Feel like I've lost the dressing room

[Waydown]

To use a sporting analogy.

I've been in my post, leading a team of c.20 people for about 8 years. It was very hard initially because I had to make a lot of changes and move some staff on. More recently I had a really strong and cohesive team who seemed to enjoy working for me.

Then DH died and I had some time off followed by a further period when I wasn't functioning very well. My boss took on all the leadership tasks but it's true some of my daily work fell to other team members (just as it does when anyone else is off)

Initially everyone was wonderfully supportive, but since I've been back as normal, they seem to begrudge everything they did during that period. It told them all collectively and individually how grateful I am and I've supported many of them through personal crises of their own. I'm a very supportive boss, allowing flexibility and encouraging development, but I don't know how I'm going to get this back.

It feels like I've "lost the dressing room" and it's time to move on. WWYD?

You mention you’ve thanked each of them individually and collectively but you perceive that they begrudge what they did whilst you were off/not functioning.

Firstly, what is about the individuals you are interpreting as begrudging? Words? Behaviours? Attitudes? Is it genuinely every single team member or just a few?

I’m also wondering what feedback you were given in the individual conversations you had, and if the feedback was not very forthcoming or explicit, what you could do to get more of a picture of the mood and views from within your team.

What do you mean by begrudging, how is that showing up? What's different? If it's attitudinal nastiness, and you've already said thanks, and appropriate acting up rewards have been given, or new skills have been noted and reflected ('I can see that while I was off you did x which has increased your confidence/abilities so much that I'm putting you forward for y project to build on those skills) - whatever would be normal in your workplace culture...

If all that's been done and people are still moaning about a period of simple work coverage then I would be nipping it firmly in the bud and moving them along, frankly.

Some of the people who were previously willing to take on extra/ keen to learn new things are now barely willing to do their normal work.

Plus plenty of comments about things they've done that "aren't my job"

No one was paid any extra because all the things that bore more responsibility were dealt with by my boss. It was just some processing type things that I usually do that fell to them, although they're not in themselves more senior tasks. I.e if someone was appointed to just pick up the bits of my role that they covered, it would likely be on the same pay band as they are on.

They did have some extra workload, but also because I wasn't there, I wasn't creating some of the things they usually do for me. No one was doing loads of extra hours, split between them it wasnt that much, there's only one if me, but I (and my boss) are still very appreciative of everything they did to keep things going.

It feels like they begrudge the time off I had as much as the work they did as a result. I suspect there might also have been one person (who's since retired) winding people up over it.

I think you’ve answered your own question. Their workload increased and probably wasn’t offset by your absence as much as you or your boss think. Was the workload well managed by your boss in your absence? Was there a reason more staff weren’t brought in to pick up the additional work? Was overtime paid? Is a pay rise forthcoming? Was there an acting up allowance for anyone / because while your boss might have believed they were picking up your work I imagine there was a level of overspill. Thank you is all very well, but being financially recognised for the extra work you’re delivering is 100 times better.

In terms of how you move this forward - have you acknowledged you recognise there seems to be a problem and asked them for feedback as to how you can address their concerns and get things back on track?

I'd just give it time, if they've had to do extra for a while when you've been off it's totally reasonable that they're not wanting to volunteer to do extra work now that they have the option?

Extra work for the same pay? I wouldn't be happy either and certainly wouldn't volunteer to do similar now that manager is back.

How long were you away for? Do they know why you were off? I would have open honest off the premises with them individually and encourage them to tell you how they are feeling, spsay you can fix what you don't know about so please be truthful with me. If that brings up nothing then you can perhaps move forward.

Maybe they enjoyed the extra responsibility and are miffed you are taking it back?

Just another angle- We are seeing that staff engagement and willingness to 'go the extra mile' has really dropped off post-Covid and with the advent of mainly remote working. I am sure someone cleverer than me has written an analysis of why, and the different ways that different generations approach work.

Your position sounds tough but be careful not to take it all personally. Keep an eye on the wider scenario, it may be bigger than you. A lot has changed in the last 8 years for everyone.