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Original poster

Feel sick at the thought of leaving my work friends. Am I daft?

25 replies

JennyEag · 23/03/2023 17:14

Hi there,

I’ve recently accepted a new job in the healthcare field after a hell of a lot of deliberation. I love my current job but the work life balance isn’t great and the new job allows a lot more progression and money without the unsocial hours. On paper it’s a win win. Am I ridiculous for feeling sick at the thought of leaving my work friends. We are all very close and the thought of going makes me want to cry. I am a sentimental and nostalgic person but I didn’t expect to feel this way. I know this isn’t a reason to stay in a job as staff constantly change as people progress/retire/leave etc but wondering if anyone else has experienced this and whether they got over it or still felt this way in their new job? I’m worried this might negatively skew how I feel when I start

OP posts:
Doje · 23/03/2023 18:13

Yes, daft. Friends will still be friends wherever you work!

Dumdumbetterrunrun · 23/03/2023 18:17

I get it OP, I'm leaving my hospital in July and I'm so sad at the thought. It really is like a family, and I know it's never really the same when you leave. Colleagues move on and you can never really share that same shared exhaustion/ frustration/ hope/ laughter again once you're out of it.

mdh2020 · 23/03/2023 18:41

I hate to say this but you are probably not as close friends with them as you think. You will get to know your new colleagues and if you are really friends with your current colleagues you will still be friends with them. Work friends are, I’m afraid to say, like holiday romances.

toomuchfaster · 23/03/2023 18:47

I did think this when I left my department, but tbh a few months later and I was completely forgotten about there, and absorbed into my new team.

ToThineOwnSelfBe · 23/03/2023 18:48

Not daft. Sometimes coworkers make great friends. In reality, I spend more waking time with my coworkers than pretty much anyone else in my life!

I have definitely cried on leaving a job because I worked there for ages and had genuine friends there (who I talked to and hung out with outside of work). I still see those friends, but it is not exactly the same because they see each other every day and I don't. Not every job is like that and not all coworkers become good friends, but just because some other people haven't had that experience doesn't invalidate yours, OP.

WeAreAllLionesses · 23/03/2023 20:47

Completely disagree with @mdh2020, I have what started as work friends from many years and jobs ago who are friends for life. And in my current job I have lots of people I class as very good friends.

clary · 23/03/2023 20:52

I did a job I really couldn't bare in many ways, I the end, so I had to leave. But I was so so sad to leave my amazing team.

Thing is op, they don't stay. My boss had already moved on, as had another colleague; two others have since moved. None of the six of us still works together - BUT we still meet up regularly and they ate still my very good friends. Maybe it helps that none of us still work together?

clary · 23/03/2023 20:52

Couldn't bear so sorry for the stupid homophone

Upsidedownagain · 23/03/2023 21:01

A lot of my friends are ex work colleagues - some going back decades -so I do think you can make proper friends at work. But I've been in the same job a long time so mostly they left, not me!

I don't think you ever get back the particular camaraderie you have at work - there's nothing quite like the shared adversity / in-jokes you have with colleagues - but when I meet up with my ex colleague friends, we usually discuss what we have in common job-wise at some point.

But OP you will gain a new set of work friends in your new role - it won't be the same at first but likely it will eventually. And you can keep up with the true friends from your current job too. And it sounds like overall your life will improve.

Haribosweets · 24/03/2023 04:21

As other people have said, you will find you will probably lose touch. My 1st job was like working with family and I cried a few days into new job as I missed them. They said the usual will meet up etc and 20 years later that meet up never happened. The job I moved to eventually became my family but it took approx 2 years to build up the connection. I worked with them for 13 years. Even though I work in the same company as them I took a new job in another team and even though I see them occasionally work wise it is not the same and I don't get invited out anymore with them as I don't work with them.

Give it time and your new colleagues will become new friends but if you want to stay friends with your current work family then make the effort to arrange to meet. Maybe start a what's app group with them. Good luck

HappyMarriage · 24/03/2023 04:34

I left a job with an amazing team, we had great fun together and really supported each other through difficult times. My new team just wasn’t the same and it was lonely for a while. Then I progressed and changed jobs again and had another great team (not sure they’d beat the first one). The first team has long since changed though. I guess what I’m saying is that it is hard and sad sometimes but also life and work can’t stay the same and there will be other perks to your new job and there might be another great team waiting for you down the line

Sugargliderwombat · 24/03/2023 06:55

mdh2020 · 23/03/2023 18:41

I hate to say this but you are probably not as close friends with them as you think. You will get to know your new colleagues and if you are really friends with your current colleagues you will still be friends with them. Work friends are, I’m afraid to say, like holiday romances.

You've never been lucky enough to work with friends! I've been here OP and I remember the sadness, I still miss those times but I knew it was time to move on. I'm still friends with them all now 🙂.

Keeween · 24/03/2023 07:00

Aw you’re not being daft at all. I felt like this when I left a previous job I’d been in five years (20-25), I cried on and off pretty much my whole last day and I still feel a bit sad occasionally now nearly five years on 😂 I’ve never had anything like it since, altho I’ve always had ‘work friends’. They were just a great group of people, and I’m still close to them now… one is even godfather to my son!
If they’re as good mates as you say you are, this won’t be the end!

FrankandWalters · 24/03/2023 07:02

But I assume you’ll still see them regularly,, if not on a daily basis? Why wouldn’t you?

newjobnewstartihope · 24/03/2023 07:19

mdh2020 · 23/03/2023 18:41

I hate to say this but you are probably not as close friends with them as you think. You will get to know your new colleagues and if you are really friends with your current colleagues you will still be friends with them. Work friends are, I’m afraid to say, like holiday romances.

Yep
It's tend the be the case you are soon forgotten/ replaced so seriously try and put it out your mind

Original poster
JennyEag · 24/03/2023 10:30

Thank you so much for your input. This has been my first full time job so I can’t imagine myself working anywhere else which is likely another contributing factor but I know career wise if I don’t take this leap I’ll struggle to progress. I’m definitely going to make the effort to see some of them and I genuinely think some will be friends for life however deep down I think I know a few will fizzle out. I’ll just have to see how it plays out! Nice to know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this x

OP posts:
Lcb123 · 24/03/2023 10:32

Not daft but if they are genuinely friends you’ll see them outside work.

whatisforteamum · 26/03/2023 09:01

I can understand this.My last 3 jobs I've had a fantastic time with great colleagues and couldn't wait to get to work.We worked long hours but the laughs outweighed any downs.
With a positive attitude I reluctantly left my great team for better hours.
Turns out my new place has toxic women who have ostracized me,reported me gossips about me.my old place have asked my to go back.
I'm seriously considering it.I hope your new team are lovely though.

Original poster
JennyEag · 29/03/2023 14:30

whatisforteammum that’s a big worry I have. You never know what the work environment is like until you go! The new role is completely different to my current one too so if they aren’t nice and the change is hard I feel I might struggle

OP posts:
whatisforteamum · 29/03/2023 18:13

Jennyeag well I've given my new place 5 months in the hope my colleagues would realise what strengths I have.Today was pretty much the final straw.
My old colleagues were fantastic and any stress was due to back to back 12 hr days.
Luckily they have a vacancy and I'm sure I will go back on some new negotiated hours.
I've never met such toxic colleagues in my working life so if I were you I would hope for the best.
Most people are decent I find.😁

Original poster
JennyEag · 30/03/2023 11:40

That sounds terrible. I hope you get sorted out! At least you can say to yourself you tried it out.

OP posts:
TortolaParadise · 04/04/2023 06:37

No you are not daft, never felt this way myself though!

magicthree · 04/04/2023 07:23

I'm having lunch next week (a regular thing) with someone I worked with over 40 years ago, and a group of us from the workplace I left nearly five years ago meet up every two or three weeks. If any of your colleagues are true friends then they will stay friends, otherwise just move on - you will soon find that you have a camaraderie with your new colleagues.

I've never felt sad about leaving a job though - in fact I have gone skipping out the door with a spring in my step!

MsMcGonagall · 04/04/2023 07:35

I had one job where some of the people have turned out to be friends for life, I still see them. I've just left another job where everyone was lovely, but, I don't think I'll be staying in regular touch. In my new job everyone is lovely too, but it's too early to gauge if they'll be lasting friends.
Hopefully the job you're leaving is like the first of these!

Original poster
JennyEag · 06/04/2023 11:52

Thanks everyone, I’m leaving shortly and feeling much better about it now!

OP posts:
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