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Original poster

Manager telling lies... HELP!

29 replies

Tinkerbella13 · 04/04/2023 19:16

Right... let's go:

I work from remotely from home, for a Luxury British Jewellery brand which I have done so since June 2021.

Last week my nephew (3y) had some issues with his nursery due to staffing issues, meaning they were closed on Monday and Friday (just a one off) so he came to ours. At home, it's me, my mum, sister and dad so plenty of people to look after him.

Usually I work from my room but due to building works, I was in the living room on Monday morning so my nephew jumped into my lap for our morning meeting - no issues with the team.

Same happened on Friday and again, no issues or so I thought...

Later that afternoon, I had a catchup with my manager and she was telling me how cute he was and I told her that the teachers (x2) have been taken sick so they can only open 3 days this week which isn't ideal but it happens. The more we spoke about him, I told her that he's very naughty and I could never answer calls him him in the same room otherwise he'd want to talk to the customers - she also comments that I was in a different room, to which I said due to building works where they were banging on my side of the room.

Anyways, today... She asks me to jump onto a meeting and presents me with a 'Letter of Concern' where it says that I've made her aware that I take care of my nephew on Mondays & Fridays, this is not true and was a one off. Also that there is concern that I cannot do my work to the standard required by the Company because he is screaming and shouting for the phone in the background.

She also mentioned how my contacts for the day were low - this would be because I was taken off contacts at 2:30pm and told to focus on drafting a project, so I'm annoyed this was used against me.

So you can see how our conversation on Friday has been completely taken out of context and is not true whatsoever... She has taken this to HR so concerns were not discussed with me beforehand at all.

Beyond angry is how I feel.

I don't understand where any of this has come from but to say I'm feeling pushed to resign wouldn't be lying, I just can't afford to quit but I will certainly be looking for a new job.

Any advice? I don't wish to speak with her anymore because I feel like she has made up lies about my situation in malice and now I will be closely watched despite being one of the best performing employees with KPI's.

OP posts:
Jellyx · 04/04/2023 19:21

I would record all your concerns in writing to HR- they will make suggestions of how to resolve things. If there are future 1-1 meetings I would follow up the meeting with an email to the manager saying ''I am wiring to confirm information discussed in our meeting today..''

pizzaunicorn · 04/04/2023 19:23

Email a response breaking down inconsistencies ensure you send it to both the manager and HR. Include there is no reason for them to be concerned and your work has never being questioned previously,

GoodChat · 04/04/2023 19:34

I don't think she is lying, really. You've told her he's there because nursery is closed 2 days a week and she's heard him making noise and you've told her he's naughty. There's a good reason to have cause for concern that two days a week your output is going to be impacted.

Original poster
Tinkerbella13 · 04/04/2023 19:38

GoodChat · 04/04/2023 19:34

I don't think she is lying, really. You've told her he's there because nursery is closed 2 days a week and she's heard him making noise and you've told her he's naughty. There's a good reason to have cause for concern that two days a week your output is going to be impacted.

But she is...

It was one of him being at ours on Monday and Friday... and she never heard him at all!

OP posts:
Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 19:45

I agree with @GoodChat . You have given your manager cause for concern - she can see the child can get to your workspace, you've told him you couldn't make calls with him in the room, you've told her the situation isn't ideal.

In her position I'd want to know:

Is somebody else actually taking care of the child? (That's different from other adults being in the house)

Are you able to be sure he won't enter the room and interrupt calls? (If so, why is he entering the room and interrupting meetings?)

So I'd keep your response firm, clear, but low key. I can see how she may have misunderstood you and why she might have been concerned. I would not take this personally or see it as a reason to leave at all. Just clear things up in writing, but without drama.

I'd email something like:

Dear x,

Thank you for the meeting and letter of concern dated x.

There has been a misunderstanding here. I am not responsible for my nephew or for any childcare during my working hours. He is in the house during the working day two days a week at present. His mother and grandparents have full responsibility for him at all times

There is no need for him to be in the same room as me at any time and I am able to ensure that he is never in earshot of customers.

I realise that it may have given the wrong impression when he joined me during our team meetings twice last week. I will now take steps to ensure that this will not happen again.

My call rate on Friday was lower than usual because I worked on draft documents that afternoon as instructed. This had nothing to do with my nephew.

As you know, I am a committed employee with strong KPIs. I am glad to have had the opportunity to clear things up. I am cc-ing HR for information and would be grateful if you would inform me of any outstanding concerns.

Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 19:51

Sorry - realise I misread re Mondays and Fridays. Okay, it was a one-off. I really can see why your manager was concerned though. I wouldn't give up on her. Other adults should be keeping him away from you while you work. You've blurred the boundaries here - were you looking after him during those meetings or not? If so, she is right to warn you that this can't continue. I would take a deep breath and preserve the relationship. Remember too that managers are human, tired by Friday afternoon, and as likely to misunderstand as anyone else. I wouldn't leave over this.

Quveas · 04/04/2023 20:28

Tinkerbella13 · 04/04/2023 19:38

But she is...

It was one of him being at ours on Monday and Friday... and she never heard him at all!

Show quote history

Irrelevant. Your good reason isn't an employers good reason. Based on your evidence here, you'd be returned to full time office working with us, as a best outcome. You could be disciplined or even dismissed. You don't work and take care of a child ever. Circumstances are Irrelevant.

Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 20:43

It's not really clear to me whether you were looking after nephew or not, so I can see why manager was confused. Did he 'escape' or were you taking care of him?

The fact that it happened twice in the week and that you seem not to have considered it a problem would have worried me, OP.

I would be glad manager has misunderstood the circumstances. It gives you a get out. I'd just make it clear that this won't happen again and that you understand that it shouldn't. That's really not clear from your posts here but he's not your child - you don't get emergency leave to care from him. He can't be your problem while you're working.

Idontgiveagriffindamn · 04/04/2023 20:49

I can see where your manager is coming from on some parts of it.
It looks like you were looking after your nephew those 2 days as you were not in your usual room and your nephew was on some of your calls. There’s a bit that is unclear to me - did you tell your manager that you couldn’t take calls as your nephew is naughty and would want to talk on them? Or that he did interrupt some calls?
She’s obviously mistaken about the regular child care but that’s easy to dispute.
I think accusing her of lying is a bit too far and would do more damage to your professional relationship than this.

LemonSwan · 04/04/2023 20:50

Well it’s a lesson learned that this manager is not your friend.

I like mangledrakes letter.

They have either completely thrown you in it and are out for blood. Or they are trying to save their own skin for something and have decided to throw you to the wolves instead. Either way would just use this as warning and crack on as you are. If the former then your obviously good at what you do and a threat to her so don’t be pushed out.

Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 20:57

I remember being warned that accusing anyone of lying ups the stakes and fuels conflict. It's sometimes obvious they are, but even so.

In this case I don't even think it's obvious your manager is lying. It's all a bit ambiguous. It's so easy to talk in terms of clearing up misunderstandings instead of burning bridges. Choose your battles wisely here.

uggmum · 04/04/2023 21:03

To be honest I don't know what you were thinking.

You had him on your lap whilst you were in a work meeting. That is totally unprofessional.

I would take a very dim view of it. You may think your Nephew is cute but your colleagues may not.

I wfh and I have a private room to do so. No one comes in when I am working.

You also said that you cannot take calls when he is there. This would indicate that you are unable to do your job effectively.

Your Manager may have got some of the facts wrong but she is right to be concerned.

Gazelda · 04/04/2023 21:09

OP, I think that posts on this thread demonstrate that it's easy to misunderstand the situation. I can totally see how your manager has reached the assumptions she has, as you've given her evidence to do so.

Surely you can see that you've had your nephew present during meetings twice and told your manager that he interrupts calls, making it difficult for you to do them.

I think that @Mangledrake's email us excellent. Try to re-establish your managers trust in you.

Original poster
Tinkerbella13 · 04/04/2023 21:15

Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 20:43

It's not really clear to me whether you were looking after nephew or not, so I can see why manager was confused. Did he 'escape' or were you taking care of him?

The fact that it happened twice in the week and that you seem not to have considered it a problem would have worried me, OP.

I would be glad manager has misunderstood the circumstances. It gives you a get out. I'd just make it clear that this won't happen again and that you understand that it shouldn't. That's really not clear from your posts here but he's not your child - you don't get emergency leave to care from him. He can't be your problem while you're working.

Thank you for your help with this!

So in the morning, we have a quick 5 minute catch up - whilst on mine, he heard and came to me, he's just drawn to sounds and new people.

I get my wrong but I would have rather she spoke to me about it instead of taking it to HR and then issuing a letter of concern and telling me to fill out a flexible working request.

Another Manager was asking questions about him the other day which I thought was weird and now I know it was part of this case building.

OP posts:
Mumma · 04/04/2023 21:19

There is no way it is appropriate for him to be jumping on your lap on a work call.

GoodChat · 04/04/2023 21:49

I was working from home during covid with just me and DP there with a toddler and we managed work calls between us.

There's no justification for your nephew being there and if you can't keep him away from a 5 minute chat with your manager you can't keep him away from your client calls either.

Sorry OP but you do need to hold your hands up for your part in this.

Mangledrake · 04/04/2023 22:22

I agree that she was a bit heavy handed - unless someone took this out of her hands. That happened to me once. Asked HR for advice, for slammed with a Procedure and a lot of panic.

So either she was a bit sneaky building her case, or she went away and slept on it and panicked, or she consulted someone and they stirred things up. I think you can fix it though and then just keep an eye on things.

Azandme · 04/04/2023 22:27

uggmum · 04/04/2023 21:03

To be honest I don't know what you were thinking.

You had him on your lap whilst you were in a work meeting. That is totally unprofessional.

I would take a very dim view of it. You may think your Nephew is cute but your colleagues may not.

I wfh and I have a private room to do so. No one comes in when I am working.

You also said that you cannot take calls when he is there. This would indicate that you are unable to do your job effectively.

Your Manager may have got some of the facts wrong but she is right to be concerned.

This.

You literally gave her cause for concern, now you're furious because she's concerned?

beachmum1 · 04/04/2023 22:31

You can't have a child on your lap during a meeting, she is right to be worried!

TortolaParadise · 04/04/2023 22:42

This is why colleagues should never talk about their personal business at work. People are just sifting your words to use them against you in the future.

unfortunateevents · 04/04/2023 22:54

If there were lots of people at home to look after him, I'm not sure why he ended up on your lap on two different days? The fact that he hears you on calls and likes to be part of the action is neither here nor there, you can't have him in the room, and it's up to the rest of the family to keep him out! Also, if the call is only five minutes and the rest of the time you are working remotely on your own, how is the manager supposed to know that was only with you for that short time, and that he hasn't actually been in the background or making noise when you are making calls? If you could keep him out of the room for the rest of the time I don't know what on earth you were thinking about, letting him be there during the team meeting – you may have thought that your colleagues might like seeing a cute kid, but at least some of them were probably thinking wtf?!

piedbeauty · 04/04/2023 23:04

Wtf were you thinking? He shouldn't have been in your lap in a work meeting. Who was meant to be looking after him?

You may think it was ok with your colleagues but they were probably just too polite to say 'wtf?'

Email your manager along the lines of the message suggested up-thread to clear things up. I'm not surprised she is concerned!

Ginger1982 · 04/04/2023 23:12

I have to agree that you gave her cause for concern when you let him sit there during s work meeting. When he came in, you should have told him to leave or had another family member remove him. My 5 year old is looked after by my mum in my house after school 2 days a week and knows not to come into my office if I am on a call/in a meeting. Also, how long is the building work going on for? It's not really conducive for you to be doing confidential work in the living room surrounded by family.

That being said, I don't think it would have killed your manager to discuss her concerns with you on a one to one basis, even more formally than just a chat, before bringing in HR. Presumably it could all have been cleared up without so much drama.

Namechangingagain111 · 04/04/2023 23:16

Very unprofessional to let him be seen / heard when you were on a work meeting.
I'm not surprised your manager is concerned

Sittingonabench · 04/04/2023 23:23

I understand why you’re frustrated with the handling but I can see why your manager is concerned. You say he is attracted by people sounds but put no boundaries in place to protect your work. From your managers perspective she has seen the child disrupt two meetings, you have said he disrupts your working pattern (not doing calls) and is a distraction (referring to his naughty phases). It certainly indicates he is spending time in your working area and impacting you. If that isn’t the case then you need to make that clear but given what she has seen/heard I can understand. It’s also possible that she went to HR for advice as it can be a tricky topic to approach. It may have been different advice if you were the parent.

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