I’m terrible at my job

[Everydayandeverynight]

Hello,

I got promoted about 2 years ago to a job I thought I would love. It was a massive pay increase for me as I’ve always worked in low paid jobs; to be clear it’s not particularly well paid - it’s average, but more than I ever thought I would earn.

induction and training was crap so I had to learn a lot on my feet. I still don’t feel like I know what I’m doing 80% of the time. I do really struggle with self esteem and anxiety so I’m sure some of this is linked to my belief in myself but I’ve got to the point where I’m dreading going into work every day, and I’m wondering when I’m going to be found out to be the massive fraud that I am. I would love to go back to a lower paid admin type job that I know is below my capabilities but one that I can overperform in. The issue is I’m trying to pay down some debt I have, and I won’t be able to do that on the salary I was previously on and with the cost of living increases alot of my extra wage is eaten up already.
to be clear, I’ve had performance reviews etc and no issues have been flagged, however my manager doesn’t know that I’m probably not performing as best as I should / could be, but I think the people I work closely with probably know I’m rubbish and I’m worried I’ll get found out.

has anyone ever felt like this, what did you do? Did you overcome it, just learn to live with the fact you’re shit?

Well, you're obviously not terrible at your job if you've had performance reviews and nothing's been flagged up! You're being very harsh on yourself. Do some research on imposter syndrome!

You dont need to out perform

You just need to do each element of your job adequately

Make a list of each part of your job that you feel you do badly

Is there any way of taking each part and concentratedly working on it so you improve?

Just to add, I don’t think it’s imposter syndrome- I think I genuinely am not good at this job probably because I lack confidence. It’s not something I am educated in, I kind of fell into it.

Sorry just seen your replies after I posted mine. I’ve flagged my concerns to my manager and was told that it was just me not believing in myself, but she doesn’t see my work or my interactions with others in the job (big part of the role). @Ladybug14 tbats a good way of thinking about it, in that I don’t need to overperform, just be good enough. @Twillow i really don’t think it’s imposter syndrome.

Imposter syndrome is awful OP- I can relate! Like you I have all the same feelings ("it's too big!") and feel like I'm going to get found out. But I've had great reviews a promotion and have just been handed a huge project with huge impact on the company because the top dogs think I'm the best person to get it done (spent a week a nervous wreck after being handed that one!). But I'm trying to ignore the negative inner voice, and so should you!

@TeaCosyApplePie thank you for your reply and congratulations. How do you ignore that inner voice, overcome it? Has anything worked for you, or are you just in a perpetual cycle of feeling on the edge of being found out? 🤣

Absolutely. There is no point out performing. You aren't paid to OUT perform

Do each part of your job as well as you can.

If you feel you are UNDER performing write down exactly how you feel you are under performing and work out what you need to do to get from under performing to performing adequately

If that requires training - ask for specific training

I think some of this 'under performing ' is down to anxiety and is almost certainly nowhere near as bad as your anxiety is telling you

I really sympathise. I feel like this too. I've had some massive promotions and am now way above where I ever thought I'd be and the constant weight of just not feeling good enough is staggering. It doesn't help that some of the others I work with are awesome.

Is it a role where it's ok for you to delegate / lean more on others? And can you do online training or watch tutorials etc in your spare time? I find the more I can learn, the more confident I feel but there just aren't the hours in the day for the amount I really need to learn!

@Everydayandeverynight thank you! It's a constant struggle combined with a regular dose of self talk. I have to tell myself off for being so hard on myself and also to remember that no one is perfect. Look around you at work and you'll see everyone does something silly or wrong on a regular basis, even the senior team! I also have to look at it and think I'm here, I'm in the role, I might as well push on. Plus going back wouldn't in reality be any easier as I used to have the same thoughts even in admin type roles! You can do this - don't let the negative demon on your shoulder pull you down!

I think you do have imposter syndrome (otherwise you wouldn't have been offered the promotion or your performance reviews wouldn't have gone well).

I can massively relate to this. I spent the first 2 years in a new role feeling like I was making it up as I was going along, leaving work each day thinking "phew! I got through today...but who knows if it will all fall apart tomorrow!". I got an extra pay rise later on because of my performance and got really upset about it as I thought "sh** I really am deceiving them!!"

From the outside everyone probably looks at you as being completely completely in control and capable. They can't see the anxiety going on in your head.

A few things that helped me (I don't know how feasible these are for you without knowing your job but worth thinking about whether you can apply the principles):

• Asking for regular feedback from more junior and senior colleagues. When you get specific feedback on specific things you do well it helps you realise "yeah actually I did do that" and constructive feedback is also helpful as it helps you see specific things that still need improvement as part of any self development.

• I built a small network of colleagues around me who were at similar ish levels to just go for a coffee with from time to time. Finding out what they were up to in their roles and what they were finding difficult, whilst also bouncing around some things I was trying to tackle helped enormously.

• Having honest conversations with my manager about how I was feeling. When people keep telling you you're capable, eventually (and slowly) you start believing it.

Please keep going in your role. It sounds like you're going through a normal adjustment period and it can sometimes take a long time. Keep going and I promise at some point you'll start feeling like your role is actually a bit boring and you need a new challenge!

^This. Absolutely.
You are clearly worth the salary as the performance revies highlight that they think you're doing a good job

@Everydayandeverynight as someone who’s managing others and also have found my job extremely hard at times (plus I f&cked up number of times) all I can say is identifying you could be better is a fantastic achievement itself!!!

it’s absolutely 100% totally ok to feel you’re not good at what you do! Not operating in your comfort zone is one of the best way to gain your confidence. Well done for grabbing the promotion, now you have an amazing opportunity to learn from feedback and mistakes.

So why don’t you get some feedback from colleagues (not sure if you mentioned you did this?) to get an idea of areas to focus on, why don’t you list out the gaps (which you observed yourself?) and perhaps then discuss with your manager how you can fill these gaps? Perhaps training (LinkedIn training is great) or mentoring from someone more senior could help or some more situational exposure ?

good luck x

I am about to start a new role, something l have never done before and am worried about this too op.

I heard someone say that at one end of the scale is imposter syndrome, but at the other end of the scale is arrogance. Somewhere in the middle is being self-aware and self-critical, and that's a good place to be. You say you think you're not doing a good job, but do you have concrete examples of why? Do you think through work situations and see something you could have done better?

Your manager clearly thinks you're doing OK, but could you ask for more mentoring either from them or someone else you see doing your job/ a similar job well or think you could learn from?

I get where you are coming from OP. A good friend recently brought to my attention that this is imposter syndrome and also if you are super conscientious it is extra hard. However recognising you make mistakes and learn from them is a good thing it also helps your colleagues, nothing is worse than an arrogant dictator in charge. Oh and remember that men don't suffer from this nearly half as much.

I can also totally empathise here being super conscientious. I generally start having a panic attack from week 3 if I haven't 'picked' it all up or not able to do the same tasks as my colleagues. How long on average do we think it should take to be familiar/confident with the role?

I don't think anyone can convince you that you're good enough. In your shoes I would just carry on, give it a bit longer to help with your money issues and if, as you say, you get found out so what? You can just opt out and go back to the job you were more comfortable with. No occupation is written in stone, you don't have to be there...give it a little more time and carry on doing your best.

I’ve spent years working in a job where I am totally out of my depth.

In spite of never having had a bad review and being surrounded by people who tell me I have “so much to contribute”, all I feel is seriously out of my depth. I too have been told that I suffer from imposter syndrome, but I don’t. I just work in a weird job that I’m not qualified for.

I agree that being conscientious makes these kind of feelings more likely & stronger, but in my case there’s a bit more to it.

I’ve decided that for me, the best thing is to go and find a different job. If I still feel this out of my depth after all this time, that’s not going to change anytime soon 🤷‍♀️

Yes, I think for me personally speaking I would give it anywhere from 6 months (assuming a probationary period passed) to 18 months. If I still felt uncomfortable I would start looking. That said, it can take a while until we feel comfortable in job roles and in my experience anywhere from 8 months to 18 months. That would be my benchmark I reckon, 18 months.

What kind of job is it?

Office based? Retail?

Gosh OP, are you me? I feel this way on a daily basis! I started my job 12 months ago, I'm an Operations Manager in a brand new sector for me. I feel like the job is too big for me, and I'm still learning as I go. Waiting for my boss to finally realise that I'm useless, however he calls me a "superstar", and has every faith in me.

This was me. It went on for years and I just sort of kept falling into the next part of uni/ next job and didn’t really want any of it. I could hand on heart say I wasn’t as good at my job as so many of my colleagues. I also struggle with self esteem but I was starting to realise that it’s probably because I was putting myself in that situation every day. I was always dreading the next big thing round the corner and assuming every phone call was someone phoning to catch me out. I’d never experienced a panic attack or any kind of anxiety in my life before but I had this random panic attack and fully couldn’t speak. It happened again in another social situation when someone was asking me about work and I thought I can’t continue on like this so went to the doctor for medication. In hindsight what I should have done was quit at that point but I wanted to have a baby so knew I needed to stay for maternity pay, no matter how miserable I was becoming.

I returned after having my baby and within a few months was back at that horrible place again. Most of my maternity leave was wasted just sitting worrying about work. I was out for a walk with my newborn baby in the pram just completely riddled with anxiety and panic over what I was going to do when I went back. It took over my life 🤦🏻‍♀️ I’m now about to have baby #2 and I won’t go back this time. It’s such a relief to know that I don’t have to feel like that anymore. Life really is too short to feel that way about something that you purely sell your time to to make money. There’s ways of making money that don’t feel like that! I’d say plan your exit and start enjoying life

@Everydayandeverynight I thought I'd share this with you as you may find it helpful when dealing with the negative thoughts.

I read an interview with a high achieving owner of a tech company. He said he'd been subjected to negative thoughts in the past. His way of dealing with them was to treat them as ideas one of his staff had brought to him. He's examine the idea and if it was completely negative, he would tell them (or the thought) to go away and come back with a better, more constructive idea.

I dealt with mine by thinking off then as being said by a particularly annoying Parrott on my shoulder. I d tell it to go away unless it has something constructive to say.

good luck, and I'm pretty sure you are not bad at your job. You'd have been told you were by your boss a while ago, otherwise.

You've had some great replies here. I agree with every single one of them. But I'm going to give you a short and "sweet" ( well not really sweet) reply. I'm a manager. Been a manager for decades. Managed hundreds of staff in that time. They even say in a good manager.

If you were as rubbish at your job as you say, any competent manager would have got rid of you long ago. So unless you are saying your manager isn't competent, then you must be hitting or exceeding the performance expected.

In other words - you are doing fine!