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Original poster

Awkward conversation coming up and dreading it. Any tips?

44 replies

cricketmum84 · 18/02/2023 11:07

I'm new to the organisation and inherited quite a large team.

We all WFH as the organisation closed the offices and moved everyone to WFH permanently.

It's come to my attention that one of my team doesn't have childcare for their baby and cares for baby whilst working. They regularly have to break off from team meetings because baby needs attention. They also work the contracted hours without a break so they can manage school runs which is illegal.

Neither me or my manager were aware of this and it seems to be something that was agreed with my predecessor.

It can't continue, WFH with a small baby is just not feasible and nobody else in the organisation would be allowed to do this.

I need to tackle this with them on Monday and tell them they need to arrange childcare as they are being paid to be fully focused on their work. But I already know this really isn't going to go down well.

Any tips or advice on the best way to broach this without causing upset?

OP posts:
viques · 18/02/2023 11:11

Put the ball firmly back in their court . Ask them when the arrangements they are putting in place for their child’s care are going to come into play.

AlexandraJJ · 18/02/2023 11:12

Do your homework and stick to the facts, take all the emotion out of your conversation. Prepare yourself for tears and tantrums and remain calm and repeat if necessary. Give timescales and convey anything else required calmly. Good luck.

Bunce1 · 18/02/2023 11:13

Yes- ask questions and be curious and they will then be led to make commitments to you and the company re childcare. If they push back then you’ll have to follow company line and procedure, hopefully it won’t come to that.

silverclock222 · 18/02/2023 11:13

There is the issue with it being previously permitted so you should have sought advice from your employee law people. Might be the childcare issue isn't brought into the convo but it's all about performance. Fine line tread very carefully.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 18/02/2023 11:13

I think some level upset is inevitable. You could start by asking how the colleague is coping with the baby during working hours - if you can bring her to acknowledge the disruptions herself, it might then be possible to position the conversation as finding a solution that works for her and the baby as well as the business.

If she insists that everything is fine, it's not affecting the way she works, then I would counter this with actual evidence - 'in three meetings last week, Monday, Wednesday and Thursday, you had to break off to see to your baby' and keep it very factual.

The issue of not having a break should be positioned as a wellbeing matter - explain that there are laws in place for a reason and you have a duty of care to make sure she gets adequate breaks.

wildseas · 18/02/2023 11:14

My tip would be that as you’ve inherited the team it would be worth starting off with two things: a clear written policy around wfh and a fact finding conversation with the person.

What do they have in place for childcare, how do they think it’s impacting their work, have they realised that you think it’s impacting their work, did they ask for agreement from previous management, do they know it’s against company policy?

If they are someone who you value and want on the team long term then I would consider giving them some time to get a solution into place as well…

Mardyface · 18/02/2023 11:14

viques · 18/02/2023 11:11

Put the ball firmly back in their court . Ask them when the arrangements they are putting in place for their child’s care are going to come into play.

I think this is good. Allowing them to fix the problem without it being an official 'problem' yet. Then if they don't you can respond more formally.

Particularprick · 18/02/2023 11:15

I've been there! Tell them it has come to your attention, say they can't provide care at the same time as working and they must make a plan for childcare.

I would then say you'll meet again in a couple of days to get an update from them. Don't expect everything to be resolved in the first meeting.

They'll probably panic and worry and will need time to figure out what they're going to do.

I might even offer them a bit of paid time off to make a plan/if they need to make calls/visit a nursery etc

Very hard though when they come back and say they can't afford childcare...

tribpot · 18/02/2023 11:15

Do you have an HR department? I'm trying to decide if I think having someone from HR there would help (make it very official, not personal) or make the person feel like they're being ganged up on.

I suspect you will get challenged for how it's affecting the person's ability to deliver and I don't think saying 'trust me, once the baby is a toddler this won't be safe' isn't likely to cut it.

I would be very sure of your workplace policy, be sympathetic to the costs of childcare and offer a reasonably generous period for the person to come up with a solution. I wouldn't bring up the working without a break thing, I don't think such policies can really be enforced on home workers? Stick to the childcare and draw a clear distinction between the occasional interruptions we all get when WFH (I once had some of my team helping ds out with a Robert Frost poem during lockdown - they did offer!) and trying to work in between a baby's naps.

I wouldn't say it but I'd be very concerned about this baby being left in a cot for long periods awake so that the parent can work.

Viviennemary · 18/02/2023 11:16

You need to be quite firm and make sure you follow employment law on this issue. Give them a time limit for finding childcare or else discilinary proceedings will start.

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 18/02/2023 11:18

Yes I'm more than willing to give them a period of time to make arrangements.

To be clear - I have been assured that this isn't an affordability issue. They are a very wealthy family and can afford childcare.

OP posts:
Motheranddaughter · 18/02/2023 11:19

If she had this agreed with previous manager you have to be very careful
I do agree WFH with a baby is unacceptable and unfair on everyone involved
In my company it is not acceptable

BlackbeardsToast · 18/02/2023 11:19

I think the fact that this arrangement has previously been agreed lends a different angle to this.

You're going to have to acknowledge that agreement and then go on to explain that it does not appear to be suitable anymore because of the lack of breaks and the need to leave meetings frequently.

Bunce1 · 18/02/2023 11:23

Is there anything in writing about the prior arrangement? Sounds like it was a curtesy given during the tail end of lockdown? In which case the circumstances have changed and so the arrangement is no longer suitable.

PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 18/02/2023 11:24

I think you've had a NC fail, OP. If you report your post to MNHQ they can fix it (conscious thread could be quite identifying).

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/02/2023 11:26
  1. Check for any current policies that may have any wording on this you can reference
  1. Double check nothing has been agreed in writing with the employee
  1. Suggest to HR that they implement a company wide policy on this
  1. Speak privately to the employee to say a policy is being implemented, and that they need to make steps so that by the time it comes into force, they are set up with adequate arrangements.
lilacclementine · 18/02/2023 11:26

I have a team member with junior school aged children. Her and her DH WFH most days. They split school pickups between them. On the days she does it I'm happy with her blanking her calendar for an hour and then working an hour later or starting an hour earlier. However her kids once home are able to entertain themselves until her or her husband stops work so very different to a baby. You could suggest something like this for the school runs, although I agree the baby thing is mad. I also can't get over the fact she interrupts team meetings because of the baby. Presumably her previous manager said this was ok but it's really not!

(Although I did allow it once for a month or two when a staff members childminder went AWOL suddenly, while she looked for somewhere new. However she was very conscientious and worked most evenings to make up for her disrupted day which wasn't really sustainable and worried me.)

I have a fantastic team of mainly women between the ages of 25 and 50. My kids are older but I had a succession of dreadful unsupportive managers during their younger years and it impacted my career badly. Where possible I try and support working families and allow them to work the hours that suit them, with the caveat that the work must be done, to a good standard and that they mustn't harm their physical or mental health working difficult hours long term.
I have zero turnover, great team dynamics and one of the best performing group in the organisation (backed up by statistics!) I suppose I'm saying if she's good lol at how you support her with so,e of this in a way that means she's still delivering what the business requires.

Christmaspyjamas · 18/02/2023 11:30

It's clearly unacceptable so I would prepare to explain why (availability to speak with colleagues, any performance issues, availability at start send end of day, concern for child's wellbeing and development).

If also be prepared to listen...there may be reasons why she feels she has no choice, eg financial or pressure from partner.

I'd perhaps be prepared to compromise on the school run issue....that impact is manageable and some flexibility is more expected now from managers and would give her two huge problems at once. But where are these older kids in the school holidays and how old are they?

I'd also prepare a list of her strengths and achievements so there are some positives and she doesn't feel pushed out.

I would structure as:

Strengths and achievements
Fact gather on the situation
Probe circumstances and feelings
Propose situation you need to get to and offer support and a reasonable time frame
Set time for follow up conversation

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 18/02/2023 11:34

They also work the contracted hours without a break so they can manage school runs which is illegal

What time do they log on? If they are online for 9.15 (assuming home from the school run then), and going offline at 3pm to collect, then that's under the 6 hours legal req for a 20min break.

OnTheRunWithMannyMontana · 18/02/2023 11:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 18/02/2023 11:42

Have reported my stupid NM fail posts. Such an idiot! 🤦🏼‍♀️

OP posts:
Bunce1 · 18/02/2023 11:45

Do feel a bit more prepared for the conversation now?

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 18/02/2023 11:52

I think so yes thanks all.

I've just reviewed the policy and it doesn't mention childcare at all so that's one I will be raising with HR next week and asking them to review.

I need to also review productivity with my team leader and see what they have to say. I know the team member taking care of their baby complains that she has too much to get through quite regularly so that's obviously a concern.

OP posts:
Oblomov23 · 18/02/2023 11:53

Surely you need HR advice, if it was previously agreed with previous manager. How do you know this. Was it written or verbally agreed. I would still tackle it head on, "despite it being agreed with previous manager ...."

Original poster
cricketmum84 · 18/02/2023 11:55

Oblomov23 · 18/02/2023 11:53

Surely you need HR advice, if it was previously agreed with previous manager. How do you know this. Was it written or verbally agreed. I would still tackle it head on, "despite it being agreed with previous manager ...."

I've already discussed it with my manager who is the head of HR (I'm not head of a HR dept but a linked department who report into that person). They have asked me to tackle is as it's not acceptable.

OP posts: