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Original poster

Wasn't invited to the office christmas party.

30 replies

IsabelleG · 17/12/2022 22:53

So long story Short, or it m8ght be really long..
I work part time office job, went on maternity leave for pretty much all of 2020 during the pandemic. Obviously the staff was allowed to wfh during this period.

Anyways, when my maternity leave ended, I was allowed to wfh due to covid and other various reasons like childcare.. and my boss still hasn't demanded I come back into the office.

But ever since this, I feel so neglected at work. I never get any staff emails anymore so have no idea what's happening..no info on team building activities etc.

And this year I haven't even been invited to the Christmas party! It's making me feel very down as it would've been nice to get out and have some fun and meet colleagues.

OP posts:
Dacadactyl · 17/12/2022 23:00

That's not very nice of them and I'd be annoyed. I would email the boss and ask why you weren't invited.

Did you say you were worried about Covid and that's why you didn't want to go back to the office? Maybe they genuinely thought you wouldn't want to go, although they should have still invited you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 17/12/2022 23:02

It sounds to me like you need to get back to some office working.

Addicted2LoveIsland · 17/12/2022 23:05

They should be very careful you may have a discrimination case against them

Chamaria · 17/12/2022 23:10

Ba k then it was mainly covid but also the hours we have childcare available. My boss never declined it...was told it was fine and not been told anything g else since then.

I've actually been into the office a couple of times this year.

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 17/12/2022 23:17

It was our team party yesterday. I'm on maternity leave (go back in a month) and got no invite. I didn't even get a congrats card when the baby was born. Haven't heard a word from any colleagues and my manager isn't bothering with the monthly contact, just when he can be bothered.
I'm dreading going back.

GrumpyPanda · 17/12/2022 23:22

Sounds like they simply forgot to put you back on the staff email, and the party invitation was on there as well. Why on earth haven't you had them fix the mailing list instead of just passively sitting at your home office desk? Unless you did ask and they refused, in which case you've got bigger problems than a non-invite to a Christmas party.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2022 23:29

Everyone's forgotten you because they don't see you. I really think permanent WFH is causing a lot of these kinds of social issues.

GLADragss · 17/12/2022 23:31

Last year, my team didn’t have a Christmas do. My team includes parents, strict Muslims (cannot be at venues serving certain things due to religion) and people on long term sick - the majority did not want an evening out so my manager didn’t arrange anything.

I was invited to another team’s Christmas party … it was awful as someone got assaulted so the night ended badly.

This year, individual teams are throwing their own parties, aside from my team again.

I haven’t been invited to the other team’s events although I am friends with the majority going and other non-team members have been invited. I’m not taking it to heart though as after the incident last year, I have distanced myself from the majority of colleagues and would 100% have a better night out with my friends and family, even ex-colleagues.

converseandjeans · 17/12/2022 23:34

Why don't you go in to the office? It sounds like they have forgotten about you. They perhaps think you are worried about germs so wouldn't be interested in going.

GLADragss · 17/12/2022 23:44

what effort do you make to build relationships with your colleagues btw?

you have been off work, now work part time, and have also chosen to work from home since returning. networking is a 2 way street so you do have to put in extra effort to build and maintain relationships in your situation as you won’t have that natural interaction you get whilst you’re in the office.

do you regularly see colleagues outside of work? do you speak to any of them outside of work? do you spend time getting to know them? If not, they may come to the conclusion that you’re not interested in building friendships with them and may socialise together without consciously leaving you out

WillTryNotToBeGrumpy · 17/12/2022 23:45

I can see that it's hard but you have to be realistic that the downside of working from home is that you don't build up the relationships that people working together do. It doesn't sound like you even have a work connection with them. Maybe you need to look at integrating more with your team.

Gazelda · 17/12/2022 23:59

I'd be hurt too.

You've not spent more than a few days with colleagues for 3 years, so it's easy to understand how this has happened.

Why don't you tell your manager next time you have a 121 that you're feeling cut off from the rest of the team and you think it would benefit your work productivity to be in the office more often and to get to know team mates better.

EBearhug · 18/12/2022 00:52

You've not spent more than a few days with colleagues for 3 years, so it's easy to understand how this has happened.

Is it? Part of the point of Christmas do's is team-building and this year will be the first in-person do for most people since before covid. We had our department Christmas meal Friday, and we invited everyone in the org chart based in the UK (much as I'd love to see my Dutch and German colleagues, that's not possible.) Some of us were quite relieved when one person said they couldn't make it, but it was absolutely right that they were invited. Some of our workers are remote - one guy travelled a couple of hundred miles and stayed over. Others came some way, despite train strikes.

You should definitely bring it up with your manager and make sure you're on relevant distros. If you are being deliberately excluded, that could be bullying. If it's an oversight, it's poor management; they should be ensuring remote workers are included in things.

You can't change what's happened, but you can make sure basic admin is in place so you're included next time.

GLADragss · 18/12/2022 01:47

Part of the point of Christmas do's is team-building and this year will be the first in-person do for most people since before covid.

Many workplaces held in-person Christmas parties last year. Covid restrictions were only in place late December 2021. Christmas parties were easily held before then. So where have you got “most people” from?

I think one thing you’re forgetting is that Christmas parties are not the only time colleagues socialise and “team-build”. There’s other work meetings/celebrations, birthdays, leaving dos, social outings etc. If OP isn’t making an effort to socialise and contribute the rest of the year, it’s odd to suddenly think Christmas will be different.

For me, when I work from home I regularly keep in touch with colleagues. I call people to catch up, take interest in their lives, am in group chats, arrange meetings, participate in team activities, cover work/support where needed etc. I would actively ask to be part of the distribution list. I would not suddenly expect to meet and have fun with colleagues for the first time at Christmas, I would be actively doing that on my own accord throughout the year.

pelargoniums · 18/12/2022 02:07

I WFH permanently, I’m part-time, and never go to the office – have met very few of my colleagues in real life. I’m also invited to all in-person team events, company days, and the Christmas party. (Not going this year as I just started maternity leave.) And I’m on all emails, have been promoted in my time there (started post-Covid), have no problems networking, etc.

This isn’t a “WFH creates problems” issue, it’s a “this company is not good at incorporating it” issue.

That said, OP – why haven’t you raised the email issue with them? If you’re not getting certain work emails, of course you’re not getting the Christmas party invitation!

SideshowAuntSallly · 18/12/2022 08:34

Why does your boss have to 'demand' you to go back to the office? You're an adult you can decide whether you go in or not. You could find out what the rest of the team are doing, how many days they do in the office. I do one day a week, sometimes two as that is what my team do and its nice to have that interaction and get out the house.

Do you actually stay in touch with anyone? That also helps. I don't think a day goes by where I'm not messaging someone or on a call with someone.

good96 · 18/12/2022 12:03

I would get legal advice on this as it seems discriminatory that they haven’t invited you to it.

serenaisaknobhead · 18/12/2022 12:19

But ever since this, I feel so neglected at work. I never get any staff emails anymore so have no idea what's happening..no info on team building activities etc.

What have you done to ensure you are not forgotten?

Survey99 · 18/12/2022 12:44

Why did you not ask what the plans were for this years office party?

Perhaps not inviting was a genuine oversight by the organiser especially if you are not visible to the rest of the team. You have a part to play in this too.

sheepdogdelight · 18/12/2022 13:06

Why didn't you ask why you weren't invited to the Christmas party if you knew about it?
Why haven't you asked about why you are not getting staff emails?

It sounds like genuine oversight (someone forgot to put you back on a mailing list when you started back). I do not understand why you wouldn't just raise it?

Also, if most of your team work in the office, then I'd start going in at least once a week. Or at least get yourself made a proper homeworker with proper arrangements about how you integrate/communicate with the team.

Quveas · 18/12/2022 16:18

good96 · 18/12/2022 12:03

I would get legal advice on this as it seems discriminatory that they haven’t invited you to it.

Seriously? IF it were discriminatory - and that is a real stretch - the the OP is obliged in law to have raised the issue internally and to use the grievance procedure before they have any potential legal case. They haven't, it seems, even mentioned any of this to their manager. And there is a really easy fix for the boss - "sorry IsabelleG, you should have mentioned that you feel isolated working from home. To be honest you haven't been in the office for pretty much three years and people have, I think, forgotten you. As of january 3rd you are working from the office again, welcome back!" You know, you have to be careful what you wish for, because sometimes you get it.

And working from home is not a protected characteristic - if there is any deliberate ommission here (and ther is no evidence there is) then it's a stretch to say that it's because of being female or a parent, when even the OP puts it down to being working from home.

The OP hasn't been in the office since early 2020, has felt left out and neglected and hasn't once questioned it or asked why they don't receive the team emails etc. They have some responsibility here too.

burnoutbabe · 18/12/2022 16:23

I can't Imagine Everyone got personalised invites to the Xmas party, it would an email to all staff asking for a yes/no and assuming all staff are on the distribution list.
If you are not getting all those all staff emails you should have raised that ages ago.

Runningintolife · 18/12/2022 16:24

You need to raise your profile or accept that this is the downside that comes with the upside of flexibility. Hurt feelings or the suggestion of complaining seems a bit of a lacking response. Just notice that work relationships need a bit of attention and make it your business to work at them.

CremeEggThief · 18/12/2022 16:34

I doubt you want to hear it as you haven't bothered to return to comment on your own thread, but you're just as much to blame for this situation as they are! It's about YOU trying to make an effort with them as much as them with you! I can't really see in your post where you show you're doing that and your behaviour on this thread indicates to me that you're not.
It works both ways and I suspect all of us who have taken the time to answer you have more or less wasted our time.

watermelonseeds · 18/12/2022 16:38

GrumpyPanda · 17/12/2022 23:22

Sounds like they simply forgot to put you back on the staff email, and the party invitation was on there as well. Why on earth haven't you had them fix the mailing list instead of just passively sitting at your home office desk? Unless you did ask and they refused, in which case you've got bigger problems than a non-invite to a Christmas party.

This.

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