Struggling at work after maternity leave

[Strugglingatworkmum]

I'm back to work after 9 months and really struggling. I won't say what I'm doing as it would be outing but it's a stressful city job and most employees are men, so I'm probably the first ever person who went on maternity leave.
I'm a got promoted days after my baby was born and was really good at my job but now I'm having one awful meeting after the other, where my work isn't anywhere near what it's supposed to look like. Everyone is nice and making a lot of effort to support and I have a DH who is at home taking care of our baby (I'm WFH too) so I feel really lucky at that front but why can't I perform like I used to. I can't stop insulting myself in my head. Feels horrible, I feel like this alien organism in this organisation where I used to feel I belonged to. Please help I can't stop crying 😪

The first few weeks are tough!

How long have you been back?

Right before Christmas but we started work fully last week

Do you have to work from home? I found it really useful working in the office when I returned after maternity leave because I felt like I was leaving one persona at home and putting another on at work. Sorry you’re finding it tough, sounds like it’s early days though so don’t be too hard on yourself.

I went back to work & cried the first time left DC. But for me going into the office helped as I would as @Fleabigg said - leave home behind for a while and get back into the swing of things - also being able to have adult colleagues to speak to I enjoyed that knowing that once I got home that bit was over for the day . For me that helped. Personally I think WFH would not have helped me as I would always have an ear out for baby. Emergencies and sensible things aside I could work knowing DC was well taken care of and being in a different environment helped. It did change my priorities so eg staying later was not a priority . I suspect that cost me something in promotions etc but it worked for me.

You do not need to insult yourself for going back to work - but if you try to rationalise that and after a time you can't ( it's early days ) then you will have to make a choice I think . But I wish you well & if you can give it a bit of time. I do think however WFH can be a curse or a blessing. It depends on the circumstances

Basilisk x

Thank you so much all. Today was a better day. We don't have a stable office anymore post pandemic but I will try and be disciplined with keeping my door shut. Feeling a bit better thanks to your responses ❤️