Help. I want my own career but it is at odds with our lifestyle

[GoldenCagedBird]

I’m a teacher who married a very high earner with a very flexible lifestyle.

Things are on pause right now as we have moved to my hometown so my parents can help with baby. I have resigned for my job on maternity (completely my choice- my DH was happy for us to pay for nursery even if it meant working for a loss) and my plan is to be at home for a few years with baby. I’m an EYFS practitioner so I’m really excited to do activities at home with them until they are 3/4.

We’re in the process of deciding where we will be next and I am struggling in balancing what will be an enjoyable and lovely life with my own personal aspirations. I am aware that people will jump on me saying I’m bragging, or a massive twat when there is a massive cost of living crisis happening- but it’s important that I lay out why this is so difficult and why I’m not putting my foot down and demanding we stay put so I can have a local career.

We have a home in a hot, coveted, gorgeous destination. The plan would be to avoid winter completely and do autumn/winter here. My life would be swimming, reading, relaxing, learning. No stress. No worries. I’m an introvert and rarely bored (I have lots of hobbies and online courses I do) so honestly this does sound like heaven. Spring/Summer would be in the UK where we have a couple of bases, with more travel to see friends and DHs colleagues peppered through. It truly would be an easy breezy ‘Instagram perfect’ life. We have no money worries. I have investments in my name and a private pension being paid into. DH works anywhere and everywhere and sets his own schedule.

However- I always dreamed of leaving teaching and getting a job in local government. Policy perhaps, or as a project manager or support worker in children’s services. I’m not interested in teaching in a classroom ever again after 11 years. Loved the children, hate all of the other shit.

A job like this is completely incompatible with the life that is on offer to us as a family. I know in 5 years we will need to settle down for DCs schooling anyway, but I really want something flexible- for me.

DH has offered a cash injection into a business idea of my own, which I can build myself and create some income- but I literally have no ideas. Apart from student retail jobs, all I know is teaching. My educational history is in politics but I just studied something I enjoyed as a young adult….I always knew I’d do the PGCE as a conversion.

I don’t want a tiny violin out for me- but can anyone suggest something I can train up in and do whilst on maternity? Something completely international and flexible that will allow me to enjoy my family’s pace of life whilst letting me have something ‘for me’? I have full access to money and credit so it doesn’t matter if it’s low income. I have a politics degree, a social sciences masters and my PGCE.

I think I would probably look at using your existing skills in education to do something there - the obvious one is supply teaching work for the months of the year you are in the UK, perhaps supplemented with some light tutoring in your abroad/winter location - especially if it's a luxury/wealthy sort of place then you may find there's a good market for english-speaking tutors for english language and general tuition - you can use your DH's offer of cash injection for marketing and/or getting any certifications required. You could then offer to keep up with your tutees remotely when you are in the UK over the summer?

Over time you might be able to work up towards some kind of educational/child development consultancy business, not something I know a lot about personally but niche/one man band consultancy can be very popular if you can identify a gap in the market, the benefit then being it's very flexible, in today's world being abroad for half the year probably wouldn't be a big impediment particularly if you can afford to fly back for business trips occasionally, so much is done remotely these days anyway, or if you can find someone to partner up with they could do the more face to face required stuff of building client relationships, pitching, presenting results back etc and you could run the back end from abroad.

Or if your dream truly is local authority policy and/or project management (niche dream but you go for it , someone has to love this stuff ), I'd start by taking agency/temp contracts at an entry level or whatever you can get , probably admin/assistant type work, if you are in the UK for 6 months over the summer is enough time to take a reasonable level contract and get some experience under your belt, a lot of public sector office jobs in the UK are increasingly hybrid working so if you have enough experience you may find somewhere prepared to let you work close to fully remotely, perhaps coming in once a month for team meetings and so on - technically they won't allow this to be from abroad but so long as the time difference isn't crazy then they don't need to know?

I think you'll be beyond frustrated at local govt/civil service policy work if you're more interested in 'making things happen and having impact' like you have as a teacher.

Might be work considering your learning styles (Honey and Mumford) and look for parallels/ compatibilities with a few income streams. 16 personalities is linked to you as a person and provides some insights into career options as well.

I know they're not an exact science but I've found the 16 personalities to be pretty spot on!

I'm a huge advocate of trying to do what 'you love' as opposed to whatever others tell you you should do as a mother; circumstances permitting.

I was and remain lead parent (not divorced) and had to rely on a very draining, confidence destroying and underpaid civil service role.

Agree with pp regarding consulting or development work. Also you could volunteer and build experience in an area which would bring contacts and new experiences to you.

Exciting time for you OP!

I would suggest volunteer work. If you have a politics degree and a PGCE I am sure there would be an organisation wherever you are that would love your help. It would be hugely rewarding and more flexible than a job.

I would suggest you forget about your career goals for the first 3-4 years and just allow yourself to relax and enjoy.

In 3-4 yrs you’ll be in a different place and can make a plan then.

Be wary of the “I have always dreamed of…” I fell for that… I had a ‘serious’ job but chucked it in to work in central government as I’d always dreamed of doing policy work, making a difference, and being in Whitehall. (It was the iob I failed to get as a new graduate, so I was thrilled to get it when I reapplied years later.) I’m sorry to say that it was a bit shit. Ridiculous bureaucracy, unclear and constantly changing instructions, crap IT, dodgy ethics, lazy colleagues, absolutely no chance to make a difference… I abandoned it after 3 years.

Your husband’s idea of you starting a company is a not a bad one, but its impossible until your youngest child is no longer absorbing the majority of your attention.

Just forget about jobs for now and focus on the fun stuff you’re about to have time for, the preschool years are so so awesome.

Or, political scientist / think tanks 🤷‍♀️

Thanks for some excellent posts.

My DH is a very involved parent (and works less than full time) so I do have a lot of spare time compared to other SAHMs. I’m going to enjoy these tiny years so much, but I do want to know there is any ‘prep’ I can do for a new career so I can at least steer myself in the right direction.

@maxelly - lots of brilliant advice but I would rather swallow my own thumbs than supply teach. I really don’t want to go back into the UK classroom without the elements of teaching that I enjoyed. Building great long term relationships and meaningful, rigorous medium term planning for across the school to name some.

Are there any other flexible, international jobs that I haven’t even thought of? I might be able to let the ‘dream’ (lol) of local government go if there is another option that I haven’t thought of.

Everyone keeps telling me to do TESOL on zoom or stop whining so it is really nice to get some helpful thoughts.