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Original poster

Is this normal behaviour for a manager?

30 replies

Beesandhoney123 · 17/01/2023 22:51

Manager is under a lot of pressure but today sent email accusing me of doing something i havent done, reallly aggressive and rude, and ordered that no one respond and waste his time. I can't even reply and ask what on earth he means because I'm a bit scared of him now. He's recently promoted which fully support but he seems to think managers should be nasty.

How can I defend myself if not allowed to? Just ignore but then looks like agreeing with him! I've never been treated like this, and I've worked for some corporate psychos over the years.

OP posts:
howdowedeal · 17/01/2023 22:53

You can absolutely stand up for yourself.

Original poster
Beesandhoney123 · 17/01/2023 23:10

I dont think I can as manager also wrote he doesn't want to be argued with or disagreed with. If I say he has made a mistake he will burst. I do stick up for myself usually but I've never been in this situation and not quite sure what to do.

OP posts:
Christmaspyjamas · 17/01/2023 23:13

You have every right to stick up for yourself. He's just a junior manager.

You could acknowledge his request explain why you feel.the need to respond and that you felt it better to speak to him than go to HR.

Also suggest the two of you meet with his manager to discuss both sides.

Caving to bullies never works.

Nanatokidsdogshampsters · 17/01/2023 23:13

HR, you are allowed to stand up for yourself.

WalkingThroughTreacle · 17/01/2023 23:14

It's bullying and aggressive. Normal? If you tolerate it then it will become normal. Keep a copy of the email somewhere safe for starter (e.g. forward it to your personal email). Then I'd personally be having a chat with his line manager.

Emmamoo89 · 17/01/2023 23:14

Definitely stand up for yourself

BasiliskStare · 17/01/2023 23:16

Could you just lay out the facts in a way which is not confrontational but you have on record

Aquamarine1029 · 17/01/2023 23:18

Fucking hell, I would push back SO hard on this. Like hell would I allow this twat to bully me.

QueSyrahSyrah · 17/01/2023 23:19

He's being aggressive and bullying, so you fly straight over his head. I'm a manager and god forbid I'd ever made any of my team feel bullied or threatened I'd expect them to go directly to my Manager (and so would he).

ANiceBigCupOfTea · 17/01/2023 23:21

Who is above him? Do you have a site operations manager?
Go and speak to them. You should never ever be made to feel bullied or intimated at work and I say this as a manager in a very busy industry. We all have bad days but we don't take them out on eachother. If he's under a lot of stress that he needs to deal with that, and reporting up the way will help him get that support as well as prevent you from being made to feel miserable, bullied or intimidated.

itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 23:22

What exactly was said in the email?

i would reply and CC his manager or another manager, depending on what I’m being accused of.

BasiliskStare · 17/01/2023 23:24

& yes keep his email - I once had a bully for a manager. Oh how I wish I had kept notes and emails & spoken to Hr earlier. Memo to younger self

IneedcoffeeinanIV · 17/01/2023 23:25

I have had something similar with a previous manager. I decided to stick up for myself, he was off with me then on but I much preferred that than feeling like I'd let someone talk down to me for absolutely no reason. Do what feels right

Original poster
Beesandhoney123 · 17/01/2023 23:25

I'm dithering what to because it's a family business, ( I'm not family) and I can't see a good outcome if I go to his parents. In the end, they want him there.

There is no hr, and it's all been fine until he was promoted and its gone to his head. He doesn't understand my role, has to learn it, and regularly tells me he hates people whom do my job. Charming.

I try not to take his tantrums personally but this is stepping over the line to me.

Bugger, as I love my job but he has just sucked all the joy out of it today.

OP posts:
Greenshake · 17/01/2023 23:28

Unfortunately, you either front this up now or consign yourself to a career dominated by this person’s bad attitude.

itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 23:30

What has he accused you of though? You’re being too vague for decent advice. All I can say is start looking for new roles as this won’t get better.

Original poster
Beesandhoney123 · 17/01/2023 23:36

Oh, he accused me of not doing a report, but the report was all done and waiting for review. He won't apologise. Yes you are right, life is too short and it won't get better. He can't be bothered to be polite which is not a good sign.

OP posts:
itswednesdayy · 17/01/2023 23:38

Did you ever email him the report? If so, I would just forward it to him. Don’t let him make you look sloppy in front of others

DontMakeMeShushYou · 17/01/2023 23:41

You have to deal with this now and head on. I would reply and say something along the lines of "I enjoy my job here and pride myself on being very good at it, but I will not stand to be accused of things I haven't done and I will not tolerate being spoken to in this unprofessional manner. I am happy to discuss this further. Please let me know when would be convenient."

If you don't get a satisfactory outcome, go straight to his boss (parents) saying that you have tried to resolve this matter but it hasn't been possible so you now need to take it higher.

Don't just put up with it.

Iwanttoslowdown · 17/01/2023 23:46

Use this as your test case to stand up for yourself whilst looking for another job. He won’t get any better. But you can learn how to be assertive and maintain boundaries in the workplace. Start looking up the language around workplace bullying, log EVERYTHING. Have some fun with this dickhead then get the Fluckface out of there.

Pantsomime · 17/01/2023 23:53

You have to stand up for yourself or he will walk all over you and you’ll leave anyway- respond and cc his manager/ parent - as it’s family you need to start job hunting as it sounds like they could just overlook his behaviour

larchforest · 17/01/2023 23:54

Beesandhoney123 · 17/01/2023 23:36

Oh, he accused me of not doing a report, but the report was all done and waiting for review. He won't apologise. Yes you are right, life is too short and it won't get better. He can't be bothered to be polite which is not a good sign.

Who was supposed to be reviewing the report - did they know it was completed and awaiting their review? And would it have been him doing it, or someone else?

DuplicateUserName · 18/01/2023 00:00

Being told not to respond, does not mean you cannot respond. You're a grown adult, don't let him treat you like a child.

Respond and explain your position on it calmly. Also, keep copies of the emails and any replies as evidence in case you need it in the future.

If you haven't joined a union already, join one now.

DontMakeMeShushYou · 18/01/2023 00:01

larchforest · 17/01/2023 23:54

Who was supposed to be reviewing the report - did they know it was completed and awaiting their review? And would it have been him doing it, or someone else?

Show quote history

None of that is really relevant though. Regardless of who was reviewing the report and whether they knew, there is no excuse for him not to have asked whether it was complete and no excuse to be rude.

AlwaysAReason · 18/01/2023 00:12

No its not.
Reply to his email, cc either his manager/HR/whoever is appropriate and suggest that you meet to discuss this further as you dispute his version of events and want to clarify.

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