Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

To take job or not?

7 replies

Oleson · 05/02/2023 20:36

Hi everyone,
I’m in a real dilemma. I’m Dutch and have been offered my dream job (diplomat) at home in Holland. My boyfriend and I currently have an eight-month old son. As my boyfriend can’t move with us due to his job (completely impossible, however, he can visit quite a bit over the winter months), we have to make the decision of whether to go or stay here. I do have a job here but not one I’d like to return to after the end of mat leave. My boyfriend does support me in taking this job as he knows it’s my dream but whenever I start swaying in that direction; he also says it won’t work and that he’ll miss our son too much. I feel bad for perhaps splitting up the family between two countries but equally also need to have a career Im happy with. Also because my boyfriend and I haven’t always been that stable, and should we break up, I feel like his idea - that I work in a random job part time - will work out very badly for me. Obviously moving is a big step and settling back in Holland - getting a flat, getting our son into daycare etc - would all be on me. It also makes me worried we won’t have more children.

Ive gone over it so many times in my head, with my partner and with friends and feeling so very confused. Any thoughts would be very appreciated

OP posts:
Hoppinggreen · 05/02/2023 21:51

If you “haven’t always been that stable” why are you thinking about having more children with him?
You working in a part time job would be better for him I suppose but it sounds like you and your son will have a better life if you take the job

snowflakeinastorm · 05/02/2023 21:56

I am a bit on the fence with this one, as I can understand your boyfriend’s viewpoint with your son, and long distance relationships do tend to fizzle out. However, having said that, it doesn’t take long on a plane to Holland, less time than it takes me to drive to my parents.

It really depends on whether you think your relationship would work long term, if you have had problems already, regardless of whether you took the job in Holland or stayed here, and more importantly, if you would start to resent him if you felt you had to turn the job down. Would you be happy in a new job here, as a compromise?

ladymacbeth · 05/02/2023 21:58

Have you discussed you all loving and him getting a new job?

MadameDe · 05/02/2023 22:02

I'd take the job. It sounds like that's what you want. If he was your dream man it might be different but it doesn't sound like he is.

GenAndWine · 06/02/2023 03:59

Take the job.

HoppingPavlova · 06/02/2023 04:06

I guess the first question is, can you move back with your son or will your son leaving be stopped?

If your son is free to move back then I would do so and take the job, absolutely. Maybe leave this one if it has been rocky and concentrate on yourself, new job and son and in time meet someone else more suited to your goals, where you live etc.

Newtt · 06/02/2023 08:15

Hi
Firstly I would check that you are able to take your son. Then you can make realistic plans if you want to - if you can’t take him you’ll need to plan around what you can do.

I would take a read of the article in this thread and consider how your work / life will be if you stay in your current situation - would you be happy with the resulting situation at 50???

www.mumsnet.com/talk/work/4735467-if-you-cant-find-a-spouse-who-supports-you-stay-single

(hope the link works)

Good luck with whatever you decide.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread