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Original poster

Potential employee wanting to meet 121

38 replies

working4ever · 05/04/2023 22:03

I'm a (female as I think may be relevant) manager with a very small team. Bringing on board another employee with good skills. HR are keen on him. He's older. He has kicked back on hours of work, working from home and salary so far to which HR has bent over backwards to accommodate including seemingly changed another employee's work pattern. He now refuses to accept reporting to me which to be fair with his skills he is more of an equivalent role and I have no issue with. He now has said before accepting the job offer he wants to meet with me face to face to discuss working arrangements.

On the face of it seems sensible, however alarms are being set off. Even a a male colleague who I manage has said he would volunteer to be at any meeting as it seems as if there would be an attempt to bully me (his words and he said he'd spoken to other friends who are in senior positions in financial services, HR and IT). Apparently the new potential employee (he hasn't yet accepted job offer) wants to know all about our working practices and software etc which I wouldn't want to divulge for security reasons until he is an employee. No one I know has ever come across a situation where a potential employee has asked for a 121 with no one else present to speak about working practices and find out what our security set up is. HR are pushing this however I am very wary. Yes my dept needs help but is this a security breach attempt or sussing out how far I can be pushed and manipulated?

Chap is mid 50s and said all the right things at interview and then suddenly the hours weren't right; it wasn't convenient to work in an office location; his skills were way too senior; we clearly needed him etc. Suspect he wants to work out towards retirement at a senior level.

Any advice?

OP posts:
trulyunruly01 · 05/04/2023 22:21

I wouldn't take part unless my own manager or HR were present. This is making my left eye twitchy and I don't even know you.
Id be saying rather grandly that to protect both you and me we should have a third party present.

CrapBucket · 05/04/2023 22:24

I would agree to this if there is an NDA in place. But if not I wouldn’t tell him anything. For all you know he is interviewing at every one of your competitors!

Greensleevevssnotnose · 05/04/2023 22:25

Seems normal to me. I was offered a role today by the director of a business but have asked to meet the team one day next week just for a morning to see if I like my colleagues and could work with them. You spend a long time at work, best get it right.

L3ThirtySeven · 05/04/2023 22:26

Whoever is hiring him should be doing the 121. As you’ve bowed out and are not his manager, it needs to be whoever will be managing him. Whoever that is should have an HR rep there for both his and the company’s protection.

Biscuitlover456 · 05/04/2023 22:28

Yeah this sounds a bit dodge. Meeting people in the team to get a feel for a workplace is one thing, but insisting on a 1-2-1 meeting with you alone to talk about security amongst other things seems iffy. Requesting that another colleague is present seems sensible and reasonable IMO

L3ThirtySeven · 05/04/2023 22:28

Oh and your male colleague with the faux concern “oh poor wimmin you might be bullied let me protect you” you need to assert your strength and authority with him. I’d never have let that pass under my watch.

unfortunateevents · 05/04/2023 22:39

So many questions here. Why are HR to desperate to have this person on board? Were there no other suitable candidates at all? Presumably you were on the interview panel, how do you feel about this person? Who is this person now going to report to as he has decided he is too important to report into you? If he is supposed to be working in your area, how is that going to work on a practical level if he decides he doesn't like how things are done?

Why does your male colleague even know about the request for the 1-2-1? Have you discussed it with him? Why does he even think it is appropriate to speak to people in other senior positions who have all seemingly decided that you may be bullied by this person?

TheCraicDealer · 05/04/2023 22:42

Absolutely not. What if he turns down the job after meeting you and everyone looks at you like you scared him off? Or he takes the role but alleges you made assurances in your meeting that things happen xyz way when someone asks him to do something he doesn’t want to do? Or he pumps you for information in order to pass on to competitors he’s also wooing? Nah, fuck that. It’s clear your place are desperate and he’s obviously capitalising on that and manipulating the situation to his advantage. That’s ok if HR want to go along with it, but to involve you and create potential issues for your personally is way out of line.

I would say “Given I have no role or say in recruitment or indeed prospective management of this person it would be inappropriate for me to discuss sensitive commercial information with him before he formally accepts the role, which is what he is requesting. Please let me know if he accepts the position and details of his start date so that we might make the appropriate arrangements at that juncture”.

Beamur · 05/04/2023 22:46

He sounds demanding and awkward. I'd be concerned about how he would be to work with.

WeAreAllLionesses · 05/04/2023 22:57

He sounds a complete nightmare, if this was a relationship you'd be running as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

Good or not he won't be worth the headaches he'll cause!

aNewYorkerInLondon · 05/04/2023 23:09

This sounds like a potential fishing expedition on his part -- or he's just being very thorough.

I'd take the meeting, but be very careful about what you divulge. Have a variation of, "I understand why you'd like to know that, but it's privileged information so I cannot share it with you until you are under a contract of employment here," ready to use.

You can ask an HR rep to be present, but if they (HR) are really so keen, it might be better not to have them there. Let you evaluate the candidate for yourself.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 05/04/2023 23:17

He sounds like an absolute nightmare and you're already well on the back foot already with HR doing everything he says. I'd be bending over backwards to stop him joining my team at this point...

Feuillemille23 · 05/04/2023 23:47

Is he mates with the hiring officer/HR or something?? Fair enough to have a brief familiarisation session after you've accepted the job OR when you're still trying to make up your mind whether to apply, but this smacks of him trying to offload work and/or browbeat you before he's even started....oh, and I'm in my mid fifties and though I may sometimes wistfully dream of retirement I know I have at least another 12 years ahead, so probably at least another 2 or 3 job changes, plus I will almost certainly have to keep working past retirement age if I want to keep eating....and yes, the law changed recently so you can request flexible working - from the day you actually join the organisation (unless the role is advertised as flexible/remote right from the off).

I think you're right to be wary.

Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 05/04/2023 23:50

Make sure you leave the door open, and have someone sitting outside.

BeeCucumber · 06/04/2023 00:04

It’s a big fat no from me. He will attempt to bully you into giving him information. He is already bullying HR - this a huge red flag. Keep your distance and hope that he doesn’t accept the job.

Pencilsaremylife · 06/04/2023 00:07

What is behind the decision to appoint this person, is he the only possible person who can do the job, why has HR acceded to all his requests. Let me guess the existing member of staff whose work pattern has been changed to accommodate him is also a female? He sounds an absolute nightmare, if the role was advertised as reporting to you as the manager, why have you agreed to the change just because he thinks he’s so wonderful. You are going to lose the respect of your team if you allow a potential new employee to dictate to you how things should be done.

Ponderingwindow · 06/04/2023 00:09

For the level of position, a 121 meeting seems perfectly normal to me. You get to a point where you want to be sure that you aren’t going to encounter certain problems with an employer.

I wouldn’t disclose any security details. I would be willing to answer enough questions to confirm you are following proper protocols so he doesn’t need to worry about joining a company that will expose him to liability

Aprilx · 06/04/2023 07:02

The 121 meeting sounds like the least odd thing about all this to me. If the role was initially supposed to report to you, then why were you not involved in the recruitment process in the first place, that is more puzzling to me. I can hear some alarm bells here, he sounds like he will be high maintenance and perhaps difficult.

But a 1 on 1 meeting with a colleague or potential future colleague is surely absolutely bog standard and happens every single day probably many millions of times.

KatherineJaneway · 06/04/2023 07:31

If he is not reporting into you, then you are not the appropriate person to meet with him. I would refuse and if it was made clear I had to meet with him, I'd insist HR were present.

With regards to software, unless he is IT based a simple we are a Microsoft organisation etc is all that is required.

He sounds a complete nightmare.

Coraline353 · 06/04/2023 07:49

Having a high level of experience or skills doesn't make him an equivalent role to you. He chose to apply for this role and he's essentially kicking up a fuss to have a new, different role created. Why are you accepting this? And why didn't you have any say in hiring? It doesn't sound like your work treat you as a manager. Although to be fair if you're discussing all this with other people then you're not behaving like one either. If you're accountable for this work how are you supposed to work with this guy bit reporting into you?

The whole situation sounds like a total mess but if you're not managing him or his work then don't meet with him. No point.

snitzelvoncrumb · 06/04/2023 07:53

I think you should decline. He won’t be reporting to you, so there is no reason to meet with you. If HR insists, then they must accompany you. Hopefully he doesn’t accept the job.

SpringHasSprung23 · 06/04/2023 07:54

Greensleevevssnotnose · 05/04/2023 22:25

Seems normal to me. I was offered a role today by the director of a business but have asked to meet the team one day next week just for a morning to see if I like my colleagues and could work with them. You spend a long time at work, best get it right.

It's nothing like the same, your bloke wants to meet the team, the OP's bloke only wants to meet her 1:1 with no one else present.

@working4ever he sounds like he'll be a monumental pain in the arse, he's already said he won't report to you so make the meeting someone else's problem.

don't meet him alone.

Coraline353 · 06/04/2023 07:55

And I honestly am baffled that you're so casual about a direct report thinking you can be bullied by this person. Do you and all your workplace colleagues think women in management can just be bullied by men because they're women?

tiggergoesbounce · 06/04/2023 08:01

Were you involved in the initial recruitment process and his interview?

Why are you discussing this with other team members? If this potential employee becomes an actual member of the team, you shouldn't really be discussing this with others.

Its not a great sign that one of the team you manage thinks you can be "bullied" by another person. Why are they questioning your competence to handle a standard part of a recruitment process.

I dont think him requesting a meeting is odd, Most people meet with members before accepting a role. It is strange that it is required to be you, though, when he won't be reporting to you.

Also, why does your organisation allow people to decide who they are managed by? It all seems a bit odd to me.

LadyWithLapdog · 06/04/2023 08:01

Won’t he have a probation period? He can then decide if he likes the team, or whatever. He’ll be a nightmare and you won’t be able to get rid of him. Are his references totally sound?

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