Anxiety after meeting -working Mum

[lemontree27]

I had a meeting yesterday that made me feel very uncomfortable and upset
I am back after my maternity leave and currently do 3 days a week due to childcare (no family or friends around)
The workload is overwhelming so I would often do a bit of extra time from home (unpaid and never acknowledged by my manager)
I was asked yesterday to attend a meeting and when I said I would have to live at certain time (agreed in my contact) to pick my child from the nursery I saw my manager rolling her eyes and she said in front of everyone that "we" should be making more effort at work - she tried to kind of embarrass me that I need to pick up my child. She is mother herself
I often don't worry about things like that but I couldn't calm down last night, couldn't sleep

• leave work

Unacceptable. Those are your agreed, contracted hours so no need for her eye rolling or comments.

I'd suggest speaking to her about, then if you're not happy with the outcome then go to HR.

Hope you have a better day today!

You do the right thing by speaking up and saying you would be leaving at X time. Do not apologise, just state it as fact.

Are your meetings not scheduled with end times? I can imagine open ended meetings being stressful if they run on. Collecting your DC is a non-negotiable, stand firm, start as you mean to go on and everyone will accept it.

i stopped giving anyone reasons why. So if I had to take an afternoon as holiday because of something to do with my child I would just say “sorry I am not available”, if I had to leave a meeting for childcare I would just say at the beginning “just to let you know, I have another commitment following this so I need to leave on time” (or use the horrifoc phrase “I have a hard stop at x time”.

People can’t make work appointments or need to leave on time for lots of reasons - if you had another work meeting to go to you wouldn’t worry or be overly apologetic…

Can you speak to HR? They should be aware of this.

Thank you @MissMogwai @Mamette @Glwysen for your replies
I was so stressed / overwhelmed last night I nearly had a panic attack (never happened in my life before)
I am also sleep deprived and exhausted all the time so that comment really hurt me as I often work in the evening when my child is asleep x

You have absolutely nothing to apologise for. Your contracted hours are stated for a reason. And your commitments to your family outside of those hours have nothing to do with work. Don’t give them explanations.

stand your ground. “ I have a prior commitment at X and as that is outside my contracted hours I will be leaving at X”

in terms of her eye rolling. If you can ignore her do but if it gets to you then tackle her. “I notice you seemed to be insinuating I wasn’t committed to my job and I’d like to know what ground you have for that suggestion pls?”

I wouldn’t hold back on mentioning that you have been doing unpaid hours and that you won’t be continuing with that so would like to look at workload.

sadly I’d also be keeping my eyes open for an alternative employer as the manager won’t change. And you may well need a bit of goodwill for child sickness etc. A flexible employer who values your time and realised you go above and beyond working overtime so is willing to cut you some slack when you need it is worth its weight in gold.

I am fuming for you.

Go and pull her up on it.
I would be polite but firm and explain its in your contract that you need to finish at that time, you need to finish at that time due to childcare, you don't appreciate the eye rolling and being made to feel small at a meeting in front of a load of people.
I would also stop doing the extra work at home.

I normally go direct to the person instead of going through HR but it depends on whether you think she might change as a result of you chatting directly with her. She deserves to get in trouble and for you to go to HR though.

Bloody workplace dinosaurs! If you need some moral support check out Pregnant Then Screwed on Instagram.

This made me so angry for you!
I hope you know this is not acceptable and you should go to HR

Sounds like they are giving you a workload that is unmanageable within you're contracted hours. Speak to HR .

Thank you everyone. I appreciate your replies they really help me to feel better xx

I am a HR Director and if an employee came to me with this I would be furious at the manager, it’s totally unacceptable and could be discriminatory too. Definitely take it further as others have said.

I work part time too and I would be very disappointed and upset by your manager’s unacceptable comments too.
Next time as others have said just say it’s outside of your paid for working hours. It is not her business what you are doing at that time, you are not contracted to work then. You should stop working extra hours.
You clearly have a high level of pride in your work which should be commended, but sometimes you have to try to remove emotion from the situation and stick with facts. I think it’s up to you if you ask her for a conversation to put your points across and move past this, or go straight to HR.

I'm furious for you OP. You are working above and beyond your normal hours to cope with workload which I assume is probably a full time role where you are trying to do the work in 3 days. First step is to address this issue, you should not be regularly working extra hours unpaid. Lots of us working parents do this because we feel guilty or are made to feel bad for working part time. It then just becomes the norm and expected but it is not right. Go to your manager or HR and tell them exactly what you have said here and that you will no longer be working additional hours to cope with workload.

You need to call this out now. You finish at x time, no justifying or explaining just pack up and go don't wait around for any responses. If you aren't prepared to do anything like go to HR this time and she does it again then don't think twice at that point. She's appalling. Keep a record too.

I agree with everyone else op, this is unacceptable. She should not be mentioning/insinuating anything performance related like that in front of a team, very unprofessional and also bullying behaviour. Eye rolling is completely unprofessional in a meeting as a manager. She's totally out of line. Make a log of this somewhere private at home - day time, what was said in case she continues (and log anything further that she says about this sort of thing) but agree with pp on calling her out in the ways described in the posts above.