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Major childcare breakdown! Had to miss start of the meeting that I really couldn't miss!

14 replies

OrmIrian · 07/02/2008 12:54

DD told me she felt sick this morning. But as she ate some breakfast and seemed quite perky I assumed it was a ploy for a sofa day and made her go to school. An hour later I haad a call from school telling me that she was ill - very hot and feeling sick. I was due to go into a meeting with someone who had travelled a long way to see me and who wasn't available again for a few weeks. And I'd had plenty of notice. Tried my parents - no answer. DH 2 hours away and without his own vehicle. Neighbour who sometimes helps not answering phone. So I picked her up and took her home. Eventually my mum came (she'd had to leave her painting class to manage it) to sit with DD. But I was over an hour late. It was OK in the end but my stress levels were sky high and my manager was not impressed. As if working part-time isn't enough to make you beneath contempt sometimes

But what can you do? Under normal circs I'd work from home but obviously it wasn't appropriate. DH is self-employed so he can get time off but no good calling him when he's already left because he's often miles away and not driving himself. GPs are fantastic but have their own lives and are sometimes busy. Neighbours are lovely but ditto. What else can I do? Does anyone else have an if-all-else-fails solution in times like this? Apart from taking time off themselves?

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VanillaPumpkin · 07/02/2008 13:05

Oh poor you. This is a HUGE factor in my putting off going back to work. I am rubbish at asking people to do things at the best of times. Will watch with interest. We have no family close at the moment and I think I will have to move back to where they are before I go back to work. Everyone I know who works relies heavily on family.

rookiemater · 07/02/2008 15:05

Oh thats a real bummer OrmIrian.

I'm currently home because the Cm was sick and phoned me up at lunchtime, to be fair she is hardly hever sick and looked a bit peaky when I dropped DS off and as I didn't have any major meetings on and have some toil time built up I did tell her to call me if she wasn't feeling any better.

I don't know what to suggest as I think on this occasion you were just incredibly unlucky and thats why companies have emergency leave policies, next time just say that your boiler exploded and your floor has fallen in. Do you think that being part time is making your manager think less of you ?

OrmIrian · 07/02/2008 15:09

Not my manager rookie. He gets a bit fed up when this sort of thing happens but he's basically a good guy. He does understand. But there are no other employees on my sort of level who work part-time and/or work from home. He knows how important I am but he has to keep fighting my corner for me I think with the higher levels (massive restructure here recently). And I deal with the low level sniping from some of my colleagues.

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rookiemater · 07/02/2008 15:15

Oh I know what you mean, when I left today I felt that my team had a bit of a sniffy attitude about it.

But I just try to be flexible when I am in, I often come in earlier for meetings and have travelled to stuff on my day off, so I think as long as it is quid pro quo, and you are doing a good job then they can't say a lot. Really annoys me though when the childless person in our office gets total understanding when her boiler/car/tv packs in and she takes a day off, yet I get a wee bit of attitude for a genuine child care emergency. We have an emergency leave policy which says that your manager should give up to one day paid leave without you having to use your holidays that I will wave under her nose if its ever required I try to be really fair to my team if they need time off for emergencies so expect them to understand my requirements.

SydneyB · 07/02/2008 15:20

Orm - I really really feel for you. I am in exactly the same boat. There's no-one who can step in when DD needs collecting from nursery. It's either me or DH, depending on who went last and who has important meetings. The only thing you can do is accept the situation and just get on with it. Stressing about how your employer is taking it isn't going to do any good. I've been back at work about 7 months and have had at least one day in every 2 weeks off to look after DD. I feel so guilty but what am I going to do? We both need to work to pay the mortgage.

SydneyB · 07/02/2008 15:22

And agree with Rookie - I make up the time where I can in the evenings and on my day off. I know I am doing a good job and I know it's not the hours you're in the office that count but the work you produce. Its damn tough though sometimes and just silly. Sometimes I look around our office and see the young 'uns collapsed on their keyboards with cracking hangovers (good for them!) when I am working as hard as I can to get everything done before rushing off to collect DD from nursery!

OrmIrian · 07/02/2008 15:25

The really odd thing is that I've been a working mother for nearly 11 years now. With just maternity leave off in between. And I was full-time until 2003 when I went back to work after no 3. And in all that time I had a handful of days off for childcare reasons. And suddenly in the last few months they haven't stopped being ill! Coinciding with a period of endless meeting and huge deadline pressures. I reckon my stress is getting to them!

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OrmIrian · 07/02/2008 15:26

I have been known to be programming at 11am when I can hardly keep my eyes open. And I make damn sure I e-mail all and sundry at that time to let them know

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RubySlippers · 07/02/2008 15:29

there is no fail safe, and i do sympathise with you. DH is often in town so cannot get away and my MIL works it is a toughie

i once had to leave a big meeting (11 of us) because DS had been rushed to hospital

i sat there for about 10 mins before saying "i am so sorry but i have to go"

the sniping is crappy though ... hope your pulse rate has returned to normal now

Lazycow · 07/02/2008 15:30

www.emergencychildcare.co.uk/how-it-works/how-emergencychildcare-works.html

Incredibly expensive and you do need 4 hours notice (once you have registered) so may not have been appropriate in this case but I am registered and have their number in my mobile. Ideally I prefer to use someone I know and haven't used them yet but our back up options are so limited I have this as an emergency option

RubySlippers · 07/02/2008 15:32

lazy - thanks for that link

am going to have a look at that

ApuskiDusky · 07/02/2008 15:56

Just wanted to say that I bet you are role models for other people around you, who look at you and think "maybe I can have a family and be good at my job". You just may not know it, but I bet its there as much as the sniping!

Anchovy · 07/02/2008 16:16

TBH, I think its all about how you deal with it. I remember reading in a Libby Purves book that no childcare options are bulletproof, and I think that is right - there will always be a day when your DH isn't around (mine is good in emergencies - assuming he is in the country), GPs are off doing their own thing etc. I found accepting that quite helpful.

I think you deal with it exactly as you did. You sort out the problem, find a solution, and get back there. You apologise but don't make a song and dance of it. You make up any other work later or from home. That is a world away from the person who has no back up options at all, and takes the piss by taking as much time as possible while playing the "I'm a working mother" card, and who when they are "working from home" are neever available and have little visible output. Everyone knows the difference between those two different types.

OrmIrian · 08/02/2008 10:59

Nice of you to say apuskidusky. Thankyou. Rolemodelhood isn't normally something I'd ever associate with myself

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