I have resigned

[PrinceOfParks]

And I have a new job, signed the contract this week. I dont know whether to retract though?

One issue is, that the new job Im going ti isn't ideal (office of two, so pretty isolated, plus lower pay, but better less overtime needed).

The job I've resigned from have surprisingly been very eager to keep me. However, if I were to stay, there is a bully I report to who will be unchanged.

He wants to keep me, presumably because I work hard and do as he asks. HR have also asked me to stay. They have offered me more money and less overtime required. HR are aware of his behaviour and would keep an eye, of course he may leave now or may stay for years, his bullying is subtle and no one really wants to call him out, so staff turnover is quite high.

Do I retract my resignation as they have asked, stay on and hope the bully leaves? Or move on from this toxic situation, to a less than ideal job but knowing I am free to look for another role if the new one doesn't work out? I have lost a lot of confidence since working for him.

[Lengokengo]

If you report into a bully I personally would love.
my experience is even when HR are aware, NOTHING changes. I left my old team which had awful dynamics ( chaotic bully boss, and almost worse, 2 team members under him so thrived in the environment and were also bullies). The staff turnover in that team was terrible but nothing changed. 2 years on the manager is still in place, and the same problems happen. Meanwhile I have rebuilt my confidence and gained new skills. If I had stayed my mental health would be rock bottom.

[Lengokengo]

Leave! Not love!

[JennyDarlingRIP]

Can you say you'll stay if they change who you report to? If they won't do this I'd leave

[Fuctifin0]

I wouldn't stay in the hope bully leaves, as he may not.
Or you could take the more money/less overtime whilst looking for something more suitable.
Only you know if you can put up with him.

[Nimbostratus100]

it sounds like a move is the best thing for you, and it sounds like you could move again if it doesn't work out - anyway, if you have accepted the new job, the decision is made isn't it?

Good luck! xx

[SpookyBlackCat]

I would still leave if I were you. It’s very easy for them to promise things like less overtime, but it may not actually happen. It’s seems they are just saying whatever to get you to stay.

[PrinceOfParks]

Yes true, I have accepted the new role and they are apparently looking forward to me joining their very small team (they seem nice).

Even at interview stage with my current job, I suspected the boss was a bully. I stuck with it as it was well paid and a 'perfect' job. It has been pretty bad though, chaotic with high staff turnover.

Sounds like I'm better off leaving, even if they promise me the world. Bully may leave in six months or six years. Yes I'm pretty employable if the new job doesn't work out.

I have so many doubts after working in a toxic environment, it has been hard no to be swayed by their promises if I retract my resignation.

[Lengokengo]

Interesting your update. I also suspected issues with the boss at interview, but overrode my gut feeling as my personal situation meant I needed that job.

HR ( and your boss) are motivated for you to stay ( staff turnover, hassle of recruitment and retraining, hence money increase) but are NOT motivated for things to change, so they will not change.

[PrinceOfParks]

@Lengokengo it is a mistake I suspect neither of us will repeat! I overrode my gut instinct too, thinking that it was a great job and I could ignore/tolerate the bully. Did yours ever leave?

[Mariposa26]

If management and HR know he’s a bully they shouldn’t just be keeping an eye - he should be leaving. The fact he’s not speaks volumes about company culture.

[BannMan]

Congratulations on the new job.
Go for it.
Nothing will change in your current workplace. If they're aware of the issues why haven't they done anything about it before now? They don't value their staff.
Leave and don't look back!

[LetThemEatTurnips]

However, if I were to stay, there is a bully I report to who will be unchanged
It has been pretty bad though, chaotic with high staff turnover

Definitely leave.

[BCBird]

Leave. It could be brilliant. The chances are thst itbwill be a lot better than what you are enduring now. Good luck.

[MaverickSnoopy]

Part of me thinks you could say you'll stay if you report into someone else, but the other part of me thinks that if this actually happened, they'd probably be quite annoyed by it and possibly find a way to make your life uncomfortable.

On balance I think you should go. If it's a small company and you quickly prove your worth there could be opportunity as the company grows. If it doesn't work out you find something else - my sister stayed in a job 6 months before realising it was a terrible mistake and was able to leave for something that was a bigger step for her career.

[Walkinginthesand]

Don’t let them flatter you into staying in a situation that is gnawing at your confidence and making you unhappy

[SideshowAuntSallly]

I reported into a bully, took a job that paid slightly less but has better perks. Best decision I've ever made. My old job would have killed me in the end. My new job is a million times better, better atmosphere, I don't dread going in, I get on really well with my boss, I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder or worrying what's going to happen that day. And I'm not constantly spending money to cheer myself up or take my mind off of work so I can now survive the month and go out sometimes.

[PrinceOfParks]

@SideshowAuntSallly that's great, so glad to hear it! I have been offered many perks to stay but I know nothing will change, if anything given time it may get worse if I stayed as the bully would take 'revenge' on me.

I must stay strong and leave, it is very hard though. What can be done to boost confidence? I feel a bit of a shell after this experience of an awful workplace.

[WinterMermaid987]

Leave 109%, even if new job doesn’t pan out long term it gives you breathing space to find another which is a win win. I too left a bullying line mgr to go to another job lower for a year then got a promotion because my self esteem and confidence recovered.

[WinterMermaid987]

Confidence comes from trying things and being supported. Resilience is the hardest thing I’ve had to learn at work but having a supportive line mgr is brill.

[SideshowAuntSallly]

@PrinceOfParks be careful what they've promised you. My old boss always tried to get people to stay by promising them more money, higher grade job when she knew full well HR would say no.

Leaving is hard but ultimately it could be just what you need. Starting afresh somewhere new.

As @WinterMermaid987 said having a supportive line manager is brilliant. It's made so much difference and has helped my confidence no end.

[Wonnle]

Leave and tell them why you have decided to go despite the improved deal they offered

[SaturdayGiraffe]

People I’ve known who stay after giving notice usually leave later anyway.

[GoodChat]

I'd use your notice period to look for other more suitable work.

[PrinceOfParks]

Thanks, agreed, I have had a very supportive line manager previously. She was encouraging and appreciative. The current bully seems to enjoy wasting people's time, by finding fault with ideas etc, even when they are good ideas.

[Sunriseinwonderland]

Ieft a job with a bullying boss mainly because even after multiple complaints and resignations HR and senior management wouldn't do a thing about it. If I'm not supported I'm not staying. Make that crystal clear in your exit interview.