as my pastor to support me with my personal struggles?

In other words rather than go into the meeting with the mindset that you need to help them solve their problems you are going in with the perfectly legitimate expectation that they need to be the ones helping you with yours. Just reframe everyone’s perspective on this from the get go

Don’t let anyone use you and be strong and Leave

Good advice in my opinion!
I hope you achieve what you need to today.

Totally agree that you shouldn't get drawn into a discussion. From what you've said, they've reneged on agreements made so can you really trust them not to do the same again. Clean break is the way to go.

Totally agree, have the resignation letter with your proposed end date written before you go to the meeting, this will signal to the pastor that you can't be pressured into not resigning.

I also agree that you shouldn't offer to do anything for free, they've taken advantage of you already. They can call on volunteers from the entire congregation, it's not like you're the only one available. You need to prioritise your mental health and they have a particular duty of care to you as both your employer and your church.

Good luck for today and I hope you are soon feeling much better.

I agree with PPs you should treat this as strictly a work matter and offer to work your notice only. If you worked in, say, a retail shop, you wouldn’t offer to come and open up for free after you’ve left would you?
Give your health time to recover before volunteering again.

I'm with the previous poster, do not accept that he will do any voluntary work otherwise they will have you doing the whole job for free. Give yourself several months away from them before making any decision like that.

Nope you are not being unreasonable. Can I just say as well it's amazing that you've recognised this isn't doing your MH any good and are bring proactive about leaving ie removing yourself from this job to help yourself get better. That's a big and positive step and you should be proud of yourself.

Thank you everyone. The meeting was hard and they tried to get me to stay but I held firm. In the end I agreed to a months notice as long as I had support from the finance trustee to get the work done. The finance trustee was really nice and I think will release me before the month is up.

I feel like a weight has been lifted.

That's fantastic, sounds like a good result. Onwards and upwards to better things.

Well done @Sweetladyjane - I hope everything works out well. Don't let them twist your arm along the way though

That's a good result.

Well done @Sweetladyjane. Do ensure you watch that they don't renege on this arrangement in case they have problems getting your replacement and appeal to your kindness.

Remember this ⬇️ if they try and persuade you against your better judgement.

They’ve also not honoured the salary that I was thought was agreed and reduced my hours with the expectation that any extra hours I do will be given in love and can’t be taken back later.

Take care of you. 🌹