Unable to work at pace required

[MGeorge77]

I am a management consultant in a client facing role and have to work with really massive workloads and very tight deadlines for a large part of the year. There is some downtime when I am in between projects which means a slightly relaxed pace and 9-5 working.

I have always struggled with focus and am very easily distracted. I am guilty of everything you can imagine - from doomscrolling, reading the newspaper, cleaning the house, calling my mum etc - to avoid just doing the work. As a result if I have for example work that could be done in 8 hours with absolute focus, I might end up taking 12 hours (on a good day) which means a lot of stress and anxiety, precious time away for family and friends, zero exercise and on top of that I have acquired a reputation at work for ‘not working at pace’ which is really harming my career prospects

The quality of my work is absolutely fine, it’s just people are nervous to work with me because they think I will miss deadlines which I never have as I end up pulling late nights at great personal cost to myself as my physical and mental health are suffering.

i have tried to analyse why I do so and there are a few factors including that I am introverted and need time to recharge myself after discussions/meetings. But I think i mostly procrastinate because it does not give me any immediate satisfaction and this is a habit I seem to have unfortunately acquired since I was young. It’s now become really bad and I am really worried for my health as I seem to get headaches and I worry about getting high blood pressure. On top of everything I feel immense shame for being unable to manage what others seem to be doing with no/some effort. I am 44 and now going through a painful mid life crisis of sorts and feel really sad at times thinking of what I could accomplish in my remaining life if I were simply more efficient at my work. I have tried a few other things and don’t think changing careers is an option for me at least in the next 2-3 years

Has anyone faced this? I will be grateful for any advice

This is one of the reasons I work from the office even when I could work from home, much easier to separate work and home, less to distract you, also if you're in the office and just scrolling through your phone people will see and most people care to some extent about their professional reputation. Is that an option for you?

I spent much of my life like this, in a similarly demanding profession, I am better now (at 50), but still prone to distraction. Here are a few thoughts:

Do not give yourself a hard time, you are who you are, and we all have strengths and weaknesses. One of the things that is better now than 30 years ago is that we acknowledge this.

It may well be this work environment is not the best one for you.

Find out about ADHD - you can get a diagnoses if you want, but just knowing how to manage yourself better will help. If you do want to go down the diagnoses route their are effective drugs, although not everyone can take them and they can have side effects. You might find a specialist executive coach who could help.

Think about how you could pivot your career to something that would suit you better. A career coach can help.

@Mabelface

For some reason I can’t PM you, but can I ask where you got your diagnoses, I am thinking that I should go ahead and do it. Thank you

From someone functioning exactly like OP I can confirm this is ADHD through and through. Ridiculous workloads will make symptoms worse, but I wouldn't rush to change workplace because with ADHD things are either too boring and you can't be bothered to perform or things are too much and trigger your anxiety so you still can't perform, there is no in between, and you can't win. If you know you are competent, stay where you are and try to manage your symptoms with coping strategies and/or medication. I know my performance is inconsistent but I also know that overall I am qualified, competent and do more than an average colleague due to hyper-focussing at times so I try to pace myself to avoid burnout and try to time these insane hyperfocus times when they are actually needed whilst getting on with hoovering during calmer times. Lots of creative people have ADHD and achieve huge successes by being self aware and working in sync with their productivity cycle rather than 9 to 5.

www.amazon.co.uk/Driven-Distraction-Recognizing-Attention-Childhood/dp/0684801280

This is me. I also have a senior, stressful job with a fast pace. I find I need to make lists, not because I forget to do things but because seeing it on the list helps me focus and crossing stuff off alleviates the anxiety brought on by faffing and wasting time on distractive activities.

it’s actually worse when I’m not busy. Right now I have a manic workload so long lists and lots of tasks satisfyingly ticked off, but when I have less to do I find it hard to get around to stuff and take twice as long to complete tasks.

I’ve never actually thought of ADHD, but some of it does fit. I’m a chronic multitasker, eg. I will watch telly but at the same time play candy crush on my phone. In online meetings I do this too (the camera off ones), I will be participating, listening and commenting meaningfully while playing something mindless in my phone or scrolling through the paper. I can focus, and when I do I get loads done, but I really need to force myself. I work to a lot of deadlines, but I’m frequently right up at the deadline with what needs doing, yet when delegating to others I can put in place a proper plan and stay on top of it.

This. I faced it until I got the ADHD diagnosis about 2 years ago. It's not been a problem since.

I found this podcast from Feel Better very interesting about attention and what takes it away:

podcasts.apple.com/gb/podcast/228-johann-hari-on-how-to-reclaim-your-attention/id1333552422?i=1000547609183 (available on other platforms too)

I'm very like this myself but what works for me is reminding myself, so are probably a good percentage of the people I work with. And I hate causing other people discomfort more than I like procrastinating!
Presumably you are profession and mask well but reading your Op maybe some people are nervous about working with you because they are like you, and your procrastinating gives them stress and impacts how they need to manage their own jobs and mental health?

So really - guilt basically is what works for me.

But on a more practical front
Lists help - like PP I like to tick off lots of smaller jobs.
Setting personal deadlines - so committing to a colleague a draft in advance of final versions keeps me on track because the draft becomes the new deadline
Mini rewards - if I do this, then I can have that or do that

Maybe you just don’t really want to do the work? Our minds never seem to distract us from doing things we do want to do.

Do you enjoy your job?

I definitely struggle a lot with some executive function elements such as self regulation and emotion management. I don’t think it’s perimenopause or depression though I do have a tendency to be sad. I can tear up easily at the smallest emotional thing. The more I think and hear people on this thread (thanks again everyone) it seems I should get an adhd assessment asap.

On one hand, if you have ADHD Management consulting is a good fit as you are always facing new challenges and problems so it rarely gets routine. And given you've made it to 44 and you're still there means you must be doing a good enough job. I think it's also hard because you must work with some very capable very focused people who can have a tendency to make even the most robust talented person feel inadequate. Has the problem got worse with remote working? It just doesn't suit some people - too many distractions at home, for other people they feel the office is too distracting but it is a constant struggle trying to find the secret of focus. It must be tough though filling out that timesheet and seeing how many hours you've frittered away - at least in industry your efficiency wouldn't always be on show quite so much and no one needs to fill in a timesheet.
Why can't you move for 2 -3 years? I find noise-cancelling ear phones give me space to focus - I don't play music, I just have a very dead silence, it almost feels monastic that and lists - when I can apply myself to use them..