Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Feeling so down and low about work situation

41 replies

Winterworld · 10/04/2023 16:25

Can anyone offer any advice I'm really stuck at the bottom of a dark hole with work In the last two years I've changed jobs twice and each job has been more terrible.Terrible work culture, unpleasant people and pressurised work.This is all in the health service and I feel ill.I keep having dark thoughts wanting things to happen so I don't have to face these work environments any more.I am usually speaking pleasant,cheery disposition and positive but the work and cultures are just dragging me down.I keep being told all work places are like it but I just want happiness. Pleasant people to work with not these pressurised time bombs where I feel at any given moment I will lose my job.Help.

OP posts:
wishthiswasreallife · 10/04/2023 16:46

I worked in the nhs and lasted around 3 months. The people I worked with were horrible horrible people, I left crying every day, woke up crying dreading work it was the worst time of my life. They were horrible nasty cliquey people who Ignored me and said horrible things about me to each other and then when I left they said even worse. I looked for another job and got out of there asap! Life's to short to go through that every day and your mental heath is too precious xx

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 10/04/2023 16:50

That’s the nhs for you.

You’re best off leaving.

Notanothernewname · 10/04/2023 17:46

I worked in H.E., and it was like that. Left last year after having much the same kind of thoughts (wishing I crashed my car so I wouldn't have to go in).

New company is so different. Everyone is so nice. I don't dread work and I smile driving in. Life's tok short to be unhappy.

Original poster
Winterworld · 10/04/2023 21:14

Just awful.Absolutely awful.I have no idea what to do next but surely all teams and departments in this organisation operate the same.How do they get away with it?

OP posts:
FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 10/04/2023 21:24

Fuck knows. My pg relative was treated so badly even HR told her to complain but she’s having a lot of discomfort and hasn’t got the energy.

The public think the Met police is bad but they haven’t got a clue about the NHs.

Begonias · 10/04/2023 21:54

I agree, the NHS has a toxic bullying culture for me it was my line manager. I emailed HR several times about the bullying and never got a reply yet when I emailed them about the notice period they replied within 2 hrs!
I complained to the band 8 and was made to feel like I was the issue. So I left after 20 bloody years in the department.
Nothing gets done about bullying in the NHS other then the bully getting promoted. It's a horrible situation to be in.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 10/04/2023 22:06

I have a meeting with HR in 10 days. Horrible toxic bullying culture in NHS. I'm off sick and don't want to go back ever. You have my sympathy.

Not all places are as bad as this. Hopefully we'll both find something better.

Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 06:11

Begonias · 10/04/2023 21:54

I agree, the NHS has a toxic bullying culture for me it was my line manager. I emailed HR several times about the bullying and never got a reply yet when I emailed them about the notice period they replied within 2 hrs!
I complained to the band 8 and was made to feel like I was the issue. So I left after 20 bloody years in the department.
Nothing gets done about bullying in the NHS other then the bully getting promoted. It's a horrible situation to be in.

Absolutely terrible.Really sorry you were put in a position where you had to leave after giving 20 years of service.Where did you move to?

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 06:13

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 10/04/2023 22:06

I have a meeting with HR in 10 days. Horrible toxic bullying culture in NHS. I'm off sick and don't want to go back ever. You have my sympathy.

Not all places are as bad as this. Hopefully we'll both find something better.

Goodness.If you can please let us know how it goes and look after yourself.If you do find anywhere or an organisation that isn't so bad be sure to let me know.Im so scared of moving in the fear I am somewhere just as bad!

OP posts:
Orangetapemeasure · 11/04/2023 06:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

PotKettel · 11/04/2023 06:27

This sounds awful OP. Where I work there is huge pressure in a small team, and we have an AMAZING team culture of support because of that. We stand or fall together. If you cannot leave, can you form small bands of like-minded people? There is solace in good colleagues even if management are s**t. Hi

Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 07:57

This reply has been deleted

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

That doesn't surprise me in the slightest that you're the one off work.So sorry to read this I truly am.I think the organisation needs people like you, me and anyone else who stands up for themselves.

That's good that your friend is much happier.To be honest depending on banding there isn't a great pay difference between the lower band roles to NMW.I suppose the only difference being pension, leave, sickness etc. but if the suffering is that severe is it really worth it.No wonder they can't keep staff.Really hope some high level NHS manager is reading all these posts.Seems too common.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 07:59

PotKettel · 11/04/2023 06:27

This sounds awful OP. Where I work there is huge pressure in a small team, and we have an AMAZING team culture of support because of that. We stand or fall together. If you cannot leave, can you form small bands of like-minded people? There is solace in good colleagues even if management are s**t. Hi

You're right.I think that's the only way to get through it is to form small bands of like minded individuals.I guess you have to get a band of like minded individuals to make it work which unfortunately doesn't always happen.Maybe moving around till you get to such a department where you can form those small bands is worthwhile.Depends on what state mentally you are when you get there.I agree it's a good idea though

OP posts:
Soccermumamir · 11/04/2023 08:15

I work in FE at the moment and also feel like this. Been in my job for nearly 4 years now and although I work with some lovely people, the politics of it all is stressing me out. Not enough funding, people leaving left, right and centre and others on long term sick. It all has an impact on everyone else. Due back next Monday and I'm already feeling anxious about it all 😔

Cakeandslippers · 11/04/2023 08:21

So sorry you are feeling this way, I've been there too. I had 3 jobs in a row like this in the NHS and i even began to wonder whether it was me having too high expectations. It wasn't me of course. It can be awful. I'm now in another NHS team and I love it. Good ones do exist though they are hard to find. I was very picky this time around and took a role a band lower than I wanted on the basis it was a foot in the door to a good team. I don't regret it for a second.

My only advice is look around, ring up recruiting managers and ask lots of questions. I hope you find something better, it's unacceptable that so many people feel this way and I'm sorry you're going through it.

Begonias · 11/04/2023 11:12

I've now moved to a different trust and work in the community. I moved down a band but progression isn't based on who is friends with the manager as it was in my previous job .
In this new team I've been offered funding for a MSc and asked to look at other courses I want to enroll in. I can go to management anytime as there's an open door policy, I can work from home 2 days/week and I don't have to barter/justify why I need a day off. What won it for me was they actually looked into how they could accommodate my disability. I absolutely love my new role even with a Massive pay cut, my mental health is sooo much better.

IdisagreeMrHochhauser · 11/04/2023 12:31

That sounds amazing @Begonias. I've applied for a job two bands down but nervous about it as it's the same department where I am currently management and promotion and being treated well is entirely dependent on being in a clique with the boss. She invited herself to my house on my annual leave in the pandemic and it's all gone downhill since then. I was horrified and not flattered as she expected.

WhatWouldHopperDo · 11/04/2023 13:18

Can I ask if all the people who
have experienced this are in a clinical setting?

I am non patient facing, non clinical and minimal clinicians in our organisation (commissioning). I’ve never experienced it or seen it. Is it a clinical thing? It sounds awful and I’m sorry for people who have been/are going through this.

Not only is it horrible for them but we can Ill afford to be losing good people from the NHS.

Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 15:26

WhatWouldHopperDo · 11/04/2023 13:18

Can I ask if all the people who
have experienced this are in a clinical setting?

I am non patient facing, non clinical and minimal clinicians in our organisation (commissioning). I’ve never experienced it or seen it. Is it a clinical thing? It sounds awful and I’m sorry for people who have been/are going through this.

Not only is it horrible for them but we can Ill afford to be losing good people from the NHS.

I am in administration but have previously worked in the nursing field. I personally never experienced bullying as such then.This is just awful.

OP posts:
Original poster
Winterworld · 11/04/2023 15:28

Cakeandslippers · 11/04/2023 08:21

So sorry you are feeling this way, I've been there too. I had 3 jobs in a row like this in the NHS and i even began to wonder whether it was me having too high expectations. It wasn't me of course. It can be awful. I'm now in another NHS team and I love it. Good ones do exist though they are hard to find. I was very picky this time around and took a role a band lower than I wanted on the basis it was a foot in the door to a good team. I don't regret it for a second.

My only advice is look around, ring up recruiting managers and ask lots of questions. I hope you find something better, it's unacceptable that so many people feel this way and I'm sorry you're going through it.

Thank you.I have to say this time round and the time before I spoke with the departmental manager, visited the venue, asked lots of questions at interview and after but still experiencing this.I think this is a case of you never know till you're actually there.That said I think it is very wise to do the above.

OP posts:
Stichintime · 11/04/2023 15:33

I became ill after 4 years in public service position. It seemed so important at the time to keep going; it was my career. After collapsing at work and leaving in an ambulance I became self employed and have a new career, little stress, more money and a home/work balance.

Looking back I was literally falling apart.

FormerlyPathologicallyHappy · 11/04/2023 16:18

WhatWouldHopperDo · 11/04/2023 13:18

Can I ask if all the people who
have experienced this are in a clinical setting?

I am non patient facing, non clinical and minimal clinicians in our organisation (commissioning). I’ve never experienced it or seen it. Is it a clinical thing? It sounds awful and I’m sorry for people who have been/are going through this.

Not only is it horrible for them but we can Ill afford to be losing good people from the NHS.

I was clinical. The women in their 50’s when I was young and attractive were the very worst, nearly destroyed all my confidence and I was newly qualified at this point.

obviouslynamechanged1 · 11/04/2023 18:01

I recognise so much of what's been said here from my own organisation. Not NHS or clinical setting but we do represent a specific group in the NHS. I think perhaps organisations that are very hierarchical have similar toxic cultures. I know of a former colleague who was diagnosed with PTSD specifically in relation to their experience in our workplace.

RebeccaWho · 11/04/2023 20:21

I worked for the NHS years ago and left after 4 months. The team were unfriendly, unhelpful, cliquey and I know they were talking about me behind my back.

Ive since had a couple of other jobs since then and have to say they were not much better. It’s so difficult to change jobs as it is, without the constant worry if you will like it, fit in, they like you, etc.

I know my mental health has been affected by what I’ve gone through, just dreadful it is.

winterchills · 11/04/2023 20:52

I agree with the person who said that the bullies in the NHS get promoted! Its absolutely disgusting and it happens all the time!