help....boss problem

[talky]

i won my flex work appeal on return from mat leave. been back 1 month now.at first i thought all was ok and that my hard work,enthusiam and results would win through. last 2 weeks tho boss has started being hyper critical and actually said she didn't think i was up to the job.obviously I took what i could as constructive critism and drew up an action plan (was pretty creative and made her critisms sound more intelligent than they were). I stayed 100% enthusiastic,making clear i was understanding her comments.Infact i do value feedback (esp when getting back into things after year's mat)but her comments border on to something else.
Bloody hard tho. am livid. i am more than up to the job. it's a caring profession tho, so all can get wishy washy and my actual results not really noticed.
can't beleive she said to me, and those were her words, within one month of my return from mat leave (1 year). had only worked for about 4 months in the post befor e mat leave. have about 15 years experience in the career.
she has a reputation for odd and unfair behaviour. still feel crushed and very anxious.
any encouragement out there?

Hi talky

your boss sounds like a right b*h but you really are doing all the right things by being professional. Don't let her get you down - you know you can do the job and you deserve to be able to do it without undue criticism. She's the one with the problemx

Hi talky.

What a shame! Is she like this generally with most people then? Or do you feel she is fed up that you won your appeal and taking it out on you a bit maybe?

It sounds as though you are doing all the right things. My initial suggestion would be to take the initiative. Ask her for a one to one meeting to discuss this. Say you feel you are doing everything you can to address the problems she is raising but you feel a lack of support for what you are doing from her and would like to ask her whether there is anything else you should be concerned about, or anything else you could be doing to improve. Say you would like to have a constructive, supportive and beneficial relationship with her going forward, for the benefit of everyone involved in your work and would like to discuss with her the best ways to achieve that together.

It will be very difficult for her not to respond to that mature attitude. It's difficult but taking the higher ground like this might work. Take notes of everything, offer to write down what is agreed about how you will take it forward and produce a proper note of the meeting, an action plan or similar, to be reviewed later.

You have done everything right so far, keep going, try and take the initiative, but keep making notes of everything that happens in case that doesn't work and you end up having to make a complaint or anything. I would definitely suggest trying to sort it out yourself first if you can though.

Thnaks M.sisers and Flowery. Really, reallly nice to get your advice. It has been keeping me awake at night and I feel low today with it.
My plan I had thought of was to kind of pretend she didn't say it and then be ready with a professional responce if she says it again.
Yes, she is like this with others and always has atleast one person in the dog house.
Before I went on Mat leave ( a couple of weeks before!) she said she felt I was lacking committment. Perhaps that sounds plausible but actually I'm pretty passionate about what i do and was shocked by the accusiation so called for a meeting then to clear the air and persuade of my comtitmnent.It was draining, I think she genuinely can't remember what she's said and she denied most of it and called me over sensitive.
i beleive she is trying to put me doown because i won my appeal and HR actually forced me to present it as a grievance,against my wishes.
If she says it again i could ask that we use the appraisal process as a focus for this. there is a knowledge skils framework that could be an objective and documented method to deal with this. THe professional dev plan would then take it forward in a positive way.
Does that sound ok to you?
Should I at all challange her assertion that i am not adequately skilled at my job? It's a pretty harsh thing to say to some one just back from year's mat leave.Esp cos i presented her with written reflection and mini action plan on the bits of critism she'd given me.
Should I use my job description here?
I'm keeping notes.
My husband thinks she will say something worse next time. What tho?
THanks

My only comment would be to keep notes with date and time and record what she said.

I hope it won't come to this, but if you ever had to lodge a grievance procedure against her or worst, this would help tremendously.

Good luck. Sounds like you have a great attitude

Your plan sounds great, yes do that. If she says you are not adequately skilled at your job, I would address that, yes. I would ask to discuss this with her, say that obviously she has concerns about areas of your job at which she feels you lack the necessary skills, say that obviously you are keen to develop your skills and experience appropriately, so can you please discuss which areas she feels are a problem, then come up with some solutions together how to address that. Yes, use your jd if that's a helpful document, absolutely.

It's almost as if you're the manager and she's the employee here! Just keep challenging her in a mature, adult, constructive way every time she says something so daft, call her on it, ask her to elaborate and help you improve, she'll soon get stuck!

thanks again. I just go bright red and sweaty if she says something like that in person kind of out of the blue. hopefully I'll be prepared if there's a next time. It's putting a lot of pressure on me at the moment as i'm trying to model emplooyee, proving my trial of the flex work request works and now this. So not my usual confidence to approach her.
thanks