I’m the only one she doesn’t like

[OkayWhatever]

I work in a small team and they are lovely but our Manager who is known to be catty doesn’t like me. The latest member of the team has just been recruited and once again, the Manager is all so nice to her, helpful etc., but when it comes to me she makes it clear I’m not liked.

I find it utterly difficult to cope with as I’ve never actually done anything to her.

Im thinking of leaving but need another job, how do I let her not get to me?

If it’s catty comments you probably need the ‘shine a light on it’ technique. That means not letting anything pass. Say ‘what do you mean?’ or something similar every time.
Having said that, I think you probably should leave. Good luck!

It’s very difficult for me to come back with comments as I’m just not quick enough. She makes me feel so uncomfortable I can barely talk. The others in the team know she is catty but get on with her perfectly well.
I do really enjoy the job but she puts my nerves on edge. I wish I could leave tomorrow.

I would look for another job as soon as possible and I would definitely say why I was going in my resignation letter. I'd copy in every bloody person I could think of, too.

I had this exact experience at an old job. Ironically I was the senior to the woman, although not her line manager. I couldn't say anything right around her. Everything was pounced upon. Departmental meetings were a nightmare. It's hard to explain unless you see it. Not what she said but how and when she said it.
Before meeting her I considered myself a confident and assertive person. But she was quite obviously a narcissist, which a particular hatred of me, which I didn't have the mental tools to manage.
I left after 6 months. She had been there 15 years. It wasn't worth it.

@Heartbreaktuna did you say why you were leaving?

Act like you honestly couldn't give a shit.
Even if you have to feign confidence. Just do your bit and keep your head down and if she says something catty just do something minimal that shows you aren't bothered. Shrug, roll your eyes and look blaze.
She's trying for a reaction. Dont give her one. Focus on other things and think of her as an annoying bee with a sting that you are trying to avoid and who is just a mere irritant.

Don't place importance on her either. She's trying to exert power over you to intimidate you. But she needs your consent for that. Be strong in yourself and honestly don't let her have any of your misery or insecurity.

Have you no HR to speak to? I’ve had similar things happen to me in the past and so wish I’d acted upon them instead of putting up with it.

I had this in a previous job. This woman used to put me down and be horrible to me but everyone else thought she was lovely. I did confront her and oddly she hugged me . Anyway we both ended up leaving and I bumped into an old mutual colleague who knew her really well. Apparently she was having problems with her partner so took it out on me!

She probably feels threatened by you in some way. Remember it says everything about her and whatever he reason it's about her not you x

@determinedtomakethiswork
Yes. Fortunately I had a long and supportive relationship with the board (I had managed a different uk and USA office). She was known to be toxic, but also a very high performer. I wouldn't have expected them to remove her over me given my short time at that branch.
I ended up completely changing my profession (law to accounts) and have never been happier.

You're being bullied. You don't have to do anything but stop trying to feel ok about it.

You should definitely look for another job. When you leave, if you have a HR department, you can ask for an exit interview and state your reasons, if you wish. Or not.

But don't minimise what's happening. I'm sorry this is happening to you - it is not fair or justifiable, and no good will come from trying to 'understand'.

Yes. I suppose it’s past that stage. You are being bullied as others say.

I had this op, it does grind you down considering how much of our lives we spend at work. I had a line manager who was quite nice and pleasant with me but seemingly overnight became very catty and strange, allocating help to everyone but me, isolating me and making constant strange backhanded comments about my looks and that I didn't have children.

I agree with a pp, she sort of stopped when I started to say 'what do you mean' or 'say that again' and let her comments wash over me but in the end I left. It was as if she hated me. She was a very strange and I suspect deeply insecure woman.

Has anyone else noticed and commented, it helped when I opened up to a trusted colleague and they said they had noticed and they were all apalled.

I think this is often the case. Many cases of bullying are either deflection, projection or using you as a personal scratching post. It's hard but remember, it's usually some issue of theirs.