Looking for some thoughts from those who have worked in social/academic/market research.

I am 49 with two MScs and a PhD, all completed as a mature student. The second MSc is in Social Research Methods from a respected institution and it was part of an ESRC 1+3 scholarship which also funded the PhD. The PhD I completed in 2017. I didn't enjoy the PhD - I guess it was the isolation and lack of structure, but I did pass with no corrections. The mistake I made I think was to become very interdisciplinary - I probably would have been happier if I'd stayed in my home discipline of Psychology, but I am broadly interested in policy stuff so it is what it is. I did quantitative research, despite having no talent for maths. I can handle the conceptual side of statistics so I lumbered through it on that basis, often while feeling highly anxious. I became familiar with SPSS and even more with Stata for inferential statistics.

During the PhD I did some ad-hoc part-time work for a small market research company specialising in the UK education sector. A lot of this work was basic desk research or helping to facilitate focus groups, usually by filming them and taking notes, so in a sense it was more like (classy) admin work. I liked that work, and it broke up the weeks and kept me in the labour market while still doing a funded PhD.

Then in the final year of my PhD and for two years after it (until 2019) I had a job based at my research institution. It was for a small NGO which was based at the institution so it was a curious mix of academic and sort of operational research, focusing on hospital hygiene in low-income countries. I felt extremely out of place in this job, but from time to time I was genuinely useful in being able to analyse psychological data about social norms around hygiene; and devising questionnaires to test hygiene attitudes and knowledge in nurses. Nevertheless I had a constant sense of being a charlatan as this wasn't really my area of interest, and I had really got the job through the back door and had taken it because I had really needed the money when my PhD funding ended. This job was a fixed-term contract and at the end of it in 2019 I decided to bow out of academia as I prefer better work-life balance.

Then in 2019 I took a job as a Research Analyst looking at data related to the UK education sector, which is an area of interest. All the data we worked with actually came from a giant database which we, a private organisation, hosted. Therefore there was no data gathering involved, only analysis and reporting. Aspects of the job which I enjoyed included helping my boss with inferential statistics interpretation where I had more experience than her; doing very structured analysis in Excel to produce reports for our subscribers; compiling bespoke analysis and reporting for our subscribers. I was actually pretty happy in that job... until lockdown. The moment I started WFH, all my insecurities and imposter syndrome came to the fore, exacerbated by isolation. I live alone, I'm single, I don't have family, I don't have pets. Working in an office I would usually temper my inherent, native anxiety by talking to people and asking for their advice on things. But suddenly my boss was home schooling and was not there to ask for advice. At the same time I was suddenly told to lead a prestigious project for the government using SQL to extract data from our database. I had not used SQL before, but they got our techy guy to teach in an ad-hoc way to me and my boss. For some reason (extreme anxiety and isolation I guess) I could not learn SQL as fast as I wanted. In the end I bought for £15 some SQL course from Udemy just so I could teach myself at home to supplement the rather threadbare training at work. Anyway, on this prestigious SQL project I fell apart. I was so slow and anxious in doing everything I was put on performance management. Occupational Health got me a therapist; and I ended up paying for a second therapist for myself as well. I did end up delivering the project (albeit with an extended deadline) but ultimately I felt I was a drain on the team, and so in April 2021 I resigned from the job and worked a three-month notice period until July 2021.

I have never had such a breakdown at work before now - even though I am naturally very anxious I've always been able to deliver in some way and guard my reputation, but in this case it was a complete meltdown. Suicidal thoughts for weeks, antidepressants, the lot. It was the right thing to resign. Even now I'm not sure what happened. I think it was the isolation, and also I found it hard to concentrate on the SQL. I could do it, but it wasn't exactly investigative in the same way that inferential statistics are.

So then in September 2021 I started working for a large research organisation as a part-time telephone interviewer. I took this job because if I am WFH, then I prefer more people contact. I know that I like thinking on my feet and that I'm a strong communicator. I'm a better communicator than I am an analyst. So there I am to this day, at the coal face of this research organisation. The work is repetitive, sometimes soul-destroying (people not wanting to help with the research), and yet when I actually get the chance to interview people I do feel a state of flow. So even though it's a terrible job (very low pay) and I have research skills and experience that my employers are completely unaware of, there is something about the work that I like. I guess the people contact and the fact that a lot of the work relates to UK policy. I am looked upon as an above-average performer in this role.

The only other work I have done apart from this recently is some work for a small research consultancy working in the charity sector, which needed a few freelance researchers to gather data on certain charities in order that they could be assessed on certain criteria. That work was well paid and it used my attention to detail. I loved working for this organisation as intellectually it was at a good level for me (although they said I only really needed a Masters to do it), and the work was very structured. But that organisation does not have enough work available throughout the year for me to have it as a primary income stream.

So now here I am, actually with 10 years' research experience on my CV, plus a Research Methods MSc and a PhD. On one hand I'm highly skilled... but on the other hand I've never gone for promotion or wanted to climb a ladder. I really do need to earn more money than I am currently managing to do as a telephone interviewer. I am not especially career-minded. I don't seem to be motivated by climbing the ladder anywhere. For about a decade I have wondered if I have ASD (long story), but I'm not always sure I would pass the diagnostic threshold. Mind you, two close friends who each have an autism diagnosis have said they think I am autistic. So perhaps awareness of these personality traits of mine needs to feed my decision-making.

So now I find myself with the following dilemma. Given that the telephone interviewing job earns me only poverty wages, I need to earn more money (there is a mortgage to feed). Recently I have been brushing up on my statistical knowledge and have enjoyed it; and I've also been teaching myself R and have enjoyed that. I've recently joined the Social Research Association and I might do some of their short courses and workshops to brush up certain skills.

Which of the following should I do?

a) somehow try to get ad-hoc freelance work as a social researcher from 1) the organisation I currently work for as a telephone interviewer (geography means I wouldn't be able to apply for actual jobs at their office), 2) the small research organisation I did ad-hoc stuff for during my PhD, 3) the organisation that I did the recent freelancing for (though they don't have much work). The issue here is that I don't know if I really have the credentials to be a freelancer. Do organisations need people like me to be a freelancer, or are freelancers a different sort of breed to me, who have already held high-up positions in organisations? And of course would I be able to get enough work or market myself, etc.? I have really enjoyed doing the freelance work for organisations 2) and 3) mentioned above, but that doesn't mean that the world is full of organisations that need me to freelance for them.

b) try to get a proper job as a social researcher for an organisation. Geography could limit this a bit but if I could mostly WFH it might be alright. I'm not very good at pretending to want to climb the ladder though so I don't know how convincing I would be in joining an organisation and taking on its values. Also I'd have to explain my meltdown and resignation in the job using SQL... I could kind of say it was lockdown, but I have some shame around the experience.

c) Just get out of research and do something that uses my communication skills and long-held interest in psychology. This sounds fun but I would hope that I could use my brain a bit. I would get frustrated in a job where I couldn't use my brain at all, and that is a concern if I dump research completely, although I am aware that there are many non-research jobs populated by very bright people!

Aaarrrgghhh I am so sorry that this is so long, but I needed to describe where I find myself.

I will understand if noone reads or responds to this - have a lovely evening whatever you decide to do! xxx