I think I've just done something really awful.

[OrmIrian]

One of the lads in the computer room has been sending round e-mails with jokes, funny pictures and the like. Usually they are harmless. But recently they have been getting more raunchy, and one yesterday actually made me really uncomfortable. I'm the only female in the department and over the years I've got pretty thick-skinned (believe me I've had to after 17 years in a mainly male environment) but some things are simply beyond the pale. And worst of all I opened it up just as someone came to talk to me so he saw this thing over my shoulder before I had a chance to close it down. It was mortifying .

I don?t want to get all Andrea Dworkin about this but I?m not sure it's acceptable in a workplace environment. I just had my appraisal and after the main discussion my manager asked me if there was anything I wanted to bring up. So I did. These e-mails. Now I feel really bad. If he gets into trouble. Was this a really crappy thing to do

Message withdrawn

Hmm, well he ought to take responsibility and discourage it on the grounds of being inappropriate generally.
He could just say he doesn't like it when there are female staff. Our workshop was pretty no-holds-barred, but they had taken it upon themselves to ban the use of the c-word out of consideration to the women.

I think you did the right thing. Well done.

i don't think you need have mentioned it to him, tbh, his behaviour is unprfessional and that's a manager's job to control, not yours.

I wouldn't expect my ex boss to eradicate all sexism from an all-male workplace, but I would expect him to understand and respect my position and make it possible to discuss sexism problems without taking it directly back to the perpetrator.

I think yours should understand why you don't want to be outed as the complainer.

But he wasn't controlling it aitch. And I was bothered by it. Perhaps I shouldn't have been but I'm getting weary of having to have a thick skin all the time.

Well, your manager shouldn't have to tackle it by saying "there have been complaints"

It's an inappropriate use of the email facility - well it would be in my place anyway, we have a policy and everything! The manager should be able to have a quiet word with him based on the general unprofessional/inappropriate thing and not necessarily even mention the sexist angle...

FWIW I think you did the right thing mentioning it.

Think aitch means the emailer.

The manager should have tackled it before now imo. His reaction ('He isn't sending them to you too is he') suggests to me that he knows he should have done something.

I would let your manager deal with it - I definitely wouldn't apologise or forewarn the sender !

He should be apologising for sending you offensive stuff and for wasting work time !

Stop worrying - he's in the wrong not you !

Ah.. I wondered if I had misunderstood. Got confused with the 'hims'

I am quite surprised at just how much it upset me. I ranted at DH for about an hour last night after he got home. I guess some things just hit a nerve.

sorry ormrian, doggie's right, i didn't express that very clearly. what i was saying was that i don't think you had a responsibility to mention anything to the emailer first, it's not your role. it's your boss's job to provide an environment where that sort of sexist behaviour doesn't take place (whether it's the norm or not), so i think you did the right thing.

Thanks aitch. I wasn't entirely sure

Was thinking about this... "Deleted them unread" my arse. How did he know they were unsuitable to be sent to you if he wasn't aware of the content?

I found that I could cope with all kind of things and then something quite small would be the last straw and I'd lose it. Don't think the guys realised what an effort it was to just maintain an even composure sometimes. If your lot are techie like mine were they'll just put it down to your being of the mysterious female species, which they'll never understand....

Actually redadmiral I think a lot of techies here don't quite understand the human species let alone the female Some of the guys I work with in my office are OK but the real cable monkeys who spend their entire time in a darkened room, emerging only for take-away curries and Star Trek conventions are a quite different matter.

That comment was odd. Makes me suspect that some of the e-mails have been a bit off for a while but I don't always bother with them so missed the worst of them.

Erm, as a female manager of an all-male group of IT 'professionals' (at one time) I think what you did was absolutely correct.

Is your workplace a boys club or a professional organisation?

They should absolutely not be sending out emails offensive to anybody in the organisation - gay, catholic, female, one-legged - whatever.

I encouraged the team spirit within my team but not at the expense of minorities of any sort.

And I know this sounds really PC, but it's not. I don't want to hear a team of professionals that I have recruited - whose judgement I trust - being ignorant at any level.

surely the issue is not that he's sending them to you but that he's sending them to anyone- would not be acceptable evn if an all male environment, IMO- what about men who don't like that sort of thing?

I quite agree madlentileater. It's not just about me. It's about how it changes the general feeling of the place for everyone.