Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Promotion and Mental Health

10 replies

Neonbug · 17/01/2023 20:47

Hi everyone,

Just after a little bit of advice, I’ve worked in my team within the NHS for around 18 months and in December I was interviewed for and offered a managers job in the same team.

Just before Christmas we had a death in the family and I ended up getting upset at work when I heard and was crying. I got sent home (it was a Friday) and returned to work the following week as normal and nothing has been mentioned since.

Yesterday was my first day in my new role and I was immediately called to a meeting by my new line manager where she asked me if I was sure I wanted this job as she was aware of my “mental health struggles” and that I was a sent home from work in December. She said that managers “need to be strong” and “cope with difficult situations” and she isn’t sure this is best fit for me if I can’t even cope mentally with my old role. I confirmed that I did want this role and was sure I could meet the requirements of the post but she ended the meeting by saying I should “think carefully about my decision” and she would catch up with me next week when when she is back from leave.

The meeting has thrown me and has made me feel like she doesn’t want me in the position. I’m obviously keen to do a good job but this line of questioning has knocked my confidence completely. This is my first management role so I’m not sure if this is an appropriate meeting to have which has came from a place of genuine concern and I’m just being over sensitive? I’ve had good references and no previous performance problems. Admittedly I do suffer from anxiety and depression but I’m on medication for this and it has not impacted my performance at work.

Any advice for moving forward would be great

OP posts:
Conkered · 17/01/2023 21:12

Geez that sounds awful to me! I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't believe anyone should be expected not to be upset on hearing about the death of a family member. You weren't having mental health struggles, you were bereaved. Did you have much time off?

Not sure I have any brilliant advice other than to think carefully about whether you want to work for someone so insensitive and judgemental, rather than doubt your skills! Perhaps chat it over with ACAS or your union?

Doyouthinktheyknow · 17/01/2023 21:26

Well that’s not very supportive is it!

I would not be happy at all, that is certainly not what you would expect from your manager.

You were bereaved, it’s human to be upset.

Was your new manager involved in your recruitment?

I mean ultimately you have the job and I would just do a blinding job at it as a silent fuck you😳 And keep an eye out for something else just in case don’t like it. Whoever encouraged you to apply and interviewed you believed you could do it so go for it!

And sorry for your loss.

Neonbug · 17/01/2023 21:39

Not much time at all, I found out about lunch time on a Friday, got sent home and I was back at work on the Monday. I did have a day off for the funeral too but used annual leave for this.

She wasn’t on the interview panel due to being off sick so I did wonder whether this was playing a part in it. I don’t really know her well at all as she only started in November then went off sick shortly after and only came back on the 3rd January so I wasn’t really sure how to interpret the meeting given I’ve had very little interaction with her.

I am in a union so I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to speak to them. Thank you both, I wasn’t sure if I was being a bit over dramatic about the whole thing because of my new job jitters!

OP posts:
Conkered · 17/01/2023 22:23

Yes, agree with the doing a blinding job as a silent fuck you! Grin

How close were you with your previous manager? Could you approach them for a bit of informal support?

Conkered · 17/01/2023 22:25

And I'd keep a diary and document anything else the new manager says or does that makes you doubt yourself.

Veryverycalmnow · 17/01/2023 22:29

I'd imagine saying to her, 'oh it's such a shame about your own health struggles- you weren't even there to interview me!' Then move on, accept that unfortunately people mix up having a normal human reaction with 'mental health issues' and then do a cracking job. You're going to be great, don't let this 1 person undermine you.

Veryverycalmnow · 17/01/2023 22:32

I also have had anxiety and depression that is treated with medication and I did have counselling and I would definitely not let anyone say that made a difference to my ability to do my job. You've perhaps had to overcome more hurdles and you've made it to a good position, so well done and don't let anyone knock you down.

Conkered · 17/01/2023 22:36

Quite possibly a bit of projection going on there too. Obviously not sure what her health issues are but maybe she's anxious herself that you're both a bit vulnerable- not fair to lump that all on you though. Just calmly reassure her your bereavement was a normal reaction, hasn't affected your mental health and get on and show your worth.

Highonpower · 17/01/2023 23:27

Sorry for your loss.
Being devil’s advocate - some anxiety and depression is triggered by work stress but also the case that work really helps some people’s mental health. Only you know your triggers and if work stress is one of them you need to figure out a way to manage that stress, without becoming Ill . Weird first meeting though, I think you’re right to question what the intention was.
Good luck with the new job.

Scienceadvisory · 18/01/2023 16:03

Did you point out to her that it wasn't mental health struggles but an initial response to a bereavement? If not then just inform her.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread