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Original poster

Husband doesn’t seem to care I’m unhappy in my job

23 replies

Justtheonemorethen24 · 08/03/2023 00:39

I work a relatively ok paying job, I generally don’t enjoy it but the pay as I said is decent and it’s in town, it’s also part time. So here is my problem, I have the possibility for advancing in this job, making way more money with a slim chance of maybe even liking the job more, but the thought of being there full time, it also would be out of town and so a commute on top, less time at home and im
miserable at the thought of getting it. Yes, I’ve applied for the job and on my third round of interviews. My husband however can only see the financial implications, which I honestly do see and understand his point ( he’s breadwinner) I’m just shocked that he actually couldn’t care less if I’m happy or not at all. I’ve given it a deadline of one year if I do get the job but am I being unreasonable or is this shitty of him to actually only care about money?

OP posts:

Eyerollcentral · 08/03/2023 02:35

No, sorry I don’t think he is unreasonable. Of course he is thinking about the money. I’d be pretty annoyed if you had that opportunity and instead of being excited about a new prospect you were already consumed with the negatives. He didn’t make you go for the job, sounds like he has been supportive in to the bargain. I would find it hard to listen to someone only working part time complaining about not wanting to put a bit more effort in for a lot more money tbqh with you. What do you want him to say? How would you feel if he said I’m fed up working full time and want more time in the house?

snitzelvoncrumb · 08/03/2023 02:59

If you don’t like, look for something else. Life is too short to dread going to work. But you need to change before you get the pay rise or it will be harder to leave. You don’t need his permission.

FinallyHere · 08/03/2023 03:04

Why do you only work part time. Is it around childcare or other responsibilities?

Life is too short to do a job you truly hate, but what is it really that you hate about the job? Might going full time actually be more interesting, or could you position yourself to get to be more responsible for the fun parts and less for the not so fun parts.

I'd say I love my job. It's really challenging and sometimes even scares me, but so far i have been successful and well liked and respected by my colleagues.

It really enhances my life, I shall miss it when I eventually retire.

bizclasswindows · 08/03/2023 03:06

If it is exactly as you stated – he doesn't care AT ALL about your happiness, and can ONLY see the financial implications and ONLY cares about money – then 100% it's unreasonable of him. People selfishly obsessed with money do exist.

If reality is more nuanced – eg he's simply urging you to consider the finances as 1 factor, or if he generally thinks you should work full time rather than part time (not mentioned if you're SAHM)/is concerned about work distribution between the 2 of you – then maybe you both need to talk about other options that may meet both your needs/views.

OrderOfTheKookaburra · 08/03/2023 03:22

Is he expecting more of you than he does? Do all the household and child responsibilities fall to you?

At first glance YABU to want to do less than is generally required of a responsible adult with a family, working full time to earn a decent amount of money to support a nice life/lifestyle.

But, if everything else falls to you as well and he thinks he's going to continue on his merry way doing sweet FA in the home then no, YANBU, except in as far as you've let him get away with not doing things.

elodiesmith · 08/03/2023 04:39

Is he happy in his job? Maybe he'd also love to go PT and find his job more bearable (like you do), but he's been the breadwinner so has to work FT.

Why don't you become a breadwinner for now and go FT, and your husband can go PT?

HelloBunny · 08/03/2023 04:51

You’ve applied for a job you don’t want...

Sunnysunbun · 08/03/2023 04:59

What do you want him to do? Get the promotion and better pay and then look for something else. If you’re not happy move.

ShandaLear · 08/03/2023 04:59

You’ve said you’re unhappy but you’re applying for promotion. It doesn’t sound like you’re really unhappy, rather than you just like having a bit of a moan. If you don’t like the job why not go get another one. TBH, given the horrendous increases in the cost of living, I can completely see where he’s coming from, and having adequate money is more important now than it ever has been.

MichelleScarn · 08/03/2023 05:01

Is he happy in his job? Would you be happy if not and he gave it up for a part time lesser paid job to be happy and you had to adjust standard of living?

BadSkiingMum · 08/03/2023 06:50

Well, it would be a pity if you ‘didn’t get’ the job after all that…if you catch my drift. To be honest, you might not anyway as the panel will probably be able to tell that your heart isn’t in it.

A job offer is between the employer and you, no one else. Only you can sign on that dotted line. However, your husband might have a point about money.

Look upon it as a learning experience and use your experience of the interview process to get something good elsewhere.

notthisagainforest · 08/03/2023 07:02

No I don't think he is unreasonable. Most people don't like their job. They work to get money and that is it. Your husband sees the more money you have the best life you have. That's how it works sadly.

Quveas · 08/03/2023 08:00

Is he happy being the breadwinner? Is it good for him having to bear the burden of ensuring there is enough money in the family budget? If you don't like your job, then fair enough, lots of people are in that position and don't have any other choices. But you do have choices. Get another job. But it shouldn't be that you get to work part-time and also have a great job that you love, and he is the one working and paying for that privilege.

Bigmirrorssmallrooms · 08/03/2023 08:06

No I also don’t think he’s unreasonable, work full time, if you don’t like your job apply for others in different companies

it’s how adulting works

Abouttimemum · 08/03/2023 08:15

I work to live, I don’t live to work so yes I would do a job I don’t really enjoy if it gave me a better home life and DH would do the same (in fact he does) If it doesn’t give me a better home life after trying it then I’d look for something else. If my job made me utterly miserable (rather than just not enjoying it) then I wouldn’t do it, but you don’t know that until you’ve tried it.

KateAusten · 08/03/2023 08:25

You're miserable at the thought of getting a job you've applied for?

Christ

Retract your application and stop messing yourself and everybody else around

2023istheyearigetmyacttogether · 08/03/2023 08:33

Does your husband enjoy working full time? What's his commute? Does he enjoy it? Does he enjoy the financial pressure of knowing he's the breadwinner and the impact that that him making a mistake at work and losing his job or the business he works for struggling financially and making some redundancies would have on the family?

lobeliasb · 08/03/2023 09:54

Why are you acting like your only options are part time or full time at a job you don't like? Why don't you apply outside your current company and try to find something you'd actually enjoy? It's easier to do that while working part time I would think, as you'd be able to fit interviews in during your off days

Brefugee · 08/03/2023 15:42

My husband however can only see the financial implications, which I honestly do see and understand his point ( he’s breadwinner) I’m just shocked that he actually couldn’t care less if I’m happy or not at all.

from his point of view, and i have a lot of sympathy with it, you don't like your job so you want to push all the stress of supporting you on to him. He has a point, doesn't he? what if he doesn't like his job?

Part of being an adult is knowing that you sometimes have to suck things up. You have a job, look for another then when you get an offer change jobs. It is a sad fact of life that many of us spend years sucking it up for one reason or another (kids must eat)

I hope you find something soon.

drpet49 · 08/03/2023 15:58

Quveas · 08/03/2023 08:00

I agree

Womblemumma · 08/03/2023 16:02

Have you ever asked if he is happy in his job? Or if as the breadwinner he is stuck in a job he dislikes but can’t leave ? Just wondering if you have been having these conversations between you, or you just both focus on the finances .

NeverDropYourMooncup · 08/03/2023 16:07

Can you see the financial implications? As in terms of being less dependent upon somebody else, having pension contributions, greater employability with other places (sexism is a thing - but you'd be proving you'd already been able to hack it fulltime), NI payments above whatever you pay now.

It's a lot of beneficial things for you as an individual as well as for you as a family, a couple and for him (the knowledge that it doesn't just all fall on you anymore is an amazing relief once it happens).

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 08/03/2023 16:10

My husband however can only see the financial implications, which I honestly do see and understand his point ( he’s breadwinner) **

Do you check to see he's happy being breadwinner? Does it occur to you he may not want the full financial responsibility on him? You seem very focused on you only.

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