How did you balance a mid-senior corporate career and young children?

[7Worfs]

I’m late 30s and about to return to work from mat leave (last child).

My current job is very convenient - 8am to 4pm WFH, no business trips, 37 days annual leave, very good salary, good pension.

The downsides - it’s really uninspiring, no opportunities to learn and grow, and earn, further.
So if I stay put for the next 5 (10?) years, my salary will stagnate and I will be out of the growing/striving mindset. I will have to coast until retirement, underpaid and bored out of my mind…

If my children were grown up I’d already be looking for the next step up, but they are tiny and they need me now (and I them).

What did you do / would do in my situation?

Can you afford a nanny?

You can return to the growth mindset you know! As you can choose to ease off a bit when they are young.

Three thing with mid senior is you get dumped on from above and below so you need to be good with boundaries, delegation and being clear on your responsibilities.

mdh2020 Yes I can afford a nanny, and - I should have mentioned this - DH works from home three days a week and can do drop-offs and pick-ups on those days.

But I don’t think I’m mentally ready to go from the bubble of maternity leave, EBF and co-sleeping to working like a dog to prove myself in a new company. I probably have another 1-2 years of being sleep deprived ahead of me, so I’m under no illusions I’d be at my peak cognitive performance.

Rollercoaster1920 did you take it easy for a bit with young children? For how long, and how did you find going back to full speed?

Depends on the organisation I’d say. I work for a very large corporate and have had moments of more ‘live to work’ and more ‘live to work’.

The small children/nursery/illness/ broken sleep times were definitely ‘work to live’ and do the job I knew how to do well while balancing so much. But I’d say it’s not 5-10 years it’s more like 2-3. I found I had much more energy and brain space once they weren’t toddlers.

The caveat is that the company I work for is always changing so I’ve been able to find new opportunities and stretch myself and my career. My kids are teens now and my career has grown with them.

Maybe it’s about thinking smaller. Are there projects you can take on? Networks to build within the business? A bit of personal development. Keep your growth mindset but just at a slightly slower pace while you’re jugggling?

I'd go back and see how you feel once you are working with two kids. There is no rush to make a decision.

I've just secured a new job having spent 6 years in a role with your working conditions. Now my son is 9, I'm ready to push with my career again. I am getting a 40% pay rise for a sideways-ish move, so you can see the sacrifice I have made.

I potentially would stay where you are until both children are in school. I know several mums that are doing the same to get over the worst of early years sickness, night wakings and just the sheer relentlessness of looking after babies/toddlers.

What does your partner do?

I've just accepted a position in a new area after coasting for a few years, my youngest starts school in September

I had 1 year at your level after my baby and it was good not to be overly stretched as I navigated being a working parent. For me it would not have been the best time to really push on both fronts. Then I got a big promotion when DD was 2 (I didn't seek it out but was asked to apply). I'm 4 years on now and its been great, really stretching but with more control over my diary so I've been able to do most school pick ups. My partner works shifts which helps with things too.

I don't see why you need to wait 5-10 years. Give it 2 years when you might be past the sleep deprivation and you might get your mojo back.

My career took a back seat for 5 years while I had my children and I had no interest in my career. Just turned up to work, did what I had to do. However once my youngest was 3 my career drive started coming back and I got myself a new job.

My husband has a really inflexible career that involves sporadic time away and needing to be away for weeks or sometimes months, but I am really career minded so wasn't willing to take a step back. I have stuck to the public sector and am currently in the civil service, I'm not making the big bucks I could make in my field in the private sector, but the flexibility is next to none; flexitime, manage my own diary, mostly WFH, good sick leave etc (it's also genuinely interesting work I enjoy) I have continued to progress absolutely no stagnation, out earn my husband but am relatively easily able to manage family life, I have sort of hit a ceiling now at my grade in that I don't feel comfortable going to Senior Civil Service level whilst my youngest is still primary (only a couple of years to go) but there are plenty of other things I can do at my grade to enable upskilling and lateral moves building on experience to better prepare me for SCS or private sector when I'm ready, but wages will stagnate now until I can make the next step.

Nanny.

And actually, I've found it's easier the more senior I get. No one to question my diary, I can control my time and fit things into my day that I could never have done previously. Some days are full on, but others more restful.

I'm also able to creatively juggle holiday and work trips.

The flip is that I'm often working at odd times, eg 10pm calls with the US or 7am with Sydney.

I've found myself becoming much more ambitious since having children than before. Before work was just work, but now it gives me pleasure and satisfaction beyond the day-to-day. I really enjoy the intellectual stretch and the rewards that come with higher risk.

Your benefits are excellent, 37 days annual leave is incredible. Is there a chance of a better job in your current firm?

Reliable childminder, cleaner, gardener, grocery deliveries, amazon prime etc has enabled us to have 3 young children and high-pressure, full-time jobs. We've built up a level of respect with our respective companies so have flexibility which is priceless. Between us we drop at school every day and collect 2 days a week. So we feel we have a great balance with time to do homework etc, and the teachers know who we are! We work again after kids' bedtime - the main sacrifice is couple time and sleep. It is non-stop but we are able to give our children privileged lives.

And actually, I've found it's easier the more senior I get.

Definitely agree with this, I had kids young and it was a much bigger challenge juggling them whilst being junior in my career vs now where I own my own diary and less accountable to a supervisor. My restrictions now are largely due to the fact my son goes to a primary school a 15 minute drive away with limited wraparound care, the step up to SCS means a loss of flexitime and likely being located in London with more office working which just isn't feasible with our current set up, but the high school is walking distance so as soon as he's there and I won't be tied to a school run the freedom will be insatiable! It was actually logistically easier when they were younger in terms of nursery care etc and it was more thorough, but the sick days were stressful without WFH, and trying to get to school events etc would have been nigh on impossible.

Nanny or nanny share and try for 4 days a week or hybrid working to start with. I had 3 terrible sleepers and worked a 90 minute commute away, DH was 40 minutes away. We had slightly different working hours so our nanny wasn't doing longer days. I did a lot of work on trains and would have half an hour's sleep after particularly bad nights. Mat leave was 7 months at this point so children were little. Saw lots of them though because there was no way on earth they'd go to bed at 6.30!

I did the dull job for 5 years and was a part time student on the side, to keep my brain interested. Then back to a bigger role when DC were in secondary.

Sounds like the answer is give it 2 years.

So in one year set a date in your diary to start looking.

If you are bored right now, is there a project for this year that will make life easier when you do switch up?

Review in 6 months so if it’s more manageable than you thought you can accelerate.

Thank you all so much for the replies - really reassuring to hear about your experiences, and great food for thought.

I’m thinking the best approach for me will be combining advice from multiple posters -

1. Return to work and see how it goes, what projects are available, etc
2. Stay put for 1-2 years (as needed) but try and keep it positive with asking for a bigger/more impactful project or a secondment or just build networks with other business areas for a future internal move
3. When my mojo returns (say 1-3 years from now) - look for the next step up

To the posters who asked, DH is in accounting, fairly low level in a big company, and has lots of flexibility. He’s not the determined career type, so can pick up at least half (or more) childcare.

Look at my last post OP it’s almost impossible unless you have a supportive partner. My DH gets the support and I’m the supporter so I’ve found it really tough. Point 3 is what I have resigned to because I just can’t commit to a new organisation like I’d need to to progress/do something more challenging.

Honestly OP if your DH isn't the career type and has flexibility in his role I really wouldn't limit yourself too much. I wouldn't stay put in a role not engaging me under those conditions, sounds like you've got the scope to be more ambitious if you want to be.

I’m very career driven and ambitious, I did the safe job (albeit it still a great job) until youngest DC was 6, then put foot firmly on the pedal, I now earn three times what I did. I manage my own diary, try to minimise travel, my family reap the rewards.

My next big push will be when my youngest starts secondary and can independently get to/from school. Then I’m pushing for promotion and more earning. Ideally semi retire in 12 years and consult, or non exec PT roles

OP I literally could have written your post word for word, I’m in the exact same position. Currently applying to other jobs as there is a chance I could take redundancy in the next few months. We already have good childcare in place (but expensive!) and after school clubs and if need be my DH will have to step up and do more picks ups etc but I’m kinds of going to see what happens in the next few months and cross rush bridge when we come to it. Ironically part of the reason I want to leave is my salary is stagnating there and I need a big step up to pay for the expensive nursery costs!

Good luck in your hunt, @Movingonupi and hopefully no redundancy so that you have options 😊
We have rounds of redundancies pretty much annually since 2020, it’s crap.

The way I see it, the next few years will pass whether you plan for career progression or not, so you may as well create some clear goals for yourself.

One way I've pushed myself outside my day to day role is through coaching and mentoring juniors in the same field (connections made via work as well as LinkedIn), and speaking at conferences. This has kept my interest and skills sharp when I've felt a bit dull at work.

This extra curricular stuff has impressed recruiters and helped progress my career, as well.

That’s a good idea, there’s a mentoring programme at work and also through the chartered institutes I’m a member of.

I’m not so sure about conference speaking - on one hand I’d feel like an impostor for not coming up with truly groundbreaking stuff, on another - I’ve been to these conferences and they always keep it very general and high level… @NineToFiveish how did you get into it? And muster the confidence that you’ve got something really important to share with industry peers?

When I last applied to speak at a conference, I used a project I was working on as the topic. Everyone who attended was interested in the topic, otherwise they wouldn't have attended my session! So I shared my insights and experiences, and opened the floor to comments, and the 45 minutes flew by.

I don't think anyone has to present something groundbreaking; I see conferences as the chance to hear different points of view, collaborate, brainstorm, etc. Maybe that's just the way conferences in my profession (Learning and Development) work.

I have one very sensible, very senior friend who tells me once every three weeks that it's better to be bored for a little while and enjoy having small children, that advancement will still be there in 5 years time. And they're right, I've been back to work two years, I still get itchy feet, but I know I can kick into gear when it's time.