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Former boss and social awkwardness

15 replies

Pineappleskies · 15/12/2022 04:50

I recently left my job....not voluntarily.

At the time my boss was keen to assure me we'd meet up for drinks, were friends not just colleagues, and he'd help me with job applications etc

We were meant to meet Wednesday to handover laptops and passes. This has been replaced my a courier (my boss lives on the same street as me so this seems an indication he wants to avoid seeing me at all).

His final email sounded very final, ending with Good Luck.

Is it reasonable to suppose that he isn't now keen to stay in touch socially or help we with interviews etc (he is experienced and well connected)?

This is a bit hurtful but I don't think there is anything I can do. We seem certain to bump into one another. I get a distinct sense I'm getting the cold shoulder. Am I being too sensitive?

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Monty27 · 15/12/2022 04:56

It's disappointing but professionally it wouldn't sit well for him. Forget it.

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Pineappleskies · 15/12/2022 05:20

@Monty27 may I ask what you mean by wouldn't sit well with him? You mean he would look bad by being in contact with me?

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Thefriendlyone · 15/12/2022 05:25

Not voluntarily, is that code for you were fired? Were you made redundant?

he was clearly trying to be nice, but it’s time to not rely on him and find your own way forward.

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Itsthewhitehat · 15/12/2022 05:28

Depends on why you ‘left voluntarily’.

That might account for the change

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Itsthewhitehat · 15/12/2022 05:28

Sorry missed a key word ‘left NOT voluntarily’

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Pineappleskies · 15/12/2022 05:34

I had some stress associated with a work project and acted emotionally at work. The project was a big success but they made clear there was no room for emotional displays. I apologised and tried to point this was hardly characteristic but this was their decision. I've completed a week's handover very thoroughly and unemotionally. I have made my bed I guess.

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Autumnisclose · 15/12/2022 05:56

Well it must have been quite a significant outburst for you to be sacked? Given he's your boss I would assume he feels he needs to step away from you..

I think you need to assume he won't stay in touch and draw a line under it.

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LindorDoubleChoc · 15/12/2022 06:07

Goodness. I thought people had better employment rights these days. You were fired after "getting emotional". Is that the whole story?

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Itsthewhitehat · 15/12/2022 06:08

I get why it’s vague in the description, but being fired because you were emotional sounds odd.

Was it one massive out burst or consistent low level?

I would assume that someone has advised it would be best if he stepped back. That it wouldn’t look the best for him or the company to be socialising with someone they let go in such circumstances

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Thefriendlyone · 15/12/2022 11:37

That’s odd. It must have been very extreme and amounted to gross misconduct?

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MolesOnPoles · 15/12/2022 11:41

I’m in a slightly similar situation - my boss was the one who was fired. We were reasonably close, but since she left I’ve found out horrific things about how much of a bully she was behind closed doors to others.

She wants to be friends but I’m keeping my distance - partly because staying buddies with her would be awkward for me at work, partly because knowing what I know now I don’t want to be friends with her.

Not saying this is your situation, but just giving a potential other side.

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Pineappleskies · 15/12/2022 12:07

Hi. It wasn't gross misconduct. It was a very stressed person saying they couldn't cope with the pressure and crying. The full circumstances are far too personal but complex and involving issues of behaviour from others too.

I don't think anything bad has been said about me post leaving. I've had lovely messages.

I don't mind not staying in contact but given the likelihood of us bumping into each other his change of mind about collecting the laptop, which would take 60 seconds, is a bit strange and going to make any future accidental meeting more awkward I feel.

I appreciate his perspective, and your comments.

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PlaitBilledDuckyPuss · 15/12/2022 12:09

Is it reasonable to suppose that he isn't now keen to stay in touch socially or help we with interviews etc (he is experienced and well connected)?

Sadly, I think your interpretation is correct.

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Thefriendlyone · 15/12/2022 13:23

Had you been there long? Is that how they were able to do it, you were less than 2 years?

im sorry you went through this, I think you need to accept he doesn’t wish a relationship and just move on

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Pineappleskies · 15/12/2022 13:45

Youre right @Thefriendlyone . I had been there a year. So whilst I don't think emotional upsets are good, and I'm ashamed I also know it to be out of character and am sad they take this view (very male dominated company. No HR dept etc). But if I didn't agree to go, they could fire me with no reason anyway. It seemed best to co-operate and I felt heartened by my boss' offer to stay in touch. It felt that on some level he could see I was not some crazy, erratic person. Which is why I'm a bit sad about it, though in the end it was a small gesture.