I've messed up, can't deliver as promised, what do I do?

[Concestor]

Ok, I know the obvious answer is just admit it, I just feel really tearful about things right now. Please be gentle. This is long, sorry.

I am not employed, but I work for a few different organisations all within the same field. I'm self employed but they work a bit like jobs only without the benefits.

One of the organisations I work for I find really difficult to understand their processes, and am often ignored when trying to get departments to do things (eg if I need some find Comms put out I'm not allowed to do it myself but then Comms don't respond so it doesn't happen).

I also have to fill in a form whenever I want something. I can't just ask someone "please can you create a QR code for me?". I have to fill in a form which generally has questions on it that I can't answer, then I get stuck, and I'm not allowed to make the qr code myself!

I've flagged this to my line manager but she can't change anything, so I'm a bit stuck.

Added to this I have an unwell child who I thought was going to get better when I took this particular job on, but hasn't, plus I'm now suffering with menopause and feeling quite ill a lot of the time.

Because I recognised the pressures on me, and that I couldn't continue to do everything, I gave notice to one of my other clients (for want of a better word) but I can't leave yet.

My problem is I thought I was on track to meet a deadline for something quite public, despite having had to move things back a bit on occasion.

I've now had an email from my line manager who is clearly angry, saying they are going to have to postpone the thing, and asking me to confirm I've done a number of things she has listed.

The problem is that a number of them I didn't even know I had to do, and others I thought were ok to do nearer the time but apparently it all needs to be done within the next fortnight.

I can't achieve that deadline as I only do a day a week on this and I've other commitments for other "clients" next week that I can't move.

I've been thinking of quitting this role anyway. I was advised not to do it by the previous incumbent who I know a bit and had chatted with, and I'm experiencing all the issues that she did in the role.

I have to give a month's notice so I'd still need to resolve the issues, I just don't know how to respond.

I can't say "I'm in a total mess, I've not done this stuff, didn't know I needed to, and don't know how to get it done navigating your systems," can I?

I accept that some of this is on me. I should have asked more questions and pushed back more. But I'm struggling with my family health situation (my dad has been ill as well) and I think they should have been clearer about what they wanted from this as I was not aware of some of their expectations.

I'm in a bit of a panic at the moment, need to take some time to think it through and reply, but I would appreciate some advice

I feel really sick and anxious and like I just want to hide away (which obviously wouldn't help!). Even thinking about this job makes me feel sick and I've been feeling like that for a while now.

My line manager is actually really lovely so to send me the email she has means she is either very very cross, or feeling concerned, or under pressure, or a mixture.

I want to deliver, I just don't think I can and I feel awful about it.

Sorry I’d finish it by saying, as you know I have communicated these road blocks multiple times but am hopeful that you can bring this round into a two way mutual effort to achieve joint success.

Sorry pressed send too soon - going forward, i would suggest on other jobs when you have a nebulous thing to deliver (and whether the company asks for it or not ) to send them some kind of weekly tracking report detailing progress, blockers (and ways you are going to resolve those blockers of course) and an overall summary. Also, if a company says they want a thing, i would sit down and present back to them your solution and approach and then there can be no mismatch (well there can be , they can say what they want but you will take comfort from the fact you have done the right thing).

Agree with a lot of the other comments on here and especially the make it factual bit.

Add dates or email evidence where you can.

For example 'I asked [senior member of staff] for this information on 4th February, but didn't receive a reply (see attached email)'

Wow, they sound awkward and disorganised.

definitely push back with facts about what was agreed and when you’ve asked for things and had no response.

This is great advice!

This is all very helpful.

There have been times when I haven't had responses and then I haven't followed up, so I'm not entirely blameless, I've just found it so hard working for/with them.

There's fault on both sides but I thought until today that we are ok and things were going to be delivered. But that email is putting everything at my door and I don't think that's accurate or fair.

Will have to look at it tonight once I've stopped feeling so sick over it. I feel sure we can resolve it all, I'm just not happy at being scapegoated. Normally my line manager is lovely!

Is this NHS? I actually think I might know the type of role you're talking about and if so, I'm in a similar one and live in perpetual fear something like this is going to happen to me at any time. It's a difficult situation to be in and like you I was warned by my predecessor but we are always hopeful and naive at the beginning aren't we?!

I don't have any advice except for take deep breaths and try to stay calm. You've just admitted now a lot is fixable right? And ultimately you're not an employee, would you even need a reference from them in future? I'm not saying tell them to sod off and/or drop it all or anything but if you don't need to rely on them for things like that, I feel that does remove one layer of anxiety if relationships with them don't end up exactly as you'd hoped, you know what I mean?

You will get through this one way or another. I do find it helps me with work stress to think 'whats the worst that could happen?' because actually when I think about it, the worst outcome means my family are still safe and well, and nobody's died as a result of any mistakes I may have made. I know that might not be helpful for some people but it is for me, for perspective. As ultimately I worry a lot about my work but actually it's really not that important in some ways (I recognise I'm privileged to be able to say that!).

Oo I hate stuff like this. Working externally into the innards of a company can get so wishywashy.

I would say you have been having difficulty getting response in time and weren’t aware of this new deadline. To resolve this ongoing problem in the midst of a further pressured timeline please can you nominate a direct contact in each department and explain my role, and the critical nature of this work, to ensure timely turn around.

You need to come clean. Reply to the email:
I've done 1,2,3.
I haven't done 4,5,6.
I was not aware that 7,8,9 was on my to-do list.

Do it. Send it now. Then your'll feel better. When you next work you can deal with whatever the ramifications are.

She's not your line manager, she's your client; if you've requested information and not had it that's on them not you; and tbh if you've had no input from them about deadlines etc it's a bit rich of them to now raise it.

I freelance with very little info as well - their choice and I assume I get paid well because I deliver - but if they came back to me complaining about xyz and hadn't mentioned it before I would not be happy!

Agree with this. It's a business relationship and they have not been fulfilling their end of the deal.

Be constructive, but firm, don't let them intimate you into taking the blame for their internal company issues.

I agree. If you have a line manager, you are an employee.

Are you genuinely a self-employed contractor or are the company being cheapskates to save on on costs?

Either way the company need to do their part of the project?

That's even more reason to reply!

Stick it in an email, factual and unemotional.

OP take no nonsense from this arse covering blame game email

Can you do a project timeline that shows clearly what is completed, what isn't and where the dependency is that is holding it up?

State that you have approached x, y, z and say awaiting response or include due to follow up as your next step

Say in light of the new information on the deadline of a fortnight that you will not be able to take on extra work / responsibility and will have to only continue with the work you were originally contracted to do.

Something has gone upside down if they are praising your work a fortnight ago and then this. I appreciate you are distracted but try not to commence any work without clear parameters and timelines. I'm freelance too and job creep is such an issue to manage.

Good luck

I've just realised, if senior staff are copied in do you think your manager us using g you as a scapegoat?

The title of your thread is wrong, OP. Don’t accept any blame on this - you haven’t messed up.
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I actually think I've done a good job so far! Two weeks ago they said how pleased they were with me and asked me to stay on once this is all delivered!
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But now I've got this email with senior staff I've never even heard of copied in and I'm not sure what's happening.

Hopefully you’re not busy panicking any more - remember you have much more power in this relationship than you are crediting yourself with!

Good advice in here!

Just to add that please make sure you are definitely classed as self employed for tax purposes for this work, e.g.:

You’re probably self-employed if you:

• run your business for yourself and take responsibility for its success or failure
• have several customers at the same time
• can decide how, where and when you do your work
• can hire other people at your own expense to help you or to do the work for you
• provide the main items of equipment to do your work
• are responsible for finishing any unsatisfactory work in your own time
• charge an agreed fixed price for your work
• sell goods or services to make a profit.

There is information here www.gov.uk/working-for-yourself including a link to a tool that helps you check. Very important to make sure the arrangement passes the self employment tests, otherwise you will have a real tax headache down the line if/when HMRC decides you should have been classed as an employee.

I think in view of the situation they're setting you up for blame but their systems are at fault. Push back hard.

Thanks all, I've been out at a voluntary thing I do and just caught up.

I am self employed, although they did provide me with a computer but I do have my own, they just wanted me to use one of theirs. I control my hours etc.

I do think that I'm being blamed because the event isn't selling well and they are panicking, but that's not my responsibility, I've done loads to promote it myself, and I've not had Comms support to promote it which really doesn't help!

I'll reply tomorrow listing where we are and what needs doing and querying the extra things. I'm happy to do them but the timescales might need to move (which I don't think is a major issue, there's no reason for a fixed date for completion just an arbitrary one).

I'm feeling a lot calmer and will hopefully calm them down too. I really don't think they are used to working with freelancers and they haven't been sure how hands on to be with managing me. Plus this is a new thing to them and so they've looked to me to be the expert (which I am, but I'm not an expert in their organisation).

And, I think I need to take some lessons from this for myself, about managing up and being more assertive in situations where I'm not getting the right support. I've let Life get on top of me a bit and that's not ideal.

In the case of not being able to progress stuff then I would make a note of the date you requested it, the date you chased it, the date you flagged it up to this woman to progress it.

I used to chase and chase and chase then realised that it wasn't necessary. I'd give people a couple of chances then name and shame to the boss. It's surprising how quickly people pull their finger out when they realise they are on the boss radar!