Long story short ish.
I have worked for a company for over 10 years. Last year I fell pregnant and have been on Maternity.
I have had absolutely zero contact with anyone from work, including my line manager since I left. Last week was a KIT day and was actually a really positive meeting with my LM
My RTW date was set at the 29th Jan (which my LM didn't actually realise until the end of the meeting).
LM messaged me again asking to meet this week to dicuss the return. We met, I had a schedule of shift requirements to fit childcare etc, I asked for recent business reports, current team structure etc.
I was told that upon my RTW there would be a meeting investigating a 14 page allegation (various things) that a junior employee put in against me after I'd gone on mat leave. This person no longer works for the company.
LM revelation blind sided me, my departure to MAT leave was fraught with anxiety as I was not receiving the support or help required (think working above and beyond 90 hour weeks over shift work whilst 8 months pregnant). Anyway
Personal backstory is I suffered extreme PND after the birth of my DC and it's taken me a lot of work to feel able to RtW. The date set is not the end of my full year as I want to get back and at it. Well I did, until this.
Since this meeting, I have been suffering horrendously with anxiety. Anxiety around my job and what awaits me, anxiety that the some of the team I once managed have had time to gather their stories against me if they had someone goading them, anxiety has doubled down about my DC and I now spend my nights lying awake plagued by intrusive thoughts that are genuinely terrifying me.
What do I do here? My DH suggested sick, but wouldn't they jst put me back to mat leave? And it doesn't actually solve the issue of this investigation pending.
A friend suggested a grievance against my LM as they shouldn't have raised the grievance or some of the information in it whilst I was off, although I feel my LM might have just been trying to give me a heads up. But it's absolutely crushed me. The person who has put in the allegations wanted to take my role as my mat cover and I did actively tell my LM he wouldn't be a good fit
I personally feel LM might be pushing for a non return from me, they weren't expecting me back yet (despite me giving more than 8 weeks notice) and is hoping this nudge would keep me off. I didn't want to leave but now I'm literally obsessing over what is going to happen..if I show up to work and get suspended, I'll have disciplinary on my record which surely puts me on a back foot to find something else?
My brain is just a wreck right now and I'm really struggling. Any advice from anyone? Thank you if you made it this far.