Would this make you feel inadequate and not good enough?

[Meltinthemiddle]

I have been in my job for 4mths. Today at lunch my manager and deputy spoke about other people who didn't get my position and that they seemed nice but was told one was too quiet for the role (I'm quiet) and that one but didn't get the job only because they didn't interview well as set up the wrong activity so that's why they didn't get it. Basically they spoke really nicely about them and why they didn't get it They are not involved with the interviews so wasn't their decision. But they then asked me me about my interview and if I had to do an activity. I was honest and actually said I didn't which probably makes it sound worse. It's completely made me question my position. They didn't even say but it's ok we are glad you got it. Just spoke highly of the ones who didn't 😔

Not really. Nothing they said is a reflection on you and in the vast majority of cases more than one person is more than capable of a job. Believe in yourself more!

I think you may be overthinking it, but I do understand why you are questioning yourself.
They would probably be mortified to know that’s what you took away from the conversation though as probably just generally chatting. They don’t know you well enough to have in-depth conversations with you about your life, so were sticking to a subject about work & something you’ve been through recently I imagine.

Thank you! They haven't said anything negative about me, but they haven't said anything positive either! I haven't had an appraisal yet so would be nice to know how I'm doing positive or negative feedback but this felt a bit like a dig at me and like they should have got it. It's hard enough starting a new job and questioning if you are doing ok.

They shouldn't be discussing the other candidates with you. Did they name them?

And I'd love to see the interview criteria that allows for too quiet as a reason for not hiring someone. Do you work for a small company?

I work in a school environment. They did name one person who works in another school which is part of the same academy so someone they must know. It also sounds like my interview was different, but I wasn't asked to do an activity in the email they sent me, which apparently she didn't do well at so that's why she didn't get it. I did get observed with the children and I did get questioned.

How do you 'believe in yourself more'? Genuinely curious.

I would feel like you do ie that they feel you got the job unfairly. It sounds as if they have 'assessed you' and reviewed the other candidates to see why you got the job over them. . This is really unprofessional of them and surely its in breach of confidentiality to even look at the other candidates if they were not on the interview panel.

Being your manager and duputy, it makes this hard for you to complain which they are well aware of. Are you still working your probation period? Do you have somebody in the field you could speak to if this continues? Your union perhaps?

You’ve been in role 4 months and they have given you NO feedback on your progress? This is utterly weird. I’d ask!

I think I am pass my probation. During my first week my manager said she was happy and asked if I felt the same. And said she felt I would fit in. I have had no feedback since. If they said oh but I'm glad you got it or something along those lines then obviously that would be different. I'd rather know if I'm not fitting in or doing a good enough job because a. I could try harder or b. I have been offered other opportunities. In fact I initially turned down this job as didn't think I would be successful and accepted another who got back to me before they did. I then regretted it and emailed them back asking if it was too later to reconsider and they still offered me the job and they said yes!

I think this why I'm doubting myself because I've had no more feedback since!

That's rude and unprofessional and I'd say discussed on purpose infront of you, so I'd be a bit ynbu

This is irrelevant. Ask for feedback during your probation period if you’re unsure how you’re doing. No point looking sideways/backwards. This was unprofessional of whoever was talking, but unlikely to be anything personal.

Do you think if they were unhappy they would do my appraisal or say something? This was something my old manager would do with people she felt was struggling. It seems wrong if they don't discuss it with me if they don't think I'm fitting in and just allow me to carry on.

I think you could tackle it by asking for a meeting where you can set out your plans/goals for the next six months and ask them for their feedback?

I would NOT ask them for areas for improvement etc. Thats up to them to suggest, not for you to put ideas in their head.

Thank you everyone. We were meant to be having appraisals around Christmas but it never happened. Maybe I will ask them if they are still doing them. I have literally hit the ground running, not much support to be honest almost expected to do the job straight away so it's hard to know how I'm doing as not much supervision!

I've been told all about the other candidates who interviewed at the same time as me - including the ones who almost got the role.

It's not a reflection on your performance as nobody knows how you'll actually perform until you're in the role.

Thank you, I think I have been doubting myself for while now anyway as not sure how I'm doing in terms of work and fitting in. So this just made me feel even more paranoid! Especially when they said one was really nice and the other didn't get the job only because she didn't do the activity right. And then asking me about my interview. I should probably just said yes, because they are probably thinking it wasn't a fair interview so why did I get it 😔. I didn't have any connections with the school.