For those with secondary school children...

[Lisaaas1]

Have you found your children have needed you more than when they were little? 6 months on and I'm still deciding whether to go back to work FT. I have an only child of 13 and worried about the school hols as we have no family nearby, her friends are 2 buses away so not ideal. We can manage without another FT wage but just thinking long term in terms of job prospects, pension etc...

Every family’s circumstances are obviously different, but I have found my teen needs me just as much as when they were little - but in different ways. I work part time and that way I can be around more to keep in top of what’s going on in his life, and give him a shove at homework/ revision etc.

I find that is usually deeply unpopular on mumsnet though!

Same. It’s why I have chosen a term time only job and been accused of ‘not being a grown up’ on threads like this. Holiday clubs were fine at primary age but it’s much harder for the child once they are tweens or teens.

What is your current work situation?

I run my own business from home for the most part so didn't have the same considerations regarding work.

For DS1, he glided through primary school with only minor and isolated things that really needed me to step in.

Secondary school was a different matter completely. Some horrendous racist bullying started, he really needed a lot of my time and focus.

DS2 is exceptionally bright, and also struggles significantly with organisation and planning. Where some of his friends are given leeway at school, he is given sanctions for very minor things. They don't understand why if he can get 100% in his maths and science exams he can't always find his things etc.

I've spend a long time working with him on these skills.

Thank you all. I work 3 days a week at the minute but school hours so I'm around in the morning and after school. I've tried WFH previously and whilst it works to a degree for family life it isn't for me. If I went back to work FT it would be a 830-430 position. I am sure it'll be a case of not knowing till I'm in that position. To take the risk or not?!

Yes 100% in fact there is no way I could Go back to work yet.

I have four and find that they need much more emotional support - and encouragement to do work...I think if my younger sons were left to their own devices after school, they would just sit on the Xbox and not do any schoolwork. My daughter likes to talk about everything and I have cherished the time with her after school, talking issues through. She goes to uni next year and I'm going to be bereft. I love my boys, but they aren't quite as chatty!

I worked FT until my fourth child, then had a career break, and have worked PT once they were all in secondary and I think that's worked well. It's not popular on MN, but it is what has worked for our family and our children.

I'd think an 8.30-4.30 job would be fine. Depending on your commute you'd be around for a good chunk of the after school hours anyway. The issue I find with teens is that they want to talk when they want to talk, so if they would have spoken to you when they walked through the door after school you might have missed a moment. But probably another moment will arise (mostly likely when you're trying to go to bed if your DC are like my DS).

The main issue with working full time and having teens I think is that work will leave you more tired than not working. and your teen doesn't conveniently go off to bed at 7.30 like a younger child. So if they do need support with homework/ferrying to places/someone to rant at, you sometimes just have to get on with it even if you feel exhausted.

Do you have an option of 4 days..

I do 4 days.. gives me chance to be more available doing the running around on my day off ?

I don't have much choice as I am single parent BUT I work from home and do condensed FT hours so I have one day a week off and although I am working, I am here when my youngest who is at secondary school gets home and can give him my attention if he needs it. He has been going through some emotional stuff recently so I am so glad I can be at home when he gets home if he hasn't had a good day.

Plenty of teenagers have working parents though and manage fine but it depends on what works for your family.

Could you stay part time but increase your hours? Overall I find that I have more time free now that my DC are teens, so I went from 0.5 FTE to 0.8 FTE and that seems to be working out ok. I mean I'm busy but who isn't!

No unfortunately not its a full time job 5 days a week. Its a new role and potentially a good opportunity. I don't particularly enjoy the role I do for 3 days a week as it isn't particularly challenging and the salary for 18 hours a week isn't great either. Decisions decisions!!

@lunar1 this is similar to my DS’s experience in terms of grades but poor organisation. He now has a diagnosis of ADHD which was such a relief to him and reduced what now turns out to be unfair sanctions as they were really getting him down. Have you considered this as a possibility at all?

But in answer to OP, I found DCs needed me more throughout their teens, and now in their early adulthood. I wanted to work but part time was the answer. I’ve now increased hours now they’re at uni. Try not to leave the workforce as it can be tricky to rejoin when you’re older.

My friend is an educational psychologist @Houseplantmad, and said he's probably not on the spectrum. we did wonder though, and have been considering a formal assessment. he is greatly improving after one full term in year 7, but it definitely doesn't come naturally.

My husband's parents describe him as being exactly the same as a child and he grew out of it, mostly!

OP in that case I would give it a go and see what happens. Good luck!

It’s only on MN that I hear the view that teens need more of your time and I say that as a parent of a SEN child who dropped out of school in year 9. If you bring them up to be independent you have much more free time when they are older. They get themselves dressed, get themselves to school and back, organise their own homework/ PE kits etc, can make their own breakfast/snacks etc.

I'm a lone parent and have stuck to 3 days a week. I know others who can't work FT due to their teens needing them and another who cut back to PT to be there for them.
The teen years can come with a lot of mental health baggage, bigger children = bigger problems.

Definitely. My dd is grown up yet but years 7-9 they need you more at home than when younger.